91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

5:30 a.m.

Mahoney dressed up in his best “business casual” attire for a lunch date he has after the show.

He claimed that is wasn’t an actual date, but a business meeting with a business contact that he has some business with. But Mat would know about it if it were a business meeting so he promptly called Mahoney out.

Mat compared Mahoney’s “business” to the old “my girlfriend lives in Canada” excuse.

They went back and forth with this hard-to-follow argument and Mahoney finally admitted that he just wore a blazer because his sweatshirt smelled like cigar smoke.

Nas called in to request that Mat play he and his wife’s song for their anniversary– Hoobastank’s “The Reason.”

Then eight people called to unrequest it. Nas’ wife decided it was time for a new song.

Mat told a joke: “Where does the worst band in the world live?”

“Three doors down.” Hi ho.

The 91X Morning Show: Ruining Your Morning On the Daily

6 a.m.

Mat revisited the end of yesterday’s 91X Morning Show Gameday Tailgate Recap: That Just Happened to share Mr. Houston with the earlier morning travellers who may have missed it.

What’s on the Internet? http://www.stickk.com/

Jordan Goldberg, co-proprietor of today’s website, called in to enlighten Mat to the joys of sticking to your goals.

The website is designed to make sure each and every one of its participants succeed in quitting whatever it may be that he intends to quit.

Goldberg said that the problem with using your friends as “referees” or making wagers with them as a means to complete the task at hand is that, since they are your friend, they will usually give you a break.

And while stickk.com would love to be your friend, they would rather see you achieve your goals!

Stickk.com even allows you to set stakes for your success. If at any point you have not yet reached the level of progress you thought you would have, your wager is collected and given to one of three recipients:

1. a delegated third party of your choosing

2. a charity

or

3. an anti-charity, which is an organization that represents something you are against.

So sign up now and stickk to your New Year’s resolutions!

7 a.m.

Mat wondered how many zombie 5 year olds each member of the show could fight in a contained, basketbal-court-sized area before he/she succumbed to the swarm of tiny fists and merciless, maniacally biting sets of teeny teeth.

Once they or you are unconscious, you’re out. Like dodgeball… but with fists.

Everyone thought they could take on 60+, easily.

Preston speculated he could take on 32 in jeans, but 117 in his infamous karate pants.

Luckily there is a website for such estimations:howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com

Sammi would institute one of MacGyver’s helicopter punches and just spin into the swarm of murderous children.

Carlos agreed.

Mat would pick up one zombie kid and swing him around as a weapon.

Mahoney tried to take a scientific approach to the argument by researching the average size and dimension of a 5 year old human. Mat said he could probably get in a lot of trouble for having that sort of information on his browsing history.

The results:

Sammi, 25

Mat, 22

Mahoney, 38

Carlos, 24

Mat then wondered how many zombie lobsters everyone could fight while on a boat with Harry O.

Join us on the next mandate: How Many Midgets Can You Fight….com

Pop Trash: Hyundai plans “giveback” program.

And a trifecta of break-ups:

Jennifer Love Hewitt, Patricia Arquette, and Katy Perry.

8 a.m.

Preston, a man of meager means, was pulled over on his way to work this morning and issued a speeding ticket. There were additional charges for his lack of insurance.

Additionally, Mahoney was the first person in the entire state of California to get a ticket for texting while driving.

The worst part was that he wasn’t texting anyone. He was fumbling while trying to plug in his hands free headset so he could legally answer his phone.

The officer wasn’t having it, and asked for Mahoney’s license.

Of course, without Mahoney’s knowledge, a clerical error at Nevada’s DMV resulted in a cancellation of his license.

And so, his car was impounded.

Luckily the cops, music fans, let Mahoney go immediately to the impound to pick up the precious Hyundai in exchange for concert tickets.

(Could this have something to do with the mysterious business lunch today?)

He did pay, though. $385 for the 45 minutes it was impounded.

Sam the Cooking guy texted Carlos last night tell him not to worry, he will bring in all the necessary ingredients for this morning’s White Trash Cooking segment.

However, at 3:29 a.m., he texted Carlos again saying that he was not going to make it in, as he was probably pouring another stream of tequila down his throat.

Thus, everyone is hungry today. Preston probably won’t eat at all.

Not wanting to rid Tuesday entirely of a food related segment, Carlos had an idea. He heard from one of his MySpace friends that Keebler bought the recipes from Mother’s Cookies for their infamous Circus Animal frosted treats.

Devotees will remember that Mat had Sammi clear San Diego area grocery store of their stock before Mother’s went under.

So she set up a double blind taste test for Mat and Mahoney to see if Keebler could keep the cookie alive.

Both of the men preferred cup B.

Guess you can’t mess with the original Mother’s Cookies.

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40!

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40

News: Spando Ballet are planning a comeback. Jay Z and Radiohead mash-up. Check it out at Jaydiohead.com! Grateful Dead reunites as The Dead. Courtney Love desperately wants to put out a record. Tyrese has a love hotline.

This week’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

Serch & Destroy – Iggy & The Stooges

Consider yourselves informed.

More Pop Trash: Things less gay than Brody Jenner’s new show.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY

The part of the show when you are rewarded for exposing yourself to the debauchery that the morning’s show surely held.

Lessons included: Stickk.com will steal your money, don’t call Mat’s wife huge or you will get the stinkeye, listening to the 91X Morning Show and watching Rachel Ray are less gay than watching Bromance, and, the winner, Mother’s Cookies are far superior to Keebler’s imposter version.

Carlos thanked Sammi for beating up more five year olds.

Preston thanked Sam the Cooking Guy for raging so hard.

Sammi thanked MacGyver for teaching her the moves needed to handle so many five year olds.

Mahoney thanked his business associates and listed all his sponsors. Cha-ching.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS