91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

5:30 a.m.

Mat walked into the studio while Asher Roth’s “I Love College” was blaring from the speakers. He knew what he had to do.

If an early morning rap battle is what Roth wanted, he sure as hell came to the right place.

Mat played Carlos’ “I love Junior College” as a rebuttal.

And it was on.

There’s a new show about fat people finding love that everyone is really excited to make jokes about.

Brenson called in from the eye of a Gas Tank Rodeo hurricane.

Godspeed, lil’ buddy.

6 a.m.

 Mat reaired the interview with Jim Gaffigan from last week in honor of his Comedy Central special “King Baby” that debuted Sunday night.

 What’s on the Internet?

http://thisiswhyyourpetisfat.blogspot.com/

and

http://whythefuckdoyouhaveakid.com/

and

http://www.peoplewhositinthedisabilityseatswhenimstandingonmycrutches.com/

THE 91X MORNING SHOW 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

Join us Friday morning at the 7 10 Beach Club in PB for a FREE party honoring our first year on the air!

Can you believe it!?

Performances by Asher Roth and Iglu & Hartley will provide the soundtrack for a day of drunken celebration.

7 a.m.

ABBY FROM A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY

Grandma Abby, Carlos’ grandmother, called in to aid 91X listeners with love and sex advice.

She is single-handedly in charge of the esteemed Art Center of the senior home in Carlsbad.

Recently a legal US citizen, Abby is wise beyond her years in all facets of life from her years of extraordinary experience.

She is a poet, a writer, a lover, and even had her own radio show back in the day.

By request, the segment was dubbed “Abby from a galaxy far far away.” (Well, Colombia.)

Doug had a question for her. He asked her how to tell his girlfriend one of her dogs died while he was dog-sitting. He was contemplating switching out the dead dog with a new, more alive one.

She said the idea is good for him, but what about his girlfriend?

 She asked what he would do if he brought the new dog to her and it bit his girlfriend.

So, he must tell her the dog died, and then present her with beautiful, new, live dog.

 It was beautiful advice from a beautiful woman.

She then told a joke about elderly prostitutes.

Punchline: “They are having a yard sale.”

Listen in for next time we check in with our Colombian sweetheart.

Pop Trash: San Diego Comic Con 4-day passes already sold out, Michael Jordan spotted at True North, Bill O’Reilly boycotts Sean Penn films, Josh Hartnett hospitalized, ‘Bruno’ gets an NC-17 rating, and ‘More to Love’ finds love for fatties.

Happy birthday, Christopher Walken.

8 a.m.

As you have probably heard by now, Sammi’s man friend has bunk beds. In a breakfast nook. With no doors.

Now, she associates bunk beds with sexual innovation.

An Ikea catalog is her porn mag.

So she wrote a rap song about her experience with bunk beds. Listen below.

Enjoy.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Manny Puig came in to talk about his new show Savage Wild on the Outdoor Channel.

Puig prefers predators like sharks and gators to the more polite porpoises and playful turtles.

He believes his work brings the civilized world closer to the wildness.

Puig wears camouflage on a daily basis. Just throwing that out there.

The Jackass boys originally found him while he was levitating alligators underwater in a speedo.

Savage Wild premieres Saturday at 2 p.m. on the Outdoor Channel.

The first episode features a 2000 lb. Monster Gator.

Carlos asked Mat to use his skills of gauging gators’ age on Mat.

He guessed somewhere in his 30s. Haaaaa.

He also offered San Diego some advice about the whale in the bay, “If the whale dies just wait until the sharks come and eat it.”

9 a.m.

THE BOTTOM 40!

When Mat Diablo uses the little power he has to plummet past the pop on top and reach into the depths of the musical charts to dig some gems gleaming with promise and potential out from…

The Bottom 40

News: U2 skips San Diego, Smashing Pumpkins has open auditions for drummers, Smashing Pumpkins and Tool Lollapalooza rumors, Buddyhead Gossip Page is back, and Lil’ Wayne’s rock album put back again.

This week’s featured tune from Mat’s personal musical piggy bank:

Walking on a Dream – Empire of the Sun

Consider yourselves informed.

Carlos thought that Canada was in the UK.

More Pop Trash: Ohio man receives DUI on a motorized bar stool.

Today we learned that the chicken came before the bitch.

 Carlos thanked Mat for being an idiot.

Preston thanked Manny Puig.

Sammi thanked corn dog flowers that the fatties will be receiving.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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5:30 a.m.

Carlos’ dad is on Twitter. Interesting quips about the Talking Heads and a giant cock (the rooster kind) avatar make for one hell of a Twitter page.

Sammi said her dad’s only “tweet” would be, “Playing Battletanx on N64. Need another Old Style.”

Although he could never use Twitter because he is not exactly “computer-literate.”

She’s pretty sure he thinks the Internet can hear him.

Mat told her that all dads have eccentricities.

Devotees will remember that his own dad tried (and failed) to sell a train on eBay.

And Carlos’ dad has an obsession with roosters.

6 a.m.

DRUNK DIAL LINE!

Included:

More of Sammi on the Morning Show and more Cheap Thrills; Captain Morgan makes an alcohol commercial; Imagination remake; Carlos has gay shoes; wait until you’re sure you’re pregnant before you tell your stoner boyfriend; stoner says: life is worth living until it’s not livable; 5-hour energy keeps you energies; a letter to Sammi inquires about a kiss that was supposed to happen at the top of a mountain; and the marijuana bongos.

What’s on the Internet? http://naked-people.de/

“I’ve never seen this many nips before 7 a.m.”

-Sammi

SPECIAL GUESTS!

Jen and Jen came in from the Padres to talk about the new promotions at Petco this season!

Coca-Cola Value Weekends: Get an Upper Reserved ticket, hot dog and a Coke, all for only $12 for any Friday through Sunday regular season home game. Limit eight tickets per purchase.

Padres 5 for $5 Value Deal: Get a hot dog, regular soda, peanuts, popcorn and a cookie, all for only $5 at any regular season home game. Substitute a 16 oz. beer for the regular soda and pay only $10 for all five items.

ampm All-You-Can-Eat Seats (No, you can’t eat the seats): Purchase a Right Field Upper Box or Right Field Upper Reserved ticket and enjoy your favorite ballpark foods, all for one low price. All-You-Can-Eat menu includes hot dogs/veggie dogs, nachos, popcorn, ice cream novelty and fountain sodas.

Trolley Tuesdays: Get $6 off tickets priced $14 or more for any Padres Tuesday home game with a Tuesday Trolley ticket.

Plus much, much more for supporting your Padres.

Oh, and cheaper beer.

7 a.m.

ABBY FROM A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY

Grandma Abby, Carlos’ grandmother, called in to aid 91X listeners with love and sex advice.

She is single-handedly in charge of the esteemed Art Center of the senior home in Carlsbad.

Recently a legal US citizen, Abby is wise beyond her years in all facets of life from her years of extraordinary experience.

She is a poet, a writer, a lover, and even had her own radio show back in the day.

By request, the segment was dubbed “Abby from a galaxy far far away.” (Well, Colombia.)

She began with a quote by Vincent Van Gogh, “Love is something eternal. The aspects may change, but the essence never does.”

She then gave a brief history of St. Patrick’s Day before reminding Carlos that he must wear green clothes or he will be pinched!

Randy had a question for her. He asked her how to tell his girlfriend that he’s been cheating her.

She scolded him and asked why boys his age always turn to that sort of lifestyle. Love is something strong that stays with you the rest of your life and he needs to figure that out.

But that wasn’t the end of his question.

He had gotten the “other girl” pregnant.

She told him he has to be a man and be responsible for his actions. She also reminded him that he is responsible for his girlfriend, and needs to broach the subject with understanding and communication.

 It was beautiful advice from a beautiful woman.

After she told everyone to spend some money, save some money, amd start good credit early, she had her husband pretend to be “Father O’Malley” and tell a Catholic joke.

Listen in for next time we check in with our Colombian sweetheart.

Pop Trash: Kanye West’s biggest regret is that he can’t see himself perform live, The Bachelor did something wrong, Chris Brown court date, Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan to make a movie, and Lauren Conrad writes a book.

Sammi realized she needs to cash in on the LC news and start ghostwriting for celebutards. Carlos immediately hired her to write his memoirs. Mat approved, and sent them off to a secluded beach house for a week to write a few chapters to sample to various publishers.

We’re going to be rich!

8 a.m.

CATCHING UP WITH THE 91X MORNING SHOW

We’ve had quite a few questions about some of the recent omissions from the 91X Morning Show.

World Record Wednesdays?

They’ll be back! We just wanted to give it a rest for awhile after we anialated so many of them at the record breaking broadcast.

Stay tuned, and keep sending us your ideas!

Sam the Cooking Guy?

He is in the middle of his filming sessions for the next season of his show. He’s about to blow up, man. Soin’ big things. Trust us. But he’ll be back when he’s a bit less busy!

Mahoney?

This is the shitty one.

Mahoney got laid off due to another round of hits to the company’s already laughable budget. We will miss him, of course, but will move on because we love this city. Cheesy, yes, but it’s what keeps the show going. You’re what keeps the show going through the setbacks and sad times.

Mahoney is an extremely talented man who will have no problem moving on with his career.

Okalahoma declared their state rock song the Flaming Lips’ “Do You Realize?”

Mat researched other state songs…

Montana: 15 beers – Johnny Paycheck

Oregon:  Let’s Smoke Some Pot – Dash Rip Rock

Utah: Let the Eagle Soar – John Ashcroft

Wisconsin: Lavergne and Shirley Theme Song

Indiana: (sad trombone sound)

Florida: Interior Crocidile Alligator

Arizona: Butterfly – Crazytown

Connecticut: Breakfast in America – Supertramp

Mississippi: Sweet Home Alabama – Lynyrd Skynyrd

Illinois: Superbowl Shuffle – 1985 Chicago Bears

California nominees: California Love, Californication, Going to California, California, Dani California, California Dreaming, and California Uber Alles (WINNER)

9 a.m.

SPECIAL PERFORMANCE!

LES CLAYPOOL came in to talk about his Oddity Faire show tonight at the House of Blues and jam with a local Theremin player.

They covered the Residents.

It was unbelievable and epic and weird in the best way possible. LISTEN BELOW!

More Pop Trash: A Florida woman called 911 after her local McDonald’s ran out of Chicken nuggees, JetBlue Sale, Myspace execs leave before the fall, and Miley Cyrus lets it all hang out.

 Carlos thanked the Dead Kennedys.

Sammi thanked the 1985 Chicago Bears for being the only thing she has to be proud of.

Everyone thanked Les Claypool.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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5:30 a.m.

Mat declared Zima the “Crystal Pepsi” of beer.

Sammi couldn’t figure out if she had to throw up, or was just hungry, so she decided to just make fun of Carlos’ bedroom and the two Bud Lights he keeps in his mini fridge to change the subject.

6 a.m.

Sara Barone, some chick, wrote a book called “People Are Unappealing.”

In it, she reveals that Michael Stipe is a terrible tipper.

Apparently he and his entourage wandered into the restaurant she works at, made them stay open five hours late, smoked inside, and ordered $2000 worth of food.

The restaurant paid for it, and Stipe left NO tip.

Amy, a masseuse at Hotel Del had a coworker that massaged David Hasselhoff.

He tipped her with an 8 by 10 autographed glossy photo.

Another caller encountered the bass player from P.O.D. while working at FedEx/Kinko’s who subsequently smoked him out and then “hooked him up” with some beef jerky. Best tip ever.

Another guy served some of the St. Louis Rams who rang up a $750 bill. Even though they left a measly $35 dollar tip, he was starstruck enough not to care.

A Pedicab driver came across Wee Man and Jack Nicholson (not at the same time) in his line of work. Nicholson is a great tipper, while Wee Man tips relative to his size.

What’s on the Internet?

http://tacomap.com/

and

http://howtobakeapotato.com/

and

http://islostarepeat.com/

and Carlos’ pick:

http://n.ethz.ch/~stadleja/

oh, and,

http://weneedmorelemonpledge.com/

7 a.m.

ABBY FROM A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY

Grandma Abby, Carlos’ grandmother, called in to aid 91X listeners with love and sex advice.

She is single-handedly in charge of the esteemed Art Center of the senior home in Carlsbad.

Recently a legal US citizen, Abby is wise beyond her years in all facets of life from her years of extraordinary experience.

She is a poet, a writer, a lover, and even had her own radio show back in the day.

By request, the segment was dubbed “Abby from a galaxy far far away.” (Well, Colombia.)

She began with a topical joke:

“Due to the rising cost in electricity, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.”

Dave had a question for her.He asked how to get his girlfriend in the mood.

She told him to give her some flowers, play some beautiful beautiful music, be understanding, and then he will have a wonderful time.

She also warned him not to contradict her. Once in awhile he has to listen to her, too.

The music she suggested: Bolero.

It was beautiful advice from a beautiful woman.

And, as usual, she left us with a joke:

“What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?”

“It made him wet his plants.”

Listen in for next time we check in with our Colombian sweetheart.

Pop Trash: Jerry Seinfeld to host reality show, Holly Madison and Chris Angel split up, T.I. is asking Martha Stewart for prison advice, Pylon guitarist dies unexpectedly, final Harry Potter movie announced, and Samuel Jackson to play Nick Fury.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST!

Today the gang reviewed Rising Moon from Blue Moon Brewing Co.’s Spring seasonal collection.

The brew is 5.4 percent alcohol.

It cost $7.99 from BevMo Mission Valley. Mahoney spent a total of $17.49 on beer for this morning.

It was NOT on sale.

Carlos read the label and declared it tasted like lime (…because that’s what it says on the label.)

He compared it to Squirt with booze, but Sammi thought it tasted like chapstick.

To be fair though, Sammi didn’t want to participate in beer for breakfast today.

She had beer for dinner last night.

The last food she ate was a bite of Preston’s PB and J after the show yesterday morning.

Mahoney described the honey hue while Sammi said the beers always looks brown… because she looks through the bottles.

Mahoney was pleased by the ample, fizzy head.

Mat was pleased by the scent. He compared it to a skank’s white leather pants on Hinders tour bus.

Carlos disagreed saying it smelled more like talc powder.

Sammi tasted gingerbread, but noone else did.

Mahoney said that could possibly be from all the yeast.

Mahoney described to mouth feel. The beer’s light to medium body, did not have as much carbonation as he had hoped thus, he rated it a meager 3.15 of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.

STD Medication? Or Character From the Neverending Story?

SUPRAX… STD Med!

ARTAX… Character!

CAIRON… Character!

ALDARA… STD Med!

Jeff knew enough about both to differntiate between the two. Thus, he was awarded tickets to Rise Against and Mountain High lift tickets!

9 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Justin Ecsh of the Bacon Salt Enterprise called in to discuss the rapid success of their newest product: Baconaise!

He hopes that someday their condiment line will be as big as Tabasco.

Devotees will remember that the 91X Morning Show is solely responsible for their success as they appeared FIRST on our show in January 2008

Needless to say, we are big fans of bacon and all bacon-related products.

They even distributed a limited edition bacon flavored chapstick.

And cheddar/Bacon Salt injected hot dogs!

And keep an eye out for Bacon Salt flavored sunflower seeds by Bigs!

Support their dreams of releasing a salad dressing. Buy Bacon Salt.

“Bacon will never go out of style.”

More Pop Trash: Slumdog kids get new houses, Stevie Wonder honored at the White House, and Drew Barrymore wants Jennifer Aniston to dump John Mayer.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?

Lessons learned: Sammi got her “JUGs” in Catholic school, go online to bake a potato, and a sandwich in every beer means it makes a good lunch.

Carlos thanked Mat for letting him know that Zima is the Crystal Pepsi of beer.

Sammi thanked Abby for her newest party joke.

Mahoney thanked Bacon Salt.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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 Beer For Breakfast [17:39m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

5:30 a.m.

Mat asked if everyone wanted to chip in to buy Doug Manchester’s house.

It costs $30 million or so, but it has 11 bathrooms… which is awesome.

Sammi chipped in $5, but that only put them at $67 collectively.

Mahoney was upset as he thought of all the Myspace pictures he wouldn’t be able to take in those 11 bathrooms.

Carlos helped Sammi study for her midterm today, but it came to a halt when she couldn’t figure out how to transcribe the sound of a bong rip.

6 a.m.

Mat replayed K’Naan’s interview and live performance from late in the show yesterday, in case you missed it!

What’s on the Internet? http://thefuckingweather.com/

WHAT THE HELL IS TATTOOED ON MAT’S BODY?

Janee, an 18-year-old with some questionable tattoos of her own (lips, a dinosaur), called in to see if she could figure out what was actually artwork on Mat’s body, and what was just hearsay.

5-22-59 (Morrissey’s birthday) on his wrist: NO! (He wants it though.)

The Rebel Alliance tramp stamp: NO! (His friend does.)

The Symbol of the early 1900s German Gymnastics team later used by the band Jawbreaker: YES! (Tramp stamp.)

Two rampaging unicorns destroying the city of Reno with laser beams from their horns and eyes on his stomach: NO! (His brother does.)

A bomb that says “Rock and Roll” on it: NO! (Someone Sammi knew in high school does.)

Janee won VIP tickets to Kat Von D’s Musink festival this weekend in Costa Mesa!

7 a.m.

To prepare for World Record Wednesdays, Carlos and Preston were going to set their own record of making and canceling the most plans in a minute. Once they began, it turned into something completely different.

MAKING PLANS, CANCELING PLANS

Carlos called The Dobbinator, a sales exec, first. He invited him to the Tickled Trout tonight, but had to cancel as soon as he agreed. He then did it four more times.

Then Carlos called a friend from State he attended the infamous sex party with, and invited him to a sex party of his own. He claimed his mom would be out of town, but when his friend expressed his excited interest, he remembered he would be out of town too. He got him three times and then hung up on him.

Preston called McKenzie and invited her to a party on Friday. He remembered he was going to be out of town, so asked what she was doing after her art show on Saturday night. Then he remembered he’d still be out of town. He hung up on her just as she yelled, “What the f%*k, Preston!”

Finally, Preston called his old frat bro “McTall Stuff” and invited him to Carlos’ fake sex party. This time it backfired when McTall Stuff hung up on him just as he promised chicks, beer, pasta, and fruit salad.

Pop Trash: Psychologist files complaint about Octomom, Rachel Bilson engaged, Jo Bros play musical chairs, LiLo spends time with Chance, new MC Hammer reality show, and Sarah Jessica Parker talks about ‘Sex’ sequel.

8 a.m.

WORLD RECORD WEDNESDAYS

So, first Carlos broke the world record for most pictures of fish sandwiches viewed in one minute.

Mahoney held and flipped a stack of stills of various fish sandwiches while Carlos yelled the word “FISH” every time he saw one. The old record, 25, was surpassed and more than doubled at 62 by THE Carlos Montoya.

Then Mat broke the world record for number of David Lee Roth “Panama kicks” done in one minute with 93 kicks. It was quite a feat.

He wore Preston’s karate pants and a shirt that Sammi “David-Lee-Roth-ed out” for him.

Mahoney set the record for most calories consumed in the least amount of time. To accomplish this, he chugged one Large Chocolate Oreo Shake from Baskin Robbins in 52 seconds.

The shake was voted number one on Men’s Health’s list of the 20 worst foods of 2009.

Nutrition facts: Baskin Robbins Large Chocolate Oreo Shake
2,600 calories
135 g fat (59 g saturated fat, 2.5 g trans fats)
263 g sugars
1,700 mg sodium

Mahoney subsequently died from an unfortunate combination of  brain freeze and diabetes.

Mat set the record for most Waldos found in a Where’s Waldo book in one minute at 4!

Preston ate six cupcakes in two minutes and four seconds CRUSHING the original record of six in 11 minutes. He then reset it at seven cupcakes in two minutes and 45 seconds.

Simultaneously, Mat fit a record 16 pieces of Hubba Bubba in his mouth.

They were both drooling messes.

Last week Mahoney set another record of his own as he took Sammi “Over the Top” four times in one minute.

This entailed him waiting until she got him almost down in an arm wrestling match, flipping his hat around, and reciting a quote from the film before taking her OVER THE TOP.

Today Sammi attempted (and failed) to break the record for most compliments given in 60 seconds. She blamed it on the fact that he had a roomful of strangers while she was stuck with four people she barely likes. (Just kidding.)

Oh and she said “shit.” Way to go, girl.

She will try again LIVE at Man Date 12 this Friday.

Mat then set the record for most backhanded compliments in a minute at 7.

But no one wanted to congratulate him as they were all upset by his remarks.

Break your own records at http://urdb.org/!

And keep an eye out for footage of all our marvelous feats on the VIDEO page of the 91X Morning Show website.

Tune in next week as the 91X Morning show takes on the world, one record at a time.

AND join the 91x Morning Show with the guys from URDB at the House of Blues LIVE this Friday morning!

Come down and break some world records of your own!

MAN DATE (Mandate) XII: Breaking World Records

The World Record Appreciation Society from URDB.org has been throwing record-breaking parties in Brooklyn for quite some time now.

The powers that be at URDB heard about the west coast chapter started by the 91X Morning Show, and is coming all the way out to break some SoCal records at a live broadcast from the House of Blues this Friday morning!

Mat, Mahoney, and Carlos all currently hold records as previously featured on World Record Wednesdays.

Don’t you think it’s time you accomplished something great?

What record do you want to break?

Email your ideas to morningshow@91x.com or call 570-191X and join us THIS FRIDAY at the House of Blues for a record-breaking party and live broadcast!

Superhero? Or Gay Bar?

FLAMING CARROT… Superhero!

HOTSPOT… Superhero!

FANTOMEX… Superhero!

MOUSTACHE… Gay Bar!

NORTHSTAR… Gay superhero!

George cheated but was awarded tickets to Watchmen anyway. Woo!

SPECIAL GUESTS!

9 a.m.

ABBY FROM A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY

Grandma Abby, Carlos’ grandmother, called in to aid 91X listeners with love and sex advice.

She is single-handedly in charge of the esteemed Art Center of the senior home in Carlsbad.

Recently a legal US citizen, Abby is wise beyond her years in all facets of life from her years of extraordinary experience.

She is a poet, a writer, a lover, and even had her own radio show back in the day.

By request, the segment was dubbed “Abby from a galaxy far far away.” (Well, Colombia.)

Today she taught everybody that breakfast is the most important meal of the day because it means love. Aww.

Ernie had a question for her, “I have been dating the same girl for five years, how can I tell if she’s faking an orgasm?”

She said that that comes from experience. And if they’ve been dating from when he was 16 until he was 21, they’ve certainly had a lot of experience.

Abby told Ernie that he has to be able to see her eyes and read her mannerisms, because the eyes are the windows of the soul.

It was beautiful advice from a beautiful woman.

She has a book coming out soon entitled, “Colombina.” Keep an eye out for it!

She left everyone with a joke:

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?

I love you with all my art.

Listen in for next time we check in with our Colombian sweetheart.

More Pop Trash: Yahoo makes iPhone-like technology, Facebook and Twitter top social sites, Ashton Kutcher to star in movie that’s been done a million times, Pride and Predator, Martin Lawrence recycles a movie idea too, JD Fortune is broke and homeless, and Harry Caray died 11 years ago today.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY?

Lessons learned: sex parties aren’t complete without fruit bowls and potato salad, make someone look you in the eyes during sex, not to try to win tickets while driving because you’ll get pulled over, and it’s a beautiful day because Abby says so.

Carlos thanked Abby and the Dobbinator.

Preston thanked Spekenzie.

Sammi thanked herself for failure.

Mahoney un-thanked Mat for bringing up his psoriasis.

Mat thanked Mahoney and Preston for their “making plans” song.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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 World Records [15:58m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

 

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