You Just Got Diablo’d
5:30 a.m.
Mat Diablo failed miserably at trying to establish a new catch phrase, “You got Diablo’d.”
A generic email offered Mat a phoner with Raven Simone. For those of you not “in the industry,” a “phoner” is when a celebrity calls in for an interview.
Mat asked everyone who they would absolutely love to have as a guest.
Carlos wanted Bob Saget,
Mahoney endorsed James Gandolfini.
Mat would, surprise, surprise, invite Barack Obama.
Sammi the Intern wanted Jack White.
Mat revealed that Mahoney may or may not hire women to step on his balls in high heels.
6 a.m.
Mat applauded the ingenuity of holiday beach-goers that realized the booze ban only extends as far as the sand does. Groups of inflatable rafts served as the perfect nautical venues to throw back a few in the sun.
Mat said that he had read in The New Yorker, Popular Mechanics, or US Weekly, he couldn’t remember which, that male Brazilian waxes are becoming increasingly more popular.
When Carlos found out that the likes of P. Diddy and Jay-Z endorse such extreme manscaping, he made the mistake of telling Mat that he was considering getting one.
Mat immediately began a search for an esthetician willing to come in tomorrow morning to give Carlos the ol’ wax on, wax off on air.
A caller suggested they just grab a roll of duct tape and an intern and see what happens.
Mahoney’s viewpoint, “You can’t talk about busting caps if you’re talking about getting your ass waxed.”
To everyone’s shegrin, someone called in and told Mahoney, “You got Diabloed!”
What’s on the Internet? http://bedposted.com/
MAN DATE (Mandate) IV: Passing Gas
Passing gas… cards on to you! (See what we did there?) Because this morning show is committed to help you relieve your gas-related pressure.
This Friday morning, join the 91X Morning Show at the High Dive Bar & Grill for breakfast, booze, a live broadcast, and $1000 in gas cards to give away!
Chances are, if you show up, you’ll walk away with something good! There’s plenty of prizes for all– at the very least enjoy the free breakfast and hot waitresses inexplicably dressed in Oktoberfest outfits.
In addition to the $50 gas cards that will be given away each hour, $100 gas cards will be awarded to winners of eating contests in which contestants have 91seconds to devour as much as they can!
Each heat in the eating competition will have four contestants.
First heat: Eat as much French toast as you can in 91 seconds!
Second heat: Sausage links!
Third heat: Pancakes!
So come, consume complimentary breakfast, laugh at Mahoney’s (bald) expense, and enjoy everything the morning show crew has to offer!
Oh and all the gas cards, of course.
7 a.m.
Mat found, pound for pound, note for note, the worst song ever created: Hinder, “Lips of An Angel.”
He hesitantly asked if anyone could name a worse song, obviously fearing the responses.
Callers nominated Jefferson Starship, “We Built This City;” “Come On, Eileen,” by Dexys Midnight Runners; Joe Pesci’s rap about being a wise guy; “Afternoons and Coffee Spoons,” by Crash Test Dummies; and anything by Nickelback.
If you have a nomination for the worst song of all time, email Mat, Mahoney, or Carlos at morningshow@91x.com! All votes will be compiled into a top five countdown tomorrow morning.
Pop Trash: Madonna and Guy Ritchie buzz, Zachary Ty Bryan tased at a local hotel, Long and Barrymore no more, the spawn of Matthew Mcconaughey, and Mini-Me’s ex speaks out about sex.
Sammi the Intern pointed out that Verne Troyer is no longer than a Fruit-By-the-Foot.
Drunk Dial Line! A Fatty Retrospective
Included:
His Budweiser commercial saluting those who take on the women that are too haggard for even his taste.
“There’s hogs to be f#%cked, and hogs to be wrangled.”
“F#%k you, by the way. Still at the Bum Steer.”
Fatty made it out of Anza and into Ocean Beach!
“What am I on!?”
And then,
“I think somebody gave me Mescalin.”
Devotees will remember the call from when he needed the paramedics on the side of the road, and “his junk wouldn’t work.”
8 a.m.
Mat checked in on Mahoney’s list of people he wants to fight: the Jockey who rode Big Brown, Rod Luck in a dress, and the entire city of Wausau, Wisconsin.
Chessboxing, a sport originally out of an old freight station in Berlin, excited Mahoney to no end. It is, essentially, exactly what it sounds like, combining the two seemingly opposite sports into one full-body challenge.
(Four minutes of chess, three minutes of fighting, four minutes of chess, etc.)
Mat thought a great (and gory) game would combine lawn darts and dodgeball.
Or a real life version of Oregon Trail in which you hunt buffalo while being pummeled with balloons filled with dysentery and cholera.
Carlos wanted to try a three-legged race that involves hurdles.
Or a spelling bee while fencing.
Mahoney invented Mixed Martial Eating, combining MMA and ungodly amounts of food intake. The first one to throw up or be knocked out loses.
Mat challenged Mahoney to a round of MME, and threatened him with The Vomit Guillotine.
They would follow up with a rousing game of water skiing and skeet shooting.
A caller’s potentially perilous combination of rollerblading and paint-balling intrigued Carlos.
NEW GAME!
Troy McClure film? Or actual, terrible movie?
The Erotic Adventures of Hercules: Troy McClure film!
Hydro: The Man With Hydrolic Arms: Troy McClure film!
Snowboard Academy: Actual, terrible film!
Leper in the Backfield: Troy McClure film!
Ernie from Point Loma was enough of a Simpsons buff to differentiate between the two and win passes to this weekend’s Flobots X-Session, the Flobots performance at the Stay Classy Tailgate, and the Padres game!
9 a.m.
Mat referred to himself as a cunning linguist. We got jokes.
Barry White got Sammi the Intern all hot and bothered as he read un-sexy words that sound naughty aloud to her from the dictionary.
Carlos thanked Mat for not allowing Larry King or Jay Leno From Space to infiltrate the show this morning,
Sammi the Intern thanked Barry White for spicing up her morning and making sure she never looks at the dictionary the same way again. And she thanked whoever it was that gave Fatty Mescalin.
Mahoney thanked his mother for worrying about the state of his mental health.
Mat Diablo thanked Verne Troyer’s girlfriend, yet again, for taking one for the team and providing us with more material.
-SS
Wow. Really honored to be linked here. Thanks so much. I would have liked to include this site as a spotlight feature at The Spewker, but sadly, there was no mention of the blog in your article. Maybe next time? Anyway, thanks so much. I love getting Diablo’d
Comment by Cherylt — July 23, 2008 @ 3:45 am