5:30 a.m.

Mat Diablo expressed his excitement over September finally coming to a close. The ninth and most hated month has brought nothing but disastrous misfortune to all over the past few years (Katrina, 9/11, forest fires, etc.), and 2008 has been no exception (stock market.) Thus, to demonstrate how deep his hatred for this most malicious of months runs, he shouted an obscenity on air. (Don’t worry, he dumped it.)

6 a.m.

Mat replayed the Drunk Dial Line from yesterday, in case you missed it!

 Drunk Dial Line!

Included:

 The Half-Time Team (a.k.a. the Chargers) theme song; angry man called back; a Maria Carey song and a simple question, ‘Do you have an office like Frasier?’”; Future Depressed Mahoney (or Matthew McConaughey?)called in to ask someone to make him an EHarmony account; the greatest morning stretch ever, David Blaine, or audio from the guy dying from the chili pepper; a country song about his hooker grandma; Raiders trash talk; Frightening Lightning audio from the High Dive yesterday; Mah-Blow-Me in a dress; a man that will become homeless for Sammi the Intern; and a guy whose life began anew as he broke up with his bitchy girlfriend.

 SPECIAL GUEST!

Michael Cera, star of such masterpieces as a little show (read: greatest show in the history of television)called ”Arrested Development” and an Internet-based series called “Clark and Michael”, called in to promote his newest film, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, in theaters Friday.

When asked to comment on the current state of the stock market, Canadian Cera replied, “I think the situation needs to improve.” Brilliantly succinct.

Speaking of playlists, ever wonder what’s on Cera’s iPod?

Jim Guthrie, The Unicorns, and Islands, to name a few.

Mat and Michael parted ways after Cera awkwardly avoided addressing the ever-present rumors of an “Arrested Development” movie.

Mahoney speculated that during the interview Cera’s cell phone had been taped to an oscillating fan. It certainly sounded like it.

 Regardless, Cera’s adorably uncomfortable demeanor left Sammi swooning.

Carlos called him a cookie-cutter nerd, but Cool Guy Carlos rarely knows what he’s talking about.

7 a.m.

ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Chuck D of the ever-influential 90s hip hop group Public Enemy called in to celebrate his seat at number one on VH1’s list of the 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs with Public Enemy’s “Fight the Power.”

Mat asked Chuck D, like he did Cera, to shed some light on the current economic crisis.

Chuck said that everyone needs to put their hard hats on, roll up their sleeves and understand that the government doesn’t know what it’s doing. He encouraged everyone to think global and act local in order to catch back up to the pace of the rest of the world.

Chuck D has collaborated with countless rock groups, Mat’s favorite being the work he did with Sonic Youth and Black Flag.

“Music is music.”

When asked what band he would compare Public Enemy to today, he said, “Easy, Metallica.”

Sweet.

Pop Trash: Kimmel and Silverman’s hands reunite, Spears sex tape, Costner’s country band embarks on tour, Bill Murray hints at new ‘Ghostbusters‘, and Mat played audio of some Kathleen-Turner-esque beast from Project Runway.

A brief discussion concerning the bassist from the Goo Goo Dolls:

Mahoney: “He’s the fat one, right?”

Mat Diablo: “They’re all the fat one.”

8 a.m.

YET ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Sam the Cooking Guy came in for some more hot plate, microwave oven, good ol’ fashioned home-cookin’!

(Or, in this case, good ol’ fashioned studio-cookin’.)

Today, he taught Mahoney how to make a Hot Pastrami Wrap (click for the recipe!)

Unfortunately, the dish included cole slaw, of which Mahoney has a severe aversion to.

Mat picked up the ingredients from his local Vons, which proved to be quite a personal feat. Apparently his wife does all the shopping and cooking, so the fact that he located and successfully purchased the three simple ingredients gave Mat an ill-deserved sense of accomplishment.

Mat asked Sam why all provolone cheese packages boast, “smoked flavor added.” Sam was perplexed.

As the wraps were rolled and completed, Carlos scrambled for a knife while Sam cut them in half with scissors.

Mahoney took a bite and, as anticipated, threw up into the trash can. It had absolutely nothing to do with Sam’s cooking, just his aversion to lettuce. This cannot be stressed enough.

Preston and Carlos, poor and starving, slobbered as they gobbled wrap after wrap that Sam mad for them.

Before parting ways with Sam the Cooking Guy, Mat complimented him on his job well done on the Today Show. Essentially, he lived everybody’s dream and told Kathy Lee to shut it. Watch it here!

Mat has been dolling out even worse advice than usual lately. He told Carlos to get his ex-girlfriend pregnant in order to move in to her fancy apartment and milk it for all its worth.

Carlos politely declined the idea and went back to apartment hunting the classic, much more resonable way.

Mat asked Sam the Cooking Guy what he thought about the advice.

He responded, “Let me think about that… you’re retarded.”

Mat is finally about to suffer from the consequences of his own poor judgement.

His wife’s birthday was on Sunday. On Friday, he hired someone to clean the house from floor to ceiling. On Saturday, he hosted a party with all of her friends. They dined and partied at the Tractor Room, and he presented her with a brand new bicycle.

But then came Sunday. Sunday was the Chargers game. It was also the actual anniversary of his beautiful wife’s birth. Knowing his wife does not enjoy that scene, he decided to ask permission to attend anyway.   He woke her up, told her it was game day and said, verbatim, ”I know it’s your birthday, but can i go to the High Dive to watch the game?” She, of course, could not decline because she is not the kind of woman to control and guilt her husband.

He proceeded to drink profusely at the bar. Instead of making up for his early-afternoon absence, he fell asleep immediately upon his return.

His birthday is on Thursday. He expects nothing.

Thousands of callers assured him that he doesn’t deserve a damn thing.

Even Nasty Nate called him a scumbag. And he peddles smut for a living.

Carlos and Mahoney called Mat out for his unacceptable marital behavior.

Side note: Nasty Nate used the phrases “flip the script,” “drop the bomb,” and “know what i’m saying” all in one sentence.

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40!

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40.

News: Travis Barker and DJ AM are almost fully recovered, and music purchased from WalMart prior to August 2007 will not be able to be played after October 9.

New Releases: Way to Normal by Ben Folds, Red Letter Year by Ani DiFranco, The Glass Passenger by Jack’s Mannequin, The Power of Negative Thinking by The Jesus and Mary Chain, The Fabled City by The Nightwatchman, and Does You Inspire You by Chairlift.

This week’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

Bruises – Chairlift

Consider yourselves informed.

More Pop Trash: Kiefer afraid of mirrors.

Carlos thanked Sam the Cooking Guy for calling Mat retarded and Mahoney for saying he prefers the bigger meat.

Sammithanked her love, Michael Cera.

Mahoney thanked the pastrami coursing through his lower intestine.

Mat thanked Chuck D for keeping it real.

-SS

 

 Standard Podcast [48:28m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

 

 Sam The Cooking Guy! [17:02m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

 

 Michael Cera Interview! [12:08m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

5:30 a.m.

Mat Diablo sounded like he turned 90 over the weekend, Carlos was emptying his stomach into the studio trash can via his mouth, and Mahoney was ashamed he spent his Friday night looking at Steve West’s Facebook and making this. An aptly pathetic start to the morning for a sad, sad bunch.

6 a.m.

OPENING REMARKS

A chance for all to share and air their grievances for hundreds of thousands of eager ears.

Mat began. “Why aren’t we calling Carlos ‘Carl’ anymore?”

The boys then listed all of the old men they would like to fight: Alan Alda, Wilford Brimley, and Gene Shallot.

Travis called. He wants to fight Rod Luck. Mahoney suggested he and Travis tag team Luck, but he didn’t quite word it correctly. Travis politely declined the invitation due to the gay undertones.

Billy expressed his disappointment with the Chargers’ performance in the first 45 minutes of the game yesterday. He then mentioned he watched the game on the various television screens in the back of some fancy pants Roll-Royce.

Garrett called from 1998 and added Regis Philbin to the list of targeted old men because he is, “jealous of the time he gets to spend with that Kathy Gifford.”

Brandon thinks this economic crisis is Bush and Cheney’s fault.

Mat mocked a 14-year-old girl that just wanted some advice about her boyfriend. He told her to stop worrying about boys and start worrying about the SATs.

Another caller put Alex Trebek on the list because of his stupid glasses.

Sylvia commented on the old man ramblings of McCain during the debate. Mahoney became infuriated.

And, finally, Brandon said the old man he wants to fight is Martha Stewart. “That smug bastard.”

What’s on the Internet? http://www.revengecrabs.com/

Want to see Weezer at Cox Arena on October 17?

Record a rendition of your favorite Weezer song using your oboe, violin, kazoo, harp, comb, WHATEVER! Upload a video of your performance to YouTube, and post it on the designated page of the 91X website.

Feel free to use the standard implements of the rock and the roll (guitar, drums, bass, etc.) but keep in mind creativity is encouraged!

7 a.m.

Pop Trash: VotefortheMILF.com, Tina Fey returns as Sarah Palin, Paul Newman passes, Locklear DUI, Johansson and Reynolds wed, and the fishing fan that turned Megan Fox lesbian.

Chrissy Russo warned San Diegans about the deadly lightning afoot. Mat, however, reminded everyone to chill out, it’s only raining. “Just a little water. We’re in a drought anyway. A palm tree’s on fire.”

“If you’re currently lactating, please call us.”

- Mat Diablo

Mat added hot peppers to his laundry list of unwarranted fears after reading this story.

A lactating lady called. Carlos got her information. It did not bode well for what may happen tomorrow.

8 a.m.

 Peta proposed that breast milk be used in Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and various other food products instead of the dairy currently utilized due to the allegedly abusive and unethical treatment of the animals.

Ashley encouraged it as she has previously received as much as  $2/oz.  on the Breast Milk Black Market.

Brandon has tried it, “It’s very sweet. Straight off the tap is the best way to have it.” Goo.

Stephanie said that she thinks it is a disgusting use of breast milk. She was not able to breast feed, and therefore knows the various infections and diseases that may be carried through careless consumption.

Mahoney told PETA to “eat it” as cute animals deserve to live, and tasty ones deserve to die.

“I just want to punch a baby lamb in the face and wear wool.”

- Mahoney (Who else.)

Mat was more curious about how anyone would go about harvesting it.

One email revealed that breast milk tastes like the woman’s diet. The author of said email admitted he would love to taste the nectar of a woman who only eats fruit and awesome.

Evil Matt, as he had been dubbed (by me) after greedily double-crossing Mat and Mahoney during HOW’S YOUR MUTHA!, emailed Mat to explain his actions and ask for forgiveness. Mat, the kind-hearted, agreed. Mahoney, however, took his email address and signed him up for various embarrassing porn and spam lists. Carlos and Sammi forgave him as well, and the “Evil” has since been dropped from his name… For now.

9 a.m.

Drunk Dial Line!

Included:

 The Half-Time Team (a.k.a. the Chargers) theme song; angry man called back; a Maria Carey song and a simple question, ‘Do you have an office like Frasier?’”; Future Depressed Mahoney (or Matthew McConaughey?)called in to ask someone to make him an EHarmoney account; the greatest morning stretch ever, David Blaine, or audio from the guy dying from the chili pepper; a country song about his hooker grandma; Raiders trash talk; Frightening Lightning audio from the High Dive yesterday; Mah-Blow-Me in a dress; a man that will become homeless for Sammi the Intern; and a guy whose life began anew as he broke up with his girlfriend.

More Pop Trash: Colbert in new Spider-man issue.

Mat thanked the Raiders for attempting a 76-yard field goal and UB40 for making Carlos so infuriated.

Carlos thanked Mat for kicking a man while he’s down.

Sammi thanked Brandon who offered to take on that smug bastard Martha Stewart.

Mahoney thanked all the slow and tasty animals of the world.

-SS

 

 Standard Podcast [52:56m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

 

 Drunk Dial Line [10:01m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Steve West and his dog Biscut.  You be the judge.

Mickey’s Fine Malt Liquor

Mickey’s has 5.60% ABV. Served from a 40oz Emerald Green Bottle that was brewed on a unknown date. The beer was purchased at Vons on Murphy Canyon at 10:35 p.m. on September 24^th. It was priced at $3.47 for a 40oz bottle…it WAS NOT on sale.

Proper Glassware: Giant Beer Mug, Straight out of the bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag.

Serve @: 34-40°F AS COLD AS POSSIBLE

Look: Mickey’s is a fine golden yellow akin to the sun rising in the Far East sky, it has a relatively small white foamy head. There is little to no lacing creeping down the side of the glass. 

Smell: A burly grain aroma bursts out at my nose with a deep whiff along with a strong alcohol undercurrent but in the end Mickey’s is simple, clean, and pleasant..

Taste: Sweet corn favors dance on my tongue with the first taste. Hints of grain are apparent more malty than hoppy seeing but both are discernable. Mickey’s takes me back to a simpler time. A time in my youth where beer was cheap, women were easy, and life was grand. The finish is dry and clean.

Feel: Light mouth feel with ample carbonation.

Drinkability: This is a beer that I can drink anytime be it at a Chargers tailgate or while reading Raymond Feists latest Fantasy novel.  This is my official beer for watching UFC.

Food pairing recommendations: Hungry Man XXL Microwave Dinners, Pepperoni Hot Pockets, Fried Zucchini from Carl’s Jr Drive Thru, Beluga Caviar=

2.9999999998 out of 5 on the Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy

 

 Beer For Breakfast Mickey's Fine Malt Liquor [18:23m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

6 a.m.

Our friends at Let It Ride Designs dropped off a box full of Drunk Dial Line business cards. (Coming soon to a bar bathroom near you!)

Drunk Dial Line!

Included:

Pronunciation of Zack de la Rocha; man that hates soap; F the Raiders; Abba Zabba, you’re my only friend; Irish drinking song as sung by an Indian gentleman; speculation that MIA is a terrorist; the creepiest laugh ever heard; Mahoney dating advice; and a lover of the Imagination song.

What’s on the Internet? http://mixtube.org/

Mat told Sammi the Intern that the next time she falls asleep she will be replaced by Intern James Van Der Beek.

7 a.m.

Pop Trash: Limp Bizkit reassembles, LaBeouf not charged, Chuck Norris likes Palin, Ed McMahon raps, and Palin for Playboy.

 Mat was delighted to learn that his jet-pack dreams are not far from reach as one rocket-man has successfully jetted across the English Channel. He begged Mr. and Mrs. Government for one of his very own.

8 a.m.

 Joe Rogan came in to talk about his comedy, UFC, and psychedelic drugs.

Mahoney complimented Rogan’s infamous handling of the dreaded Drunk Chick Hecklers. Rogan admitted that he thoroughly enjoys seizing every opportunity he has to shut a douchebag up.

Rogan explained how his UFC commentator career originally came about: Dana White, noted good guy, had given him numerous tickets to various fights and events after he discovered Rogan was a fan. One particular fight, White gave him a headset and told him to speak and make some jokes. He was a hit, and worked pro bono for awhile until White offered him the full-time gig.

Now his duties allow for some creativity. For instance, Rogan dubbed one maneuver “the rape choke.”

“That’s what you get when you put a pothead comedian in charge of naming moves.”

Mat and Mahoney told Rogan about the Joe Rogan Drinking Game they like to indulge in.

The game is simple: they choose one word that he seems to be overusing (past adjectives include “elusive” and ”slippery”) and drink everytime it is said.

Rogan is extremely outspoken about his stance on psychedelic substances.

He described the day he dabbled with DMT when he encountered complex geometric patterns made of love and understanding (which was, as he put it, ”way crazier than a guy in the clouds with a harp.”)

After he unleashed some intense knowledge upon the 91X Morning Show, he assured listeners and fans that his show at the House of Blues tonight will definitely include booby jokes.

9 a.m.

Ruggy came in to help you get your yelp on at bars that feature Photo Hunt!

Where to get your nude photo hunt on:

Arizona Club in OB: Shiny, new and improved! 

Alibi in Hillcrest: One of the oldest dives in SD!

Tower Bar in City Heights: The Pabst Smear!

Where to get your event on:

Presidential debate and tacos @ Mama Testa

San Diego Film Festival

Recess withe VAVi and Yelp @ Tap Room

Adams Ave. Street Fair

Free museum day

Taste of Asia in Balboa Park

Mira Mesa Street Fair

Hell on Heels Burlesque @ Brick by Brick

THE Notorious R.U.G. @ Hive Sushi

German Shepard Adoption Party

Reinventing the Wheel

Bonita Fest

AIDs Walk in Balboa Park

City Beat Beer Pong Tournament

As usual, check out yelp.com to fill your social calendar with all the best that San Diego has to offer.

Carlos thanked Cromartie and LT.

Sammi thanked the complex geometric patterns made up of love and understanding.

Mahoney thanked aliens for space mushrooms.

Mat thanked Joe Rogan.

-SS

 

 Joe Rogan Interview! [30:48m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

 

 Standard Podcast [56:34m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

5:30 a.m.

Carlos, still bitter from the revelation that he looks exactly like Eva Mendes, told Mahoney that he looks like Walter from the Big Lebowski. He then told Mat that he looks like one of the Madden brothers from Good Charlotte. Or Popeye’s girlfriend, Olive Oyl.

Mahoney compared Chargers fans to Raiders fans:

“You can’t even say it’s like being a fan of vanilla and chocolate ice cream; it’s like vanilla and ass ice cream.”

6 a.m.

OPENING REMARKS

Mat was sick of hearing Mahoney talk all the time, and vice versa. Since neither had anything particularly interesting to say (surprise, surprise), Mat opened the phone line flood gates to make an open forum of the show for you, the lovely listeners, to talk to your little heart’s content about anything and everything that’s on your mind.

No screening, no judging (well, maybe a little judging), just SPEAK ON IT!

Julie gave props to Sammi the Intern (woo), citing that she needs to have a bigger part in the show. “There’s too much testosterone! Let her inject some estrogen into the matter.”

Duncan said simply, “I love porn and hate Mahoney.” Apparently he dislikes Mahoney’s “I am the end-all, be-all of everything” demeanor.

A self-proclaimed nerdy chick disagreed with Duncan. She loves Mahoney because he loves comic books.

Anne was distraught after having a dream that her husband was cheating on her.

Kelly had a similar dream, but was not as worried as Anne as her fiance is in jail.

Ken was happy to be rockin’ the morning shift again.

Mark, after pondering the recent revelation (revel-gay-tion?) of Clay Aiken, pointed out that Mat is almost 30 years old and has a nose ring. Therefore either Mat is a 14 year old girl or a gay man.

Holly said that when Mahoney gets angry he sounds like Don Vito.

And finally, an Ed Hochuli fan.

Mat said that at least 60 percent of the people that share the same handlebar mustache as Mahoney are racists.

What’s on the Internet? http://fridgewatcher.com/

What’s in the 91X Morning Show fridges?

Mahoney- condiments

Carlos- about three beers

Sammi- about three beers

Mat- organic blah blah blah married food

Mahoney was eating a fried chicken Hungryman and drinking a 40 of Mickey’s for breakfast. Yee-haw.

7 a.m.

Pop Trash: Griffin O’Neal has a screwed up family, Letterman jabs at McCain’s cancellation, Natalie and Devandra break up, and Midler cleans up her act.

Mat revealed that he loves LOGO– the gay cable (gayble?) network.

 Pirate Steve called in to ask if it was ok that he started Beer for Breakfast earrrrrrrrrrly.

Then, Johnny O. from Rock Bottom Brewery called in with the status of Mahoney’s IPA. He said that, “In two weeks, we gon’ tap that.”

Mat admonished the anonymous Rock Bottom Sink-Shitter. Shame on you, sink-pooper! Shame!

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST!

Carlos and PJ from the local company, 40 Cozy, came in for a special ‘Malt Liquor’ edition of Beer for Breakfast.

The idea was simple. Carlos (40 Cozy Carlos, not morning show Carlos) was drinking a forty on his porch in the winter in the Bay Area when his hands went numb. With an admitted aversion to the cold, he was embarrassed by his lack of tolerance and went inside to secretly fashion himself some protection against the frigid elements. He found an oven mitt and sewed it into a cozy for his 40, that would serve as a mitten for both him and the beer. 

And so, the morning finally arrived when Mahoney brought in a 40 for Beer for Breakfast. The classiest of which is, of course, Mickey’s. Which we drank. A lot of.

To add to the classiness, everyone on the morning show’s Mickey’s was sporting one of the tuxedo-clad cozies.

Carlos’ explanation: “We’re bringing a little class to the front porch.”

Awesome.

Although Mahoney found the emerald green bottle entrancing, Mat just assumed Mickey’s was disguising the skunky, sketchy, actual color of the beer.

He also learned quickly that Mickey’s needs to be served cold. As soon as it warms up, it’s almost painful to pound.

Mahoney tasted sweet corn, while Mat sensed the sweat of Bruce Springsteen while performing ”Born to Run” live in New Jersey.

The scent reminded Mahoney of a burly grain with a rich alcohol undercurrent.

To Mat, it smelled like a dingy girl he once made out with at a bar.

“Mickey’s reminds me of a time when beer was cheap, women were easy, and life was good.”

-Mahoney

When asked what meal to pair a forty with, Pj answered, “Is it racist if I say fried chicken?”

Mat suggested a 711 buffet: beef jerky, mambas, a hard boiled, and string cheese.

Mahoney suggested Doritos’ Nachos Chessiest (Doritos’ Nachos Cheesier dipped in actual nacho cheese.)

Mahoney rated the Cadillac of malt liquors

a whopping 2.999999987 of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.

The girls of Dreamgirls and Deja Vu are raising awareness for breast cancer. They call it, “Pole Dancers for a Cure.”

The first event is tomorrow on Midway Drive: a carwash involving beer, strippers, car washing (obviously), and donations.

Mat asked a valid question, “Are you going to be giving my car a lap dance?”

(Yes.)

Basically it’s going to be a Van Halen video from 1984.

Then, Saturday, there is a Pimps n’ Ho’s party. Half of all the cover charges will go directly to charity, as well as all the proceeds from an auction and activities inside.

They hope to earn $50,000 for breast cancer research by the time its’ over.

“My car needs a washing; my car has been naughty.”

-Mahoney

9 a.m.

Ryan “Darth” Bader called in to talk about his fight last night to make it into the Ultimate Fighter house on UFC.

He won, and (was needless to say) stoked.

Carlos thanked Mahoney for his quote of the day about Vanilla and ass ice cream.

Sammi thanked Mahoney’s fridge for providing a safe haven for all the lonely condiments of the world.

Mahoney thanked Mickey’s for being perfect.

Mat thanked Duncan for saying that he loves porn and hates Mahoney.

-SS

 

 Standard Podcast [54:12m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download