Mat wondered if any mechanics were listening, because Sammi had a problem.

During the show meeting last night every one of the warning (that she didn’t even know she had) lights in her Anal Cavalier came on and off in different combinations. She said it looked like a slot machine.

Dave diagnosed it as a lower battery problem, but could not explain why she got high as shit off the fumes plowing through the air vents. Thanks, Dave!

6 a.m.

DRUNK DIAL LINE

Included:

Mat “Douchebag Extraordinare” Diablo; peeing in the trash can at McDonald’s; Carlos shouldn’t FAP at the table; Sean Connery sells boats; Christy Taylor screams; 15 year old’s first boob; you can get drunk off marijuana; hi grandma; and Twilight screams.

Pop Trash:

Jason Segel writes an honest song.

Tila Tequila naked meltdown.

Drew Barrymore gives Justin Long the boot.

Life gets a little worse for James van der Beek.

Sammi and Mat made fun of Taylor Lautner (the kid who looks like he was repeatedly punched in the face) and his girlfriend Taylor Swift (who looks like a rotten orange shriveling into itself) and said they’d implode if they ever drank something bitter.

THE 91X MORNING SHOW MGD 64 BOLTS REPORT

With Shaun Phillips

Mat spoke to number 95 Shaun Phillips about this Sunday’s game in Denver against the Broncos.

Phillips is pumped. Denver has some great players, but he’s not worried. “It ain’t about what Knowshon Moreno can do to us, its what we can do to him.” Hell yeah.

Phillips said it’s time to take the division back “for real, for real.” Simply, they have to play one game better, and one point better than the Denver Broncos.

Phillips did admit he is still bitter about last year’s game and the whole Ed Hocchuli incident, but he has forgiven him. “I’m sure you’ve made a mistake and dropped an f-bomb on the radio,” he reasoned. He even admitted to making a few of his own.

The mile-high field is loud and cold, but Phillips said it’s 120 yards like every other field he’s ever played on. There’ll be 11 guys out on each team, and football is football.

Phillips did promise there will be some “smacking in the mouth,” though. They always get riled up about this rivalry.

And about last week’s game, Phillips said he noticed Philly fans were almost as loud as chargers fans. “You can’t let that happen again,” he warned.

Phillips does enjoy playing in front of Philly fans and hostile environments though. He said even though they’re not supposed to, he’s a guy who likes to “heckle back.”

 7 a.m.

What’s on the Internet?

http://peoplewholooklikealiens.tumblr.com/

and

http://www.paleisthenewtan.com/

MIXOLOGY 101

Anthony and Nathan from El Dorado Cocktail Lounge downtown came in to help us learn a thing or two about sophisticated drinks.

They have a new fall menu coming out on Wednesday, and are of course having a party to celebrate. It starts at 7, and will be $5 drinks all night! Thanksgiving’s the next day, so no one has an excuse to stay in.

Today they made Corn and Oil’s. A classic drink with three basic ingredients.

The first is homemade falernum, which smells like Christmas and tastes like victory. It has ginger, spices, clove, and overproof rum. (Click on the name for El Dorado’s own recipe!)

The second ingredient is Goslings Black Seal rum. (It is the reason for the “oil” in the name, but they still don’t know where “corn” came from.)

The third ingredient is lime juice.

Bing. Bang. Bam. Done. Garnish with a lime. Delish.

They also brought in a special treat that we have been discussing since the first time they came in: Applewood Smoked Bacon Bourbon. Anthony made it himself. It was the second attempt, as the first time he tried to make it he bought all the ingredients (including the bacon) at a liquor store because he was so excited he just couldn’t wait. Nathan said it was awful, like a cup of salt. The second attempt, with finer ingredients, was scrumptious.

8 a.m.

MARIO THE MEXICAN MORRISSEY FAN’S DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK

Honorable Mentions: Bud Adams, Amy Winehouse, and Chas Bono.

The Douchebag of the Week: Glenn Beck!

SPECIAL GUESTS

Dani Maul and Heidi Evidence from the San Diego Derby Dolls came in to promote their bout tomorrow night against the Humbolt Hairy Girls.

Dani Maul was wearing a rainbow-printed leotard and wanted to compare her muscles to Preston’s. For some reason, Sammi was wearing a leotard today too, and thus it was declared ‘Tard Friday.

She was named the Skater of the Month for November for her awesomeness.

The bout is at the Del Mar Fairgrounds tomorrow, November 21 at 7 p.m.! Get tickets on their website or at the door.

Also, bring a new toy to donate to their toy drive, benefiting Rady’s Children Hospital.

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40.

Today’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

Foolin’ – Devendra Banhart

Consider yourselves informed.

-SS

Mat headed out to one of our friendly neighborhood Indian reservations last night for a “fishing license.” But by “fishing license” I mean peyote.

Then he watched 5 hours worth of “Xavier: Renegade Angel” on Adult Swim. Needless to say, he was in a surreal mood.

Sammi borrowed Mat’s knife yesterday before heading to lunch with Carlos and a listener who offered to take them to Sonic’s on the drunk dial line.

Mat kept calling it a date, but Sammi assured him it was nothing more than a car-jacking with food.

Sammi and Carlos spent most of the time giggling that they wanted desserts like “Sonic Blasts” and “CreamSlush Treats” in their faces.  

Somehow the conversation jumped to putting the word “anal” in front of the model names of American cars, which they spent the rest of the break doing.

For example: Anal Explorer, Anal Cavalier, Anal Probe, etc.

6 a.m.

Carlos went to the premiere of Twilight last night. He loved it. He tried to attach some value to the phenomenon, attributing kids’ new found interest in literature to it.

Mat said it is usually the tweens interested in makeup and cigarettes that will go to beauty school who love Twilight, not those with an interest in classic literature. Which is cool, different strokes, but why adults were there is beyond me.

Sammi said she just cannot understand why Kristen Stewart is in love with a werewolf and a vampire. There has to be a nice human boy at school that won’t cause her four books worth of problems.

Meanwhile Preston, as he always does, became really defensive of Twilight. It’s weird, this trigger goes off where he vigorously defends the franchise.

Pop Trash:

“Modern Family” rape joke.

Lady Gaga, Christopher Walken, and Cartman collab.

Forbes names the most overpaid actors.

‘New Moon’ going to make a shit ton of money.

Flaming Lips “Watching the Planets” video features naked bike ride.

SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT GUY.

Fuck that guy who makes obvious boner jokes… Preston… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy who cuts you off in the breakfast buffet line to get to last piece of bacon… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy who brings seafood into the office for lunch, and forgets it in the fridge… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy that leaves 50 feet between him and the next car at busy stoplights so turning lanes extend all the way back into the normal lanes, and traffic gets fucked. PULL THE FUCK FORWARD, DICKHEAD… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy who lost my uniform and substituted with a set two sizes too small. So now I have to wear little boy pants where I’ll be surrounded by a shit load of hecklers for the next two weeks. It’s hard to be taken seriously when you’re smuggling plumbs… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy who put the so-called word “ginormous” in the dictionary… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy who, despite a row of empty seats, sits right next to you. Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy on a curvy road in the lifted blacked out diesel truck with the SKIN sticker who thinks he’s Mario Fucking Andretti, but can’t go around a corner at more than 15mph, or he’ll pitch himself in the ditch. But he sure as fuck won’t pull over, because that’d make his 3-inch-dick feel even smaller. Here’s to you, Captain Douche… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy who doesn’t understand a locked door. You’re in the bathroom doing your thing and a guy reaches to open the door, it’s locked. Why not try an open it a few more times you asshole. Oh, it’s still locked? Maybe you should try and open it extra hard tough guy. Oh, it’s still locked? Then you make a comment ecause every bathroom should be open just for you. No flush for you bud… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy who takes longer to get ready than his girlfriend… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy who calls you chief… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy who ignores traffic signs and common sense because he has no brakes on his fixed gear. Fuck that hipster guy, his bike , his BO and his stupid moustache. Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy at the gym who clearly hasn’t showered in a week… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy who thumps his bass in his car so you can’t even hear your own music… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that guy who grunts so loudly at the gym so everyone knows how hard he’s working out… Seriously, fuck that guy.

Fuck that sneaky son of a bitch who broke into my house and pissed my pants when i was passed out… Seriously, fuck that guy.

7 a.m.

What’s on the Internet?

http://www.catsforgold.com/

and

http://www.shitmygfsays.com/

BRACKET

GLENN BECK has been declared the biggest douche in the world!

Beck defeated Kanye West, a formidable opponent, in the championship round by a margin of four votes.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Simon from the New English Brewing Company, currently up in the San Bernadino area, is moving his brewery to the old Mission Brewery Plaza off the 5 at Washington.

Simon is British, but has lived in San Diego for 15 years, so he considers himself a hybrid of the two. He considers his beer the same.

Mat said he expected hot beer and meat pies. Instead we started with New English’s Brewer’s Special Brown Ale.

At 6.6% alcohol by volume it sneaks up on you, but British beers are more about socializing and being able to last through a few pints than simply getting wasted.

“We like beers that people enjoy with friends and food,” Simon said.

The second beer was New English’s Exlporer ESB. Simon said a great deal of English beers are bitter, which somehow led to a discussion of Morrissey.

Mat said the ESB would be paired best with the Morrissey song, “The More You Ignore Me, the Closer I Get.”

It is brewed with the most expensive British malts. Mmm.

New English is available at all the usual beer spots around 30th street, and you can check out their website for more locations.

Check out a New English beer and dinner pairing at the Torrey pines Lodge on December 9!

Scot from Stay Classy came in to recap the Classy Award that Matty boy hosted.

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40.

Today’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

Pine On – Obits

Consider yourselves informed.

-SS

Mat spoke at a meeting for the SDSU Journalism and Media Studies Student Association. He doesn’t know the campus at all, and said the map made it seem very flat and easily maneuverable.

All of a sudden he’d be three flights of stairs beneath a bridge he should have been walking on, in a building that wasn’t on a map, or climbing up a hill to get past the ARC.

The university security team stopped him mid-climb as he struggled to find where he parked.

“Hey, you! You’re too old to be on campus, get down here,” they yelled.

6 a.m.

Mat replayed our new theme song, “Better About Yourself,” by Preston. He really hoped it made everyone’s morning better, as is intended by the song, the song title, and our show in general.

Just to be sure, he read a few “FML’s” to show you it could always be worse.

Pop Trash:

Newscasters need to mind their inflections.

This Nickelback cover is incredible.

Wendy Williams scuffles with Omarosa.

Avril Lavigne and Wilmer Valderrama take solace in one another’s obscurity.

Travel around America with Bob Saget.

7 a.m.

What’s on the Internet?

http://thefuckingweather.com/

and

http://obama-weather.com/

and

http://yousneezed.com/

and

http://havetheyfoundlifeonmars.com/

and

http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/

and

http://isitwindy.com/

BRACKET

Today Kanye West defeated Mat Diablo 16-5, by one measly vote, to move on to the championship round of the “Biggest Douche in the World” bracket.

Vote tomorrow to declare the winner. Will it be Glenn Beck? Or Kanye?

8 a.m.

THE MORE YOU KNOW WITH HARRY O

Harry O., a sales guy at 91X, knows everything.

If you want to know about a motocross event that happened in San Diego in 1974, he’s your guy!

If you want to shoot stuff, he’ll take ya!

But most of all, if you want to hear a story, he’s got a million.

Preston catches them on tape. Mat plays them on air.

This week’s story was about Harry O catching a penguin in the San Clemente Reef. He thought it was a monster fish, so you can imagine his surprise when a fucking penguin came out of the water. Naturally, they called SeaWorld. I mean, a fucking penguin. So a suspicious SeaWorld employee (who did NOT believe it was a penguin, obviously) came down to check it out. And it was a fucking penguin. So he took it to SeaWorld, named him Petey the Penguin, and he still lives there. Go check Petey out. July 1975, San Clemente Reef, where were you?

The more you know.

SPECIAL GUEST

Bert Boyce, Sam Adams brewer, came in with the new Utopias, a 27% alcohol by volume “beer” that costs $150 a bottle, and is super fancy.

You can get it in San Diego at your finer beer stores for the next few weeks while supplies last.

The long and difficult fermentation process is aged in barrels, so it is not carbonated. It is not a wine. It is not a barley wine. It is not liquor. So what is it?

It’s Utopias.

(How’s that for a hard sell.)

Seriously though, it makes you warm and fuzzy after a few sips.

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40.

Peter, Bjorn and John, of Peter Bjorn & John, dropped in before their show tonight to tell us that it’s their 10th birthday! (As a band.) To celebrate, they’ve had special guests at every show, except last night when a “guy who puts spoons all over himself” flaked. Andrew WK kicked off the whole shindig in NY, though.

They also revealed that they ripped off the whistling in “Young Folks” from “Kung Fu Fighting.”

Today’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

 I Want You – Peter Bjorn & John

Consider yourselves informed.

-SS

Mat and Carlos wanted to discuss last night’s football game, but it was incredibly boring. The game, that is. Not the discussion.

Mat said every entity needs a theme song, so we are going to replay the one Preston wrote for our show. That somehow lead to a conversation about Polish people being racist toward other Polish people and Sammi told a joke:

What’s long and hard that a Polish man gives to his wife on their wedding night?

A last name.

Hi ho.

6 a.m.

BARGUMENT

Mat’s iPhone app “Barguments” is an instant conversation starter.

A Bargument is a debate with no wrong or right answer that must be uncomplicated enough to discuss after three beers.

The discussion: Who is the worst working actor?

Unfortunately, this list could go on and on. But here are the most popular that people threw out: Nicolas Cage, John Cusack (these days), Dax Sheppard, Dane Cook, Kristen Stewart, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Keanu Reeves, Eric Roberts, Seth Green, anyone acting like a granny in a fat suit, rappers, singers, Ice Cube when he’s not killing anyone, Chuck Norris, David Caruso, Woody Harrelson, da governator, Shaq, Matthew McConaughey, Paris Hilton, and the Rock.

Pop Trash:

“Remote Control” host dead at 52.

Godspeed, whiskey expedition.

Flava Flav entering Doritos contest.

Carrie Prejean look-a-like needed, anyone wandering around Del Mar could probably apply.

Throughout history, every great organization has had a great corresponding theme song. The San Diego Super Chargers have their disco jam, Frightening Lightning has their riot song, and the 1985 Chicago Bears have the “Superbowl Shuffle.”

Preston wrote one for the 91X Morning Show called “Better About Yourself.” Listen below if you want to know what we’re all about.

7 a.m.

What’s on the Internet?

http://twitter.com/actuallynph

and

http://www.fuckyeahneilpatrickharris.com/

and

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/

BRACKET

Today Glenn Beck beat Speidi by one tie-breaking vote in the first semi-final of the “Biggest Douche in the World” bracket.

Tomorrow: Mat Diablo takes on Kanye West to see who will join Beck in the championship round.

8 a.m.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 13TH GRADER?

Ashley, an SDSU business student, took on Carlos, our resident 13th grader, in a battle of knowledge for Twilight tickets.

The questions were Twilight themed, based on things that Twilight fans probably like.

Carlos correctly answered the final question a millisecond after the buzzer, so it was discounted. Thus, Ashley won 1.5 to 1. On both parts, it was a sad display of human intellect.

The questions:

Does a vampire breathe when he sleeps?

 Who wrote the “Star-spangled Banner”?

 Who replaced Holly Madison as Hugh Hefner’s #1 girlfriend?

Who said “Give me liberty or give me death”?

Who is the new Orange County housewife?

Name 2 different types of clouds.

 Who is the current US Secretary of State?

 When is Bella’s birthday?

 What causes tides?

Who were the two major candidates in the 2004 presidential election?

THE GOOGLE TEST

We began to type questions into google, only to let it auto-populate the most commonly asked questions. Call it a social experiment. Here are a few of the highlights of what your fellow Internet warriors are researching. Try it for yourself! Endless entertainment.

“Why…” 

…do men have nipples?

…is the sky blue?

…is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?

“Why are…”

…all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?

…flamingos pink?

“How come…”

…when i talk to girls on facebook they won’t answer me back?

…I can’t get wet?

“Is…”

…Lady Gaga a man?

“Is the…”

…re any way I can get this popular guy to get me prenant?

“Is there…”

…life after death?

…going to be a Transformers 3?

“Am I…”

…pregnant?

“Why can’t…”

…I own a Canadian?

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40.

We are the People – Empire of the Sun

Today’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

Consider yourselves informed.

-SS

Since it is Friday the 13, Mat wondered who on the show would die first if this were a scary movie.

Obviously it would be Carlos, as the minority is always the first to go. How? Death by taco.

Mat said Preston would be the guy on the space station who can’t stop talking about this place back home with great burgers and how he’s going to get one as soon as he gets out of that damn place. Mat also said Sammi would go by self-inflicted alcoholism, and he of his own ”douchosity.”

Sammi disagreed, saying obviously she wouldn’t die because then there would be no one to run around screaming without a bra on.

Someone called in saying how crazy it would be if Mat went first and Carlos took over. He would talk so much shit about Piolin.

For some reason this reminded Mat of the Jewish culture. He whipped out a book entitles, “The Genius of Jewish Celebrities: What Their Handwriting Reveals About Them.”

Apparently Anne Frank is a celebrity because she appeared on the cover, right next to Billy Crystal.

Mat began explaining that it must have been the overnight guy who left the book there, him being Jewish and all.

Then the overnight guy called in saying he is half Polish/half Mexican and in no way Jewish.

Mat assumed because of his fantastic beard.

6 a.m.

DRUNK DIAL LINE

Included:

Bong rip; Carlos’ dad has tacos for him; Call of Duty makes you wanna slap your mama; Christy Taylor calls; Christy Taylor calls again; Mad River Brewery; 311 concert goers; please slap Capone for liking Hollywood Undead; and Captain Morgan is leaving.

Pop Trash:

Modded Xboxes banned from online play, nerds care.

ActiVision sold 4.7 million copies of Modern Warfare 2.

Jon Gosselin secret sex tape sponsored by Ed Hardy.

Them Crooked Vultures began on a blind date at Medieval Times.

New Blink 182 track on Travis Barker solo album.

Mat explained the plot of 2012 to the Magnum P.I. theme song.

THE 91X MORNING SHOW MGD 64 BOLTS REPORT

With Shaun Phillips

Mat spoke to number 95 Shaun Phillips about this Sunday’s game in his hometown against the Eagles.

First things first though, Phillips sat out of practice on Wednesday because of something funky with his ankle. But, he said there is nothing to worry about. He is good to go. Merriman also sat out, but Phillips assured us it was just “a little maintenance.” They’d rather be better safe than sorry and have everybody healthy in the long run, not just game-to-game.

Phillips quoted Rivers, obviously taking more of a leadership role in the past weeks, saying, “I hate to lose much more than I like to win.” That has been the general sentiment of the team lately as Phillips said they are all very competitive guys. “Everyone’s so competitive, ” he explained. We don’t like losing to one another, let alone to other teams.”

The guys then discussed how high of a basketball hoop Vincent Jackson could dunk on (they landed at 14 ft.) before addressing the recent rumors surrounding LT in the news. Phillips said he is a warrior whose stats may not reflect it right now, but he is still the best player on the team and one of the best in the league. 

7 a.m.

Sammi made up a joke:

What did Jay Cutler have for breakfast?

Five apple turnovers. Hi ho.

What’s on the Internet?

Mat took everyone on a Crocodile-Hunter-esque tour through the innerworkings of Sammi’s brain. It was funny, you should listen below.

Or you can just see photographic evidence of the trip here, with Sammi’s pick: http://blackandwtf.tumblr.com/

There have been a few songs written about the 91X Morning Show: one by Higher Minds, one by Jacob Vigil.

But the other day after the show, Preston wrote one out of nowhere. Sammi and Carlos helped with back ups, and the result is the new 91X Morning Show anthem.

Listen to “Better About Myself” below! And if you think you can do better, feel free. There’s nothing we love more than songs about ourselves and how sad our lives are.

8 a.m.

JOIN US tonight at the High Dive (along with all the beers we’ve featured all week ON TAP) to bring our San Diego Beer (for breakfast) Week to a close, naturally, by drinking more beer.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Bill and Jess of all Spades came in from AleSmith with two strong, delicious beers that got Mat wasted for our finale of SD Beer Week.

AleSmith is made up of 7 people who are making really good, well balanced beers (that get you wasted).

Apparently they all have animal nicknames, too. Jessalope, Peter the Rat, Todd the Moose, Bill the Goat/Monkey, a Llama, a Meerkat, and Anthony the panther.

The first beer we had was the YuleSmith Holiday Ale which is released twice a year–once in the summer as a double IPA around the 4th of July, and once for Christmas as an Imperial Double Red. The Holiday Ale is highly hopped, with no spices. Not too shabby at 8 and a half percent. It’s available in a 22 oz. bomber at your better bottle stores.

The second beer they brought was their infamous Speedway Stout. They like to put the heavy (above 10 percent) beers in larger bottles to make sure people share with their friends.

This particular beer is 12 percent. Which explains why I feel like typing like this: kusdhfklhdshuoisgohsdg.nmepgh[ofhgoshgf;phga.

It can also be cellared. The coffee will fall off a bit, and the chocolate will step it up.

Catch AleSmith and a bunch of the other breweries at the San Diego Brewer’s Guild sponsored Chef’s Celebration on Sunday!   Nine brewers, sixteen chefs. Nice.

MARIO THE MEXICAN MORRISSEY FAN’S DOUCHEBAGS OF THE WEEK

Honorable Mentions: Jennifer Lopez’s first husband, Sammy Sosa, and Miguel Cotto for being overconfident.

The Douchebag of the Week:Carrie Prejean

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40.

Psychic City (Vodoo City) – Yacht

Today’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

Consider yourselves informed.

-SS

I apologize for the half-assery involved with today’s recap. I am dying of alcohol-related illnesses. Who knew mixing vodka and cold medicine was a bad idea? Not this girl.

Mat played a few tracks from “Have Yourself a Meaty Little Christmas,” the holiday album by the Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

He then made heaving noises to try to get Sammi to throw up.

It worked.

6 a.m.

MAT’S MONOLOGUE

Mat, in reference to Lou Dobbs’ departure from CNN, joked that it was not surprising that a lazy white man would leave halfway through the job. Apparently he was trying to mock the stereotypical generalizations Dobbs makes when referencing minorities. It made no sense.

Then he said Dobbs outsourced his job to a biggot with a huge head in India.

Then he tried to prove Lou Dobbs is the chupacabra.

His funniest joke this morning was his tagline for Carrie Prejean’s new book: “If you can’t be a beauty queen, get off like one!”

Even though it is outdated, Mat made a Kanye West joke. He said Kanye’s Christmas special would interrupt the other Christmas specials saying that Beyonce has the best Christmas special.

He redeemed himself when he said they caught the pilot that was recently arrested for attempting to take off while intoxicated when he drunk dialed the tower looking for his ex-girlfriend.

Pop Trash:

Rabbit dicks (Sammi’s one contribution this morning).

Larry King/Carrie Prejean smackdown.

Speidi to release a book of mostly pictures.

Tara Reid naked on purpose. 

Russell Brand, Katy Perry stay home to “shag.”

Chris Pine dating Olivia Munn.

SPECIAL GUEST

Rob fucking Halford called in to lay the metal down.

He lives in Hillcrest, or, as he put it, “That’s where I’ve been laying the metal down for the last 10 years.”

He invited Mat to “go and have a coffee and talk metal.” Mat’s head exploded.

“Halford 3: Winter Songs,” his new album, infuses metal with the holiday season. A lot of songs on it were recorded right here in San Diego at Signature Sound. Halford even admitted to writing “Christmas for Everyone” on the onramp of the 163.

Fun fact: Halford was majorly inspired by the movie “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles.” Big John Candy fan.

Besides Metal God Records, Halford is in the new video game Brutal Legend alongside Jack Black. He said his character is a combination of Vince Neil and the White Duke.

When he returns to San Diego from the UK for the holidays (where he said he’ll be drinking, feasting, and metalizing), he’ll be hanging at his usual spots: Ichiban, Peets, the Greek place, and book stores on and around University and Washington.

Keep an eye out for a dude in a cod piece.

7 a.m.

What’s on the Internet?

http://didglennbeckrapeandmurderayounggirlin1990.com/

and

http://www.myspace.com/metallagher

BRACKET

Today Mat Diablo narrowly defeated Rader Nation in an epic battle of douche. It was tied 7-7 until Taco Hands made the deciding vote.

Mat picked the wrong day to mess with Sammi as she convinced quite a few people that Mat’s douchebaggery is far more threatening than the Raiders.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Colby and Mike from Ballast Point Brewery  came in with their Wahoo Wheat beer and the Black Marlin Porter for today’s breakfast.

Wahoo Wheat is made with a few kinds of orange peels (bitter and sweet), and is a traditional summer beer.

Mike said it should be garnished with slice of orange. He and Mat debated the “fruit in your beer” controversy.

Colby added that the beer is rich in Vitamin B, making it the perfect hangover brew.

Mat compared the color of the Black Marlin Porter to staring into the soul of Preston. 

The guys also brought in Ballast Point rum and Sammi threw up again.

Ballast Point Three Sheets barrel aged rum is as smooth as a Barry White album according to Preston.

Catch Ballast Point all over town for the remainder of SD Beer Week. Here’s where they’ll be!

Scot from Stay Classy came in to remind you to vote and get your tickets to the Classy Awards!

9 a.m.

Mat made fun of Sammi for two reasons:

1. She was lying (dying) on the floor and the only thing she’s said for the last hour was, “PLAY THEM CROOKED VULTURES AND TURN OFF THE LIGHTS.”

2. She made a Yes reference, and he has never met a 22 year old woman who’s done that, let alone been familiar with Yes.

(I get down to some filthy Yes breakdowns.)

Thus,

THE BOTTOM 40

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40.

Mind Eraser (No Chaser) – Them Crooked Vultures

Today’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

Consider yourselves informed.

-SS

Happy Veterens Day! Happy Kurt Vonnegut’s birthday!

Mat wanted to talk about the mechanics of the 91X Morning Show.

Literally.

Sammi’s starter is nonexistent. For this reason and more, her car would not start this morning. He told her that if she finds a deep enough hill every morning, than even an automatic transmission will start at like 45 miles per hour.

She just has to “Back to the Future” it.

Preston is also having car trouble after his parking brake line snapped. Now there are few places he can park.

Sammi said it’s an easy fix–just put an inner tube around the whole car and let it loose.

6 a.m.

MAT’S MONOLOGUE

Carrie Prejean said “meeted” in an interview yesterday. So Mat joked that the sex tape was her biggest mistake, except for all those grammatical errors. Hey ooooh. Look out for this guy.

Then he made a joke about her vibrator getting a book deal, but he missed the opportunity to capitalize on a chuckle when he refused to make a funny title or a pun.

The Hollywood wax museum just added Mary Hart to its collection. Mat said they have always been great at making wax dummies of plastic dummies. Hi ho. It was the funniest thing he said in the segment.

He made two jokes, one about expired drugs at CVS and one about Paula Abdul, but failed to see that he could have made one hilarious joke by combining the two. (Neither made sense on its own).

He tried to make a Rick-roll joke to the theme song of Magnum P.I., but the delivery was even worse than normal. Ouch.

Pop Trash:

Jay Leno asks Howie how to have sex.

Your iPhone may get Rick-rolled.

(At this point in the segment, Mat sang about Idaho to the theme song of Magnum P.I.)

“Shit My Dad Says” to move from the Internet to CBS.

My Morning Jacket and Zack Galifinakis on American Dad.

New Cold War Kids EP in the (brand) new year.

THE MORE YOU KNOW WITH HARRY O

Harry O., a sales guy at 91X, knows everything.

If you want to know about a motocross event that happened in San Diego in 1974, he’s your guy!

If you want to shoot stuff, he’ll take ya!

But most of all, if you want to hear a story, he’s got a million.

Preston catches them on tape. Mat plays them on air.

This week’s story was about a shout out to Harry O in a song called “The Usual Suspects” by Rick Ross. He said they went to Kearny High School together, bangin’ chicks and what not. “C’mon, it was the 80s, we were livin’ large.” He told Ross to keep plugging his name. It will get him far. 1979-1981, where were you?

He also said he made sex tapes with not only Carrie Prejean but Paris, Pam, Carmen, and other aging bodies.

The more you know.

7 a.m.

What’s on the Internet?

http://antiduckface.com/

BRACKET

Heidi and Spencer demolished Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in this round of the “Biggest Douche in the World” bracket. Not to say that anyone likes or respects the other two, because most pointed out that they most certainly do not, but… come on. Heidi and Spencer.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

COME TO THE HIGH DIVE WITH US FRIDAY NIGHT FOR FRIDAY NIGHT PINTS!

Every beer we’ve featured on Beer for Breakfast this week will be on tap. Mmm, mmm.

Spicy J-Bags and Brandon from Pizza Port came in with two beers: the Chronic and the Hasslehoff.

Mat noted that J-Bags clearly had a late night. He hasn’t shaved in weeks, and San Diego beer week is trying to weigh him down. But he will drink on and prevail!

The Chronic is on tap at all three Pizza Port’s, and will be served at our Friday Night Pints event this Friday.

It’s a mellow, amber, 5% great gateway beer.

The second beer was a strong, dark German beer with hints of fruit and chocolate named the Hasslehoff.

It’s a brand new beer that will be on tap at Pizza Port for awhile. Because it is delicious.

It is 8% alcohol, but Sammi suggested they raise and lower the alcohol content based on the Hoff’s BAC at the time.

Catch Pizza Port tomorrow night at Hamilton’s for the Liars Club redo where they will have 4 or 5 beers on tap and a cask.

Also, next Saturday they are completely taking over Hamiltons’ entire cask list. Mmm.

SPECIAL GUEST

Silly San Diego came in to talk about their Burrito Run this Saturday benefitting the World Vision campaign to raise awareness about global starvation and poverty issues.

Basically, you run, pound a burrito, and run again, all for a great cause! The fun 4-mile jaunt takes place at Ski Beach this Saturday.

There will also be an after party at the High Dive from 12-2.

Email sillysandiego@gmail.com with your name, age, and valid email address to register.

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40.

Audience – Cold War Kids

Today’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

Consider yourselves informed.

-SS

????????????????? because I was still ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oops.

I did get word (i.e. heard on the radio while I was racing to work) that Carlos stepped into his shoe this morning to find poo in it.

Also, last night when we were trying to have the meeting we heard Carlos ordering tacos. Thus, Taco Hands sealed his fate.

 6 a.m.

MAT’S MONOLOGUE

Mat’s first joke was about Steven Tyler quitting Aerosmith “because the death panel has started to freak him out.” He started explaining himself when no one laughed, but they told him that only made it worse.

He made up for it with his second zinger about Steven Tyler quitting the band only 20 years after the fans did. Hi ho.

Then Mat completely ruined any momentum he had created by saying downgrading Hurricane Ida to a tropical storm was a “harsh diss.” That was seriously the whole joke…

He began his next joke with, “Sometimes I’ll sit at home and watch TyraBanks–” and everyone laughed and told him to stop there. But he ruined it by trying to make a joke about a woman with two vaginas performing the Vagina Monologues. It wasn’t funny.

He made a sort of funny joke about a girl in Brazil being heckled for her skirt being too short. He pointed out how odd that was for a country that is mainly known for “waxing labia.” Everyone laughed, but Carlos mentioned how uncomfortable it makes him to laugh at a joke with the word “labia” in it.

The fact that Sammy Sosa is turning white has been in the news lately. Mat said he saw him wearing one glove. Sammi pointed out he has done that for years, as players usually only wear one baseball glove.

Ochocincotried to bribe a ref with one dollar during the last Bengals game. Mat said the ref replied, “I make 12,000 of those a year.” Preston said that referees actually make quite a decent living.

Something Mat said about Larry Craig, bathroom, and Charmin made no sense, and I am certainly not taking the time to try to translate it into a joke here. Trust me, not worth it.

Finally, he addressed the Carrie Prejean sex tape, and her appearance on Sean Hannity’s show on Fox News. He said Hannity’s response was, “This is a huge blow to the Obama administration.” Hi ho…

Pop Trash:

Carrie Prejean admits she diddled her Skittle on tape.

Tiffany Amber Thiessen is preggers.

Nickelback wrote the new WWE Raw anthem.

Steven Tyler is old.

SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT GUY.

Fuck that guy wearing the the Ed Hardy shirt…..and hat, and the Frank Poncherellosunglasses, withthe white belt, with the Dragon Ball Z hairdo and the walking SSTD attached to his tatted, twig-like arm. Guys like you give the term “Douchebag” an entirely new meaning… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck the guy next door who thinks that the parking space is all his! Lets see him use his rear window wiper that’s now in my garage… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy I got into a fight with in the Church parking lot for giving me the finger! Just cause he’s the Priest doesn’t give him the right… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy who still has presidential candidate bumper sticker. It been a year since the last election, dude… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy who walks into the bar and asks, “What’s on tap,” when there are 24 of them in a row in plain view. Really guy, just look… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy who actually believes the stripper likes him… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy that says “irregardless…” Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy who hit my license plate with some form of melon last night… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy that’s healthy, jogging down my street rocking the neon green moose knuckle when I go to work at 430 a.m… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy who has to make you feel bad during a story or a joke. “That’s fucked up man, my Mom died/did heroin/killed herself/had an abortion/got hit by a car/has cancer/wears a diaper/likes orgies.” Way to ruin the story you insecure fuck. It’s all about you… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy who looks like a girl and has great tits and doesn’t tell you she has a dick until its too late. I mean, it didn’t happen to me, but that would suck… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guys who’s racist, but likes Mexican food and gangster rap… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy who, despite an entire bathroom of empty stalls, goes in the one right next to you… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that guy who still makes “not” jokes… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

 Fuck that guy that bullied me on a daily basis in 8th grade and now wants to be my friend on facebook… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

 Fuck that guy who says, Can I be honest with you,” before he says anything… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

Fuck that station who stole Chrissy Russo from 91x… Seriously, fuck those guys. 

The guy who had sex with a monkey and invented AIDS… Seriously, fuck that guy. 

7 a.m.

What’s on the Internet?

http://dicktowel.com/

and

http://fakebookquotes.appspot.com/

BRACKET

Today Glenn Beck narrowly defeated Carlos Mencia to advance to the next round of the “Biggest Douche in the World” bracket.

Tomorrow, Speidi takes on K-Stew and R-Patz for Douchiest Duo.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Chuck Silva came in from Green Flash Brewing Co. to celebrate San Diego Beer Week.

Green Flash will be celebrating their 7th anniversary on Saturday at their brewery up in Vista!

They are known for their big, hoppy beers, so Chuck decided to throw us for a loop and bring in the Imperial Coffee Stout.

It has actual French Roast coffee, a caffeine kick, and is the prefect breakfast beer. Sammi said it tastes more like coffee than the coffee we have at the station (true story).

It is a special release, but the base beer is their classic Double Stout, available year round in bombers and local drinkeries (is that a word?). Check out the link to Green Flash’s page above for a full list of all their events this week (too many to count).

The second beer he brought in was brewed originally for Hamilton’s 3rd anniversary, called “Hopless.”

It is exactly what it sounds like, brewed with bitter and sweet herbs rather than hops.

It tastes like delicious tea. Sammisaid she’s going to start waking up withthe Imperial Double Stout instead of coffee, and go to sleep with Hopless instead of Chamomile tea.

It is floral and savory, and goes down smooth and refreshing.

Don’t miss out on San Diego Beer Week! Check out all the events here, and make sure you attend the San Diego Brewer’s Guild sponsored chef’s celebration.

Chuck was wasted when Carlos called him last night, so he won the award for Most Hungover Guest/Hoppiest beer dude and was presented a handcrafted trophy from Sammi. She made it out of surf wax, the cardboard tube from a toilet paper roll, bits of Mardi Gras decorations, White Out, a Christmas tree ornament, and 91X stickers.

F MY LIFE OR F OUR LIVES

 Mat read a handful of posts true to the style of fmylife.com, some from the site and some from the life of one morning show member. Mike could easily tell the difference between the two, he said, because any time they mentioned a girlfriend it had to be the site (since Mat is married, and Preston and Carlos are, well, Preston and Carlos).

The two from the show were both Sammi’s:

Today, I had to write a check for $1.73 in front of a long line of impatient people to buy the first grocery item I’ve had in months–eggs. They fell out of my bike basket on the ride home. FML.

Today, my mom filed everything necessary for me to get health insurance since I can’t be on hers anymore and she knows I am not good with paperwork. The ONE thing I had to do was a quick phone interview answering simple health questions and general information about myself. My mom informed me I was denied health insurance because of fraud during the phone interview. FML.

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40.

Needle and Haystack Life – Switchfoot

Today’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

Consider yourselves informed.

-SS