91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

5:30 a.m.

“Sybarite” is the word of the day, as emailed to Sammi. When someone uses it, call in to win tickets to see the San Diego premiere of ‘The Hangover!’

Because we like promote grammer and make vocabulary more goods.

6 a.m.

When you call the Drunk Dial Line this weekend make sure you leave your phone number or email address because we have a prize for you!

That is, if you’re call is the best of the week you’ll win a ’Hangover’ package!

Included:

One night stay at Harrah’s Rincon Casino and Resort!

$100 gift certificate to Fiore’s Steakhouse!

$150 gift certificate to the spa at Harrah’s Rincon!

A post-screening after-party!

 

DRUNK DIAL LINE!

Included:

Good Time Cookie Monster as Dikembe; Busy B eating Pizza Mia’s and watching the Padres in HD; love/hate Ryan Reynolds; I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight (Must Have Been Something You Said); BBQ sauce slathered women; a jaunty tune about about baking a mother f’ing cake; K Klapper is doin’ hookers; an attempt to woo Sammi with new Metric; and a booming, drunk, “Do a barrel roll.”

 

Pop Trash: All Things Digital, Dave Gahan’s tumor removed, metaphysical hot tub time trip movie with John Cusack, no smiling allowed in driver’s license pictures, and “pulling out” almost as safe as condoms.

 

SPECIAL GUEST!

Todd Phillips, renown director and mastermind behind the new movie ‘The Hangover,’ called in to talk about dirty punk rockers and awkward Kazakhstanians.

Mat had to begin by talking about ‘Hated,’ the dark documentary about GG Allin.

Phillips said he began making it while he was still a wee wittle diwector in film school.

He also explained that even then, in the darkess of the doctumentaries he made, there is this underlying comedy that bubbles to the surface.

Speaking of comedy, Phillips agreed that Zach Galifinakis is one of the funniest people alive.

He said he has been looking for a role for Galifinakis for quite some time, and feels he found the perfect one fore him to just “nail it.”

He also said that the new ”Between Two Ferns” with Bradly Cooper is his best yet.

Go see ‘The Hangover’ next week!

Phillips called it “‘Memento’ for retarded guys.”

Better yet, come see the premiere of it this Monday with us!

Listen for details.

 

7 a.m.

CAN YOU SPELL W-I-N?

Carlos faced off against David in a battle of knowledge, letter placement, and phonetics.

Mat was upset about the setup and improper clip preparation.

So yet another spelling bee ended in inferiority and regret for all involved.

The words: numbnah, myscenes, dahnsahn, amadelphous, kinetosis, and magniloquent.

He made David just give up and win tickets to the Jager Tour and the premiere of ‘The Hangover’ this Monday.

 

What’s on the Internet?

 http://wave.google.com/

http://oldschoolnick.tumblr.com/

and

http://moviesinframes.tumblr.com/

 

Sammi adopted a doggy.

A biiiiiiiiiiiig doggy.

Mat is concerned about Sammi’s ability to fund both her life and her dog’s.

She knows she will have to choose often between human food and dog food, booze and puppy toys, pot and dog baths, etc.

She doesn’t mind the sacrifices, and says she’ll choose the pup every time.

Good thing, too, as she’ll be spending her grocery money for this month on her house’s giant front window he knocked out in an attempt to devour the mailman.

 

 

8 a.m.

GET YOUR YELP ON

with Ruggy!

Ruggy came in to help you get your yelp at places with the most delicious Bloddy Mary’s around San Diego!

Where to get your tomato drink on:

HASH HOUSE in Hilcrest: BLT Bloddy Mary’s!

GREEN FLASH in PB: Caliente Bloody Mary and great people watching!

BLUE FOOT: The super busy, super secret Gunslinger Bloody Mary!

Honorable mentions: The Waterfront, Whaling Bar and Grill, Lucy’s, and Alchemy.

 

Where to get your event on:

TODAY:  Alternative Happy Hour @ Centro Cultural de la Raza in Balboa Park

Shooter Jennings @ Viejas

Dane Cook @ San Diego Sports Arena

Transfer @ Belly Up

The Drowning Man, Cat Party @ Hensley’s Flying Elephant

Feel the Noise with DJ’s Gabe Vega and Saul @ U-31

Bunny of Rabbit In the Moon DJ set @ Spin

 

TOMORROW: The Santee Street Fair

Day 1 of the Tread Showcase at the old Wonder Bread Factory downtown

St. Vincent @ The Casbah

Common Sense @ Belly Up

Propaghandi @ Soma

Fishbone @ Winston’s

Jager Tour @ San Diego Sports Arena

Zsa Zsa Gabor @ Che Cafe

VHS or Beta DJ set @ Spin

 

SUNDAY: Rock n Roll Marathon

Day 2 of Thread

BYOB Party @ Pearl Hotel (all-you-can-eat soup)

Dynamite Walls @ Belly Up

Fleetwood Mac Unleashed: Hits Tour 2009 @ SD Sports Arena

Dat Phan Variety Show Comedy & Music @ Lestat’s

 

TRIBUTE BANDS: Hot August Night, Jumping Jack Flash, Stepping Feet, Turn the Page

As usual, check out yelp.com to fill your social calendar with all the best that San Diego has to offer.

 

LEGION OF ROCK STARS

The most amazing band ever, and our new, biggest obsession.

We decided it would be best to introduce it as a game, even though everbody wins by listening to LRS.

LRS is a group of musicians that record classic songs while wearing noise cancelling headphones. They can’t hear one another, themselves, any music, or anything for that matter.

And the results are amazing. They synch up their recordings to the music video for each song so it looks like the original artists are making the beautiful noise.

Here’s the songs (as recorded by LRS) we had Mario the Mexican Morrissey Fan identify:

Jump – Van Halen

Mother – Danzig

No Rain – Blind Melon

Working for the Weekend – Loverboy

Electric Avenue -

Evenflow – Pearl Jam

Tubthumping – Chumbawumba

 Check them out NOW on our video page.

 

9 a.m.

More Pop Trash: Russian woman blew up her boyfriend’s penis with firecrackers, Aiken disses Lambert, and Wikipedia bans Sciontologists.

 

Hollaback, marijuana.

 

-SS

 http://wave.google.com/

http://oldschoolnick.tumblr.com/

The BEST shows ever made, revisited.

http://moviesinframes.tumblr.com/

Why waste 3 hours on a movie you can watch by looking at four stills? It’s called time management, kids.

5:30 a.m.

Mat and Sammi have an ongoing argument about the relevance and lasting power of print media in the current technocentric climate.

Mat tried to convince Sammi that books should go the way of newspapers and begin to disappear, beginning with Kanye West’s new book Thank You And You’re Welcome!

It is full of Kanye-isms and hand turkeys.

Sammi remained unconvinced, even though she acknowledges the majority of people writing books these days are barely literate.

 

6 a.m.

A handful of San Ysidro High School students will not be allowed to walk at their upcoming graduation because they were caught rearranging furniture in their school as a senior prank.

Mat was surprised that the punishment was so hard despite the insipid lameness of the prank.

He asked callers to tell the tales of pranks and shenanigans at their high schools in the hopes of redeeming the state of debauchery in schools today.

Stories included the classic chicken feed on the roof (and thus chickens on the roof); labelling wild animals with “1,3,4,5,6,7″; and super-gluing locks.

Some really crazy kids put paper bags on their heads in their senior group pictures. WhoooOOOAAAAAaaa.

Then a wild girl called in about switching cafeteria trays from her private, absintant, Nazarene college with a different private college. Hey, look out for those crazy cats.

Sammi said they should have just had a sex party. Then everybody would have won.

Alabama Man cut down trees…

Mat was even more depressed about the tameness of today’s youth.

He flipped his science teacher’s car.

Sammi’s rival school’s mascot was a buck so she waited in the forest to try to catch one, but all she could catch was raccoons. So after eating a few of those she decided to stop messin’ around and just broke into the zoo to get the beast.

He was huge! He put up a fight so she took him by balls and tried to walk it to her rival school’s lawn to slaughter it.

But she ended up getting no further than the zoo entrance before deciding she should be friends with the beast.

She began to ride him out of the zoo and head home.

Two police officers and one zoo attendant tried to stop her.

Two police officers and one zoo attendant were set on fire that night.

 

Pop Trash: ‘Anchorman’ sequel hinted at, anal jewelry, AT&T helped Kris Allen win, Kanye’s book, and Ed Hardy douche wine.

 

Thomas Lennon and Paul Rudd are nominated for the “Best Kiss” at the MTV Movie Awards. Thomad Lennon wants to win. Badly.

 

7 a.m.

HOW’S YA MUTHA!

(or How’s Ya Fatha, today)

Jeanette confronted her 69-year-old dad, Louis, and straight up asked him when the last time he and his girlfriend, Inis, had sex.

Jeanette guessed Louis and Inis “moved the furniture” last Sunday because Inis stayed over that night.

First he said 2,3 or 5 years ago.

When she said he couldn’t be serious, he said her question couldn’t be either.

She asked again.

He responded with, “I don’t know, why,” in the commanding voice of a weathered cowboy and the cackle of a lifelong smoker.

The correct answer was last Thursday, which was in the week long margin of error, so Jeanette won tickets to the MTV Movie Awards this weekend!

Mat told Louis he could turn the tables on Jeanette if he wished to do so.

“I think I already know the answer.”

“When?”

“I don’t know, what time is it?”

It was also revealed that Louis is a retired painter whose preferred brand of cigarettes is “Mary Jane.”

Carlos pointed out how similar Louis is to Sammi’s dad.

Even though he is not technically retired, he is a painter who spends his days playing Battletanx on N64.

And he and Louis smoke the same cigs

The guys love to reward the brand of awkward courage it takes to interrogate one’s mother (or father) about her (or his) sex life, so tune in until the next edition of…

HOW’S YA MUTHA!

(or father)

 

What’s on the Internet? http://runpee.com/

Dan, proprietor of Run Pee, called in to explain his Web site to the masses.

He got the idea after he saw King Kong in theaters.

The movie is three hours long, so by the end he had to pee pretty badly.

He said that in hindsight, ”the scene with the bugs was gross and did nothing for the plot.”

He could have run and peed during it, which would have allowed him to comfortably enjoy the end of the movie.

The site tells you when you should pee (about how long into the movie), and tells you what you missed when you return.

Anybody can add pee times on the site!

 

Mat started talking about movie theater trucker bombs.

Then he started talking about Archie Comics.

 

Sammi told anyone following Run Pee to go while Mat talked about Archie.

 

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Shaun DeWitt, brewmaster of Coronado Brewing Comany and chairman of the San DIego Brewers Guild, came in to celebrate our favorite Thursday morning ritual.

And he brought his 8.5 percent masterpiece: Idiot IPA.

Coronado Brewing Company prides themselves on making sure no previous batches of beer taint any of the current ones.

They were established on August 30, 1996. Born and raised in Coronado. Hometown boys. Etc.

Sammi spilled her beer all over and interrupted the segment. You should have seen the disappointment on Shaun’s face.

The golden amber color flowed over the console beautifully, though.

The San Diego Brewers Guild only references free masonry by its ceremonial the burning of the hops and yeat sacrifices at every harvest moon.

Check ‘em out here!

COLLECT CALL RODEO

The 91X Morning Show plucked collect calling out of obscuity and reappropriated it as their very own prize line!

The game:

Call us collect.

Use the three seconds given to state your name to shout something hilarrrrrrious.

If you’re our favorite and you’re funny, we’ll accept the call and you win!

If not, you helped feed Carrot Top.

Here’s what was yelled:

Cream of Someyoungguy

I’m being induced to give birth on Mon-

Prison fool

Douchemongler

Hi it’s Cal Worthington

Ii like it when you call me big-

Littering aaaand

The Chula Vista Sex Yeti

Scooby doododododoodoo

Mat Diablo loves the…

The winner was awarded tickets to a premiere of ‘The Hangover’ and some other awesome prize that I forgot.

So regress to 1998, and dial down the middle. That’s why they call it a pay phone, it pays to call! Hi ho.

 

Punk Rock ProAm is this Tuesday.

Aaron, Brad and Javier came in from Let It Ride Design. They are making all the shirts for the ProAm.

You may know them as the dudes behind Frightening Lighting. If so, you’ve seen their handiwork.

Basically they run (and print out of) a clubhouse (a warehouse) in Mira Mesa.

But they didn’t want to talk about business.

They wanted to talk about the fact that a violent rapist targetting Asian women in their homes featured in a warning ad from the Extreme Justice League in Citybeat on page 19 looks (and sounds) exactly like one Mat Diablo.

These are also the guys behind the Bunk Bed Rebuttal.

Devotees will remember they have beef with Diablo.

He tried to beef back (does that make sense?), but Aaron just thanked him for continually proving that they are talented entrepreneurs who can sing, rap, print, and so on more successfully than Mat will ever imagine.

Email info@letitridedesign.com for any of your printing needs! They can do anything.

 

9 a.m.

MORE SPECIAL GUESTS!

 Joe Maloof, owner of such things as the Palms in Vegas and the Sacramento Kings, came in studio with buddies Pierre-Luc Gagnon and Jake Brown to talk about the Maloof Money Cup.

 

The Maloof Money Cup, presented by Etnies Monster Energy, has the largest monetary prize of all skateboarding events with $450,000 in cash and prizes.

An unprecedented group of skaters involved this year include Ryan Sheckler, Paul Rodriguez, Shaun White, Eric Koston, Jerome Rogers and MORE!

Check it out July 10-12 during the opening weekend of the OC Fair.

 

Everyone thanked some stuff.

 

Hollaback, marijuana.

 

-SS

http://runpee.com/

Ever need to pee during a movie, but don’t want to miss an important scene? Run Pee tells you which boring parts to pee during, and what you missed while you were away.

5:30 a.m.

A listener turned Mat on to a wacky pair of radio douches somewhere in Virginia known as Tommy and Rumble.

Immediately Mat’s shirt transformed into a Hawaiian shirt, which snowballed into Sammi turning into “the Laughing Chick.”

Tommy and Rumble’s last three guests were: Hooter’s girls, Pauly Shore, and the Harlem Globetrotters.

How come we get stuck with Seth McFarlane and Mark Hoppus? Damn… Next time, Harlem Globetrotters.

 

Mat is going to conduct a social experiment by gaining 500 pounds and riding a Rascal into the $35 all-you-can-eat, all day buffet at the Luxor in Vegas.

He will balance his plates on the vehicle’s basket while berating anyone who nudged him, because he wants to know what it’s like to be that lady.

 

6 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Dane Cook called in before he comes to town to play the Sports Arena on Friday.

He’s at the midway point of his “Isolated Incident” tour.

Devotees will remember his previous appearance on the show.

Mat was a dick to him because we don’t find him particularly funny and just assumed he was a douche.

However, Mat was pleasantly surprised with how eloquently Cook took it all in stride, and harbored a deep (well, decent amount of) respect for the guy from that point on.

Today, Mat reminded Cook of his debut on the show.

“So I  got a gentle ribbing and came back for more.”

Cook said he learned early that if you can’t bust your own balls as a comedian, you’re in the wrong profession.

Theres a joke in his new set that says he received an email from someone that said his parents died of cancer to get away from his comedy.

Cook said that when a blast like that, one that punches you in the gut, comes in he just has to find a way to make it funny.

If he takes, it, puts it in his bit and makes it funny, then he owns it. And no one can mess with him with an attitude like that.

Mat was uplifted by Cook’s message and no longer hid in the little hole of depression he dug for himself earlier this morning.

He called Cook the Tony Robbins of comedy.

Cook agreed, adding that his show should come with a free Shiatsu deep tissue massage.

Catch Cook this Friday at the Sports Arena.

 

What’s on the Internet?

http://dimebag.tumblr.com/

and

This morning Diddy hit 1,000,000 followers on Twitter. There is now an “Unfollow Diddy Movement.”

Sammi said it’s a good thing they call them “followers” because the people that use Twitter are just a bunch of lemmings. They have no reason to unfollow Diddy, but if it’s the number 1 topic, they’ll do anything.

 

According to Men’s Fitness magazine, the fattest city in the U.S. is Miami.

Followed by Oklahoma City. Followed by San Antonio. Followed by Las Vegas… etc.

All the cities one would expect to contain the widest inhabitants did crack the top ten.

However, San Diego is only number 24! Oh my.

Carlos mentioned how he saw that article in his copy of Men’s Fitness.

That pretty much flipped the conversation to inquiring Carlos about his hidden subscription to such a beefy mag.

Hmm… getting jacked? Or getting jacked off?

You decide!

 

7 a.m.

WORLD RECORD WEDNESDAYS

So, first Carlos broke the world record for most pictures of fish sandwiches viewed in one minute.

His assistant held and flipped a stack of stills of various fish sandwiches while Carlos yelled the word “FISH” every time he saw one. The old record, 25, was surpassed and more than doubled at 62 by THE Carlos Montoya.

Then Mat broke the world record for number of David Lee Roth “Panama kicks” done in one minute with 93 kicks. It was quite a feat.

He wore Preston’s karate pants and a shirt that Sammi “David-Lee-Roth-ed out” for him.

Mat set the record for most Waldos found in a Where’s Waldo book in one minute at 4!

Preston ate six cupcakes in two minutes and four seconds CRUSHING the original record of six in 11 minutes. He then reset it at seven cupcakes in two minutes and 45 seconds.

Simultaneously, Mat fit a record 16 pieces of Hubba Bubba in his mouth.

They were both drooling messes.

Sammi attempted (and failed) to break the record for most compliments given in 60 seconds. She blamed it on the fact that he had a roomful of strangers while she was stuck with four people she barely likes. (Just kidding.)

Mat then set the record for most backhanded compliments in a minute at 7.

But no one wanted to congratulate him as they were all upset by his remarks.

Sammi subsequently redeemed herself and broke the record LIVE at the World Record Live Broadcast.

Also broken there: Carlos reclaimed his fish sandwich record, most giraffe tattoos on one shoulder, longest “shhhhhhhhhh,” most binder clips attached to a face, fastest beer shotgun, and many more!

Mat broke the world record for most cards in a deck guessed incorrectly in a row in a minute with 25!

Sammi failed again, tying the record for number of donut holes shoved into donuts in 15 seconds.

Mat failed miserably at attempting to beat the record for naming a rock band for each letter of the alphabet as quickly as possible.

Then Carlos and Sammi went head to head to see who could do the worm the most times in a minute. Carlos got 26, and Sammi matched that within the first 40 seconds WITH boobs and a belly button ring. She did one more in the last 20 seconds just to ensure her victory.

 DJ Edgartronic ANNIHILATED the Rock Band record by naming a band for each letter of the alphabet in 20 SECONDS beating the current record of 53.

Then Carlos did 131 karate chops with accompanying sounds in 30 seconds.

Preston chugged two pint glasses of pickle juice in 17 seconds.

Mat named 37 or so Hall & Oates songs in 60 seconds while Sammi slapped him repeatedly.

Today Preston drank 6 cans of Diet Coke in 2 minutes and 33 seconds beating the previous record by 5 seconds.

Then Mat set his own by doing 17 impressions in 1:40.

He did Bill Cosby, Jerry Seinfeld, Dr. Phil, Bob Dylan, Oprah, John Travolta, Keanu Reeves, Sly Stallone, George Bush, Tony Danza, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill Clinton, Christopher Walken, Tom DeLonge, Carlos Mencia, Chris Tucker, and Kermit the Frog.

He also attempted Robin Williams, Al Pacino in Scarface, amd DMX, but they were awful. 

Break your own records at http://urdb.org/!

And keep an eye out for footage of all our marvelous feats on the VIDEO page of the 91X Morning Show website.

Tune in next time as the 91X Morning show takes on the world, one record at a time.

 

Pop Trash: Mr. T sings for the Cubbies, getting naked while throwing rocks, Weezer Snuggie, Adriana Lima is pregnant, and all-star cast in Paul.

8 a.m.

ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Heath Bell of YOUR San Diego Padres checked in.

Bell is the oldest pitcher on the Padres at 31.

He said the guys thought he was kidding when they first found that out. Everyone assumed he was 27 or 28 because they think he’s just a ”big kid.”

Chris Young turned 30 yesterday, so he’s not too far behind.

Mat asked if Bell was not quite as “animated” as with the Mets, or if he just hasn’t had the same media exposure in the time of controversy.

He thinks the San Diego media tries to plan out when to speak to him to avoid said controversy.

“I’m gonna put it all out there. If you don’t like it, throw it right back at me.”

Bell said the consistent leaders have been Peavy, Adrian, Eckstein, and Giles.

And he’s really excited about how the team’s been doing.

When it comes to face-offs with batters, he doesn’t fear anyone.

Bell admitted that Andrew Giles has been the most successful against him, but that was most apparent when he was with the Mets and Giles was on a roll. Not so much anymore.

Bell made sure he let San Diego know that Manny Ramirez, despite his suspension, has over 1.7 million votes for the All Star Game. He wanted to know, “Where’s Adrian?”

Get out there and vote!

And keep cheering for the Pads.

 

 

Carlos thought of a game that would prove to Mat his iPhone is NOT the end-all, be-all of a source of information.

Carlos would present a pop culture related question, and Mat would have 15 seconds to find it on his iPhone.

After the buzzer, Mat would have to provide an answer. A listener could then agree or disagree with what Mat thought in a Hollywood Squares-esque way of answering.

Unfortunately for Sammi and Carlos, Mat got all of their questions (from Popozao to Guess Who) correct.

Mat gloated and Sammi kicked his iPhone over a mountain.

Not really. But she wanted to.

Mat gave Rob tickets (a fellow nerd who’s on his iPhone so often his girlfriend calls it his iPenis) to War Gods on Saturday.

 

 

9 a.m.

Yesod from Pepper called roughly on time to talk about this Saturday’s show AND the Punk Rock ProAm on Tuesday. 

He called from San Francisco, where he’ll be playing at the Warfield tonight.

Then a few more stops before the Sports Arena on Saturday.

Yesod said the Jager Tour yields the powers that be at Jager to drop off four bottles of the stuff a day.

Yesod wondered why because he assumed they would do everything to make sure they played flawless shows every night. Instead they bring enough booze to ”take out half of New Jersey.”

Yesod said it’s been awesome playing with Pennywise because they, like everyone else, grew up listening to them.

They heard them first from Taylor Steele surf videos, while across the ocean Mat was hearing them on snowboard videos.

Mat asked if Fletcher is currently on the wagon, or if he’s having a “good time.”

Yesod said he’s having a great time. 

“He had a great and interesting night in Chicago. A pool cue broke, and a taxi windshield broke.”

Mat pointed out that Pepper has been known to cover “Broham” quite often.

Yesod said they decided to leave it out on this tour.

They decided it would be awkward “because they actually know how to play it.”

This is the second year in a row Yesod will be joining us for the Punk Rock ProAm.

He and miles from Slightly Stoopid are bringing “incentives.” Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. Say no more.

Mat called Yesod out for only being at $375 in the auction while Miles already raised $1500.

He said he’d have to hop on Twitter right after the interview.

Follow him (and the band) at Pepperlive!

And bid! And see them Saturday! And smoke incentives!

 

 

GET YOUR KARMA ON

Scot from Stay Classy returned for a Yelp-like segment to get people involved with important causes.

Next BIG event: Tailgate downtown!

 

Carlos thanked Tommy and Rumble.

Preston thanked his stomach.

Sammi thanked everyone and anyone who still buys the newspaper.

Mat thanked Sammi for being idealistic.

 

Hollaback, marijuana.

 

-SS

 

http://dimebag.tumblr.com/

Empty teeny plastic bags that once contained something magical. And now, nothing.

http://myparentsjoinedfacebook.com/

It’s only hilarious because my parents have yet to do it.

http://gordonramsayswearsatyou.com/

Ever wanted to be berated by a TV douch on demand? Now you can!

5:30 a.m.

Mat began a short week, after a mercilessly long weekend, with a promise of tales of hot dog instigation and Taylor Swift sedation.

 

6 a.m.

 DRUNK DIAL LINE!

Included:

Text to land line lady says: Mayans are lazy, 2012 is a lie; Mat doesn’t know East County; showering the DUI off after a long day; when I say “hollaback,” you say “marijuana”; a match between one guy’s butt and Sammi’s face; not really Wolverine; ain’t no party like a West Coast party cuz a West Coast party don’t stop; a volunteer for Mat’s next baby mama; no balls or word; some girl’s boyfriend just “engaged to” her; McLovin wants to keep partying; thanks for a female who doesn’t just laugh as everything; Karp drinking beeeeeeer; avocado is number one; and some loud girls graduated.

 

What’s on the Internet?

http://myparentsjoinedfacebook.com/

and

http://gordonramsayswearsatyou.com/

 

UFC SUBMISSION? OR SEX POSITION?

THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE… Sex!

THE ANACONDA… MMA!

THE KEYLOCK… MMA!

THE AMERICANA… MMA!

THE DOG IN THE BATHTUB… Sex!

Ryan from Oceanside knew enough about both to differentiate between the two and win tickets to the War Gods event this weekend at Viejas!

 

7 a.m.

WHAT THE HELL IS PRESTON EATING?

The new segment in which we feed Preston something odd and have him rate it on how hungry you’d have to be to eat it (on a scale of Preston to Oprah).

Mat was going to feed him Balut, a Filipino delicacy and fancy word for ”duck fetus.”

But, his mother-in-law Margarita called at the last minute to warn him against doing so. Apparently he had overlooked the minor detail that Balut has to be boiled for 45 minutes prior to consumption.

So he headed over to Seafood City and picked up a red shiny bag that caught his eye.

Inside: Sea Kid’s Crispy Spicy Teriyaki-style Dilis Anchovies!

He made Preston eat a handful without looking at them.

Preston kind of like them… until he saw their tiny heads and felt the eyeballs pop.

Sammi said they smelled like Petco.

Preston kept eating them despite rating them closer to Preston on the scale. They would probably be about a Nicole Richie.

Then Mat made him take a gulp straight from the bag.

He threw them up in the garbage can that was, for some reason, placed right next to Sammi.

She squealed while he hacked. Ew. 

 

Pop Trash: Cocaine in German Red Bull Cola, Hasbro movies, Towel Day, Mancow got waterboarded, and Twitter TV show.

 

8 a.m.

Mat wanted to share his tale from the long weekend.

Unfortunately it documented the world’s worst fight.

Mat was in Boise, the sin city of the Mormon belt, for a friend’s 30th birthday.

He checked into his hotel, and realized the party was going to be a more swanky affair than he anticipated.

So he ambled down the road to an Urban Outfitters to buy a tie. There, he also found a pair of faux Waldo glasses for 99 cents.

Fans of the show will remember that Mat his a huge fan of putting on costumes and going on weird adventures. (Like when he and his friends visited Sammi at Secret Pizza.)

Flash forward to later that night.

Mat is wasted, donning the glasses.

He and a few of his buddies are eating hot dogs from a cart on the downtown streets of Boise.

A group of Affliction-tee wearing dudes walked past, bumped shoulders, and said, “Where’s Waldo?”

And, “Nice glasses.”

They grumbled and laughed.

Mat turned around and said, ”What?”

From there the fight really picked up steam.

“Nice glasses.”

“Nice… face.”

“What?”

“What?”

Then Mat smashed his hot dog in the other guy’s face, much like a couple does with cake at their wedding.

The other guy grabbed him.

He pushed the other guy.

And that was it.

Meanwhile, in San Diego, the bunk bed guy got rufied at the Taylor Swift concert after he accepted a drink from some strangers. They told him there was “free love” in it. So he gulped it down.

He then had his friend drop his wasted ass off at Sammi’s house. He was wearing a light blue concert tee he bought for $25 with Swift at a picnic with bubbles everywhere all over it.

So who is less macho? If you can even choose one.

 

Carlos thought of a game that would prove to Mat his iPhone is NOT the be-all, end-all of a source of information.

Carlos would present a pop culture related question, and Mat would have 15 seconds to find it on his iPhone.

After the buzzer, Mat would have to provide an answer. A listener could then agree or disagree with what Mat thought in a Hollywood Squares-esque way of answering.

However, Mat pouted and cheated throughout the game. He couldn’t find the answers on his phone, so he started attacking the game, Sammi, Carlos, and began using his desktop and ignoring the timer.

Rob was granted tickets regardless of his answers because Mat’s a big baby.

 

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40!

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40

 

News:  Green Day and WalMart have a Twitter battle, Beastie Boys new record called “Hot Sauce Committee,” Jay Bennett of Wilco dies, T.I. goes to prison today, and Wilco iPhone app.

New Music:  David Berkley’s “Strange Light,” Marilyn Manson’s “The High End of Low,” one of the Marley’s, Sleepy Sun, Viva Voce, and Phoenix.

 

This week’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

1901 – Phoenix

 

 Consider yourselves informed.

 

Carlos thanked Mat for starting a rap battle with East County.

Sammi thanked Mat for ruining Carlos’ game, and her dog Bruce for being awesome.

Preston fell off his chair.

 

Hollaback, marijuana.

 

-SS

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