Inauguration Day
5:30 a.m.
On inauguration day it is customary for the exiting president to leave the entering president a hand-written note. Mat speculated as to what the Bush-to-Obama note said.
Sammi said it was probably just a hand turkey.
Mat had a dream about Sammi.
She was housed doing an interview for her part on Gossip Girl on Entertainment Tonight.
He compared it to Anna Nicole Smith presenting an award, or anytime Courtney Love speaks.
Although she is not on Gossip Girl yet, she was extremely inebriated all weekend long as it was her 22nd birthday.
That reminded Mat of a handful of text messages he received from part of the celebration.
Most were mixtures of “F you” and “USA,” except Sammi added something about a puzzle and that she was about to puke.
She read a text message that she received from Mat about a certain hallucinogenic garnish. Dot com.
6 a.m.
DRUNK DIAL LINE!
Included:
Mat Diablo is a life destroyer; Skittles is from San Diego and he raps; a lost hamster and a hamster noodle; it’s raining men; the only three Democratic hipsters at Monster Jam; karma karma karma karma chameleon; the drunkest RHCP sing-a-long of all time; Uno and Airplane!; return from TJ; te amo Sammi; scary dream about Mahoney; and Diablo got Montoya’d.
What’s on the Internet?
http://nappingnannas.blogspot.com/
and
and
http://tweettheinauguration.com/
McRib Watch 2009: All the sightings previously reported on by Mahoney have been proven FALSE. Stay tuned.
7 a.m.
Mat read the odds for some inaugural wagers.
Bet on whether Obama’s speech contains the phrases “change has come,” “yes we can,” and “fundamental belief.”
Or stand to make even more if he adds, “Always bet on black,” “Let’s get ready to rumble,” or “Life is like a box of chocolates.”
Mat was in a betting mood as he spent this past weekend cleaning up at a roulette table in Vegas.
He lost a bunch of money betting on the UFC main card after heeding Mahoney’s advice.
He lost even more around the same time that he, allegedly, sent Sammi the text message, “I ate too many mushroooooooooooooooooooms ahhhhhhhhhh iejigjiejeijigjigjiejgjgjgie.”
So after an unsuccessful stab at poker, he meandered over to the roulette table where he discovered the winning strategy to the game.
The Mat Diablo System turns the game of chance into a game of skill.
He said you must be completely inebriated. Then, cross your eyes like you’re trying to see one of those Magic Eye 3-D pictures. Bet on the first numbers that “rise out from the fog,” so to speak.
And that’s it. Make millions of dollars with this full-proof science.
Pop Trash: Black cocaine is back, Kelli McCarty turns in crown for porn, Amy Fisher porn, Sweetin still off the junk, and U2 new single.
8 a.m.
SPECIAL GUEST!
Tim from Rise Against called in to talk about politics in honor of the inauguration.
Mat complimented him on his, as Mat calls it, “Responsible stewardship of celebrity.”
Tim said that he and the rest of the band definitely try to make the most of the podium they have to positively influence those listening by being honest about the change they wish to see in the world.
Tim got into music to spread ideas. He always wanted to be an agent of change, and music was the ideal medium through which he could bring like-minded people together to rally.
If only more bands would follow suit and make shows about people coming together and talking rather than just sales.
Mahoney’s head almost exploded when Tim mentioned that, “Conservatism is becoming synonymous with bigotry.”
But, Mahoney kept his mouth shut as Tim went on about the Democratic victory and celebrated his hometown pride for Obama.
Finally Mat asked what word came to mind after hearing this phrase:
“Dick Cheney attending the inauguration in a wheelchair.”
“Justice.”
Check out the video for Rise Against’s new single “Audience of One” at 91X.com.
Watching the inauguration?
Why not get wasted!
It is a day to celebrate, after all.
Just follow the few simple rules of the official Inauguration Day Drinking Game!
But be careful. You don’t want to drink so much you forget this infamous day (unless you’re Mahoney, who is drinking so he does forget.)
Mat is excited for Obama to institute his “Mandatory Nap Time” proclamation.
The gang tried to play the drinking game but the studio was dry following Sammi’s birthday show. Someone even drank the extra Yeti beer.
9 a.m.
Preston held Carlos in a solid embrace as Barack Obama was officially sworn in as the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!
MORE DRUNK DIAL LINE!
Added:
Mat’s nose ring is sexy; “Intern Sammi the Intern’s” promotional ad; F Mat; and F everybody but Sammi.
More Pop Trash: iPhone viewing app, Freckles quits, and LeVar Burton sings Reading Rainbow.
WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY?
Lessons from listeners: Mahoney’s more retarded than Josh thought, a lot of smoking and drinking going on at the inauguration, and Mat Diablo partied like Nick Nolte in Vegas.
Carlos thanked upsidedowngrannies.com.
Preston thanked Mat for dropping an f bomb in the first four minutes of the show.
Sammi thanked the patriotic drug dealers of America for bringing back black cocaine.
Mahoney thanked the Obama Nation for being an abomination (boo).
Mat thanked himself for making everyone millions.
-SS
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