91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

5:30 a.m.

Mat said Sammi smelled like a distillery. She only got an hour of sleep.

Mat predicted either Sammi would be hilarious today, or you wouldn’t hear a peep out of her.

Mat only got four hours of rest. Asleep, burrito in belly, he dreamt the greatest song in the world.

Unfortunately he forgot everything except the lyric, “This is our band.”

Mat saw Sam the Cooking Guy out and about last night dressed head to toe in Fubu with frosted tips and Oakley’s.

He was jealous of all the attention Sam was getting, and pouted when Sam failed to notice that they were standing right next to one another for 45 minutes before Sam the Cooking God said hello.

We love him.

Sammi mumbled about Drumline and manatees before announcing she has to go to the DMV today.

 6 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Bo Burnham, the 18-year-old comical musician or musical comedian, called in to talk about his special on Comedy Central tomorrow night.

Mat asked if the offensive nature of his humor is acceptable due to his delivery or to his boyish good looks.

He attributed it to his boyish good looks because then people can just say, “Oh, he’s a kid, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Mat asked what it was like to be one of the most subscribed to people on YouTube.

Burnham replied existentially, “What does subscribed even mean?”

He dismissed the honor as somewhat meaningless as all his subscribers aren’t necessarily people. They could be cyborgs or just one guy with a bunch of accounts.

Burnham said it’s easy to become a YouTube sensation. It just takes a lot of luck and a complete lack of dignity.

Watch his Comedy Central special tomorrow at 11 p.m. if you like word play and a dude who’s just “a little bit goofy.”

And keep an eye out for the musical he is writing with Judd Apatow.

Mat played one of his songs for everyone called “Love Is.”

What’s on the Internet?

Post a question for President Obama here.

and

http://100waystokillapeep.blogspot.com/

7 a.m.

 ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Jim Gaffigan called in to talk about his upcoming Comedy Central Special and, of course, Hot Pockets.

Gaffigan promised it will be as controversial as ever as he tackles hard-hitting issues and taboo topics like bacon, ketchup, and bowling.

He said he’s so offensive that half the crowd typically walks out of the room as soon as he enters.

Mat told him that he needs to always rock a beard to which he replied, “Girl, I hear you.”

His brief history lesson taught us that Vikings went to Ireland and partied it up, leaving him with pale skin and blondish red hair.

Sammi asked him about a MySpace message she received from him when she first created an account way back in high school.

He personally wrote a note and sent her a friend request because she had “manatees” listed under her Interests. At the time he said he was simply seeking out anyone who shared his Interest in manatees.

Gaffigan says that technology is moving way too rapidly for him. For example, he only uses his Twitter to tell people that he loves diarrhea.

Check out his special “King Baby” Sunday at 9 p.m. on Comedy Central!

Pop Trash: The Shins tour, ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ trailer (!!!!!!!), Sean Penn and Nat Portman, Three Stooges movie, and a man calls 911 after his estranged wife handcuffs herself to him.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Finally, a boisterous crew in to enjoy some brew!

Mark, Brandon and Nate from Oceanside Ale Works came in to share their beer and laughs with us.

The brewer, GM, and lead brewer, respectively, presented Mat with a 91X tap handle made of wood from the original Oceanside pier.

It was to make up for Brandon’s P1 Army tattoo.

Two of the brewers are school teachers. Brandon is one of Mark’s ex-students.

The guys got into the brewing biz almost accidentally.

“It was a hobby that spun way out of control.”

They said life’s easy when you’re doing what you love and get to drink on the job. (Sounds familiar.)

The gang reviewed Oceanside Ale Works’ American Strong Ale. The 9.2% beer was originally a mistake.

Mark said if we drank it right when its done fermenting without letting it age, it would taste like jet fuel.

But we didn’t, so it didn’t.

They planned on making it a seasonal ale, but locals began sitting at the door shaking their pint glasses chanting, “I need the strong ale!”

Carlos compared it to the pot o’ gold at the end of a drunken rainbow.

Mat compared it to a tranny… and it made sense.

She’s smooth and sultry and then BAM! There’s an Adam’s apple.

Sammi said it tasted like the California Dream. It had the savory flavor of everything she imagined about and moved out here for.

Find Oceanside Ale Works all around the tri-city area from Four Seasons to P’s and Q’s.

Keep an eye out for their upcoming Cactus Cream Ale!

And visit the tasting hours on Fridays and Saturdays for $4.

Email beer@91x.com if you want to come in!

And gear up for our Home Brew Challenge.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 13TH GRADER?

Carlos is pretty, but is he smart?

Carlos, the 91X Morning Show’s resident 13th grader, and Javier, a Mexican Cal grad who wanted to take on the Colombian Dark Lord in a battle of the Latin races, went head to head in a battle of knowledge.

Mat’s wife put the game together for today so it was super-hard because she’s super-smart.

The questions:

Name the primary colors.
What’s the denominator in 1/5?
What’s the formula to find the area of a circle?
In Greek (not Roman) mythology, who is the god of the Sea?
A triangle that has three unequal sides is what kind of triangle?
What year did Neil Armstrong land on the moon?
Who wrote “Catcher in the Rye?”
Name the capital of Washington.
How long did the war of 1812 last?
Who painted the Mona Lisa?

Javier went first, answering only 2 correctly.

Sammi was, again, the only one who believed that Carlos would break his losing streak today.

AND HE DID!

He was on fire.

Mat snuck Javier the tickets to Offspring and Alkaline Trio while Carlos was gloating.

9 a.m.

 YET ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Scott from Stay Classy returned for a Yelp-like segment to get people involved with important causes.

Get Your Karma On?

Today: Wild & Scenic Environmental Film Festival @ Gaslamp 15.

Free beer and wine!

March 27: Pre-party for Elemental Experience @ Stingaree.

April 2: Engineers Without Borders Wine to Water Fundraiser @ Airport Lounge.

The more wine you drink, the more water you provide for those in need!

And don’t forget to get your tickets to Elemental Experience!

More Pop Trash: Blink 182 at a recent photoshoot, and Blender mag closes.

Carlos thanked himself.

Preston thanked OAW and The Farside.

Sammi thanked Jim Gaffigan for sharing her love of manatees.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

5:30 a.m.

Mat reported on a Maryland woman who was injured in a sex toy accident.

(Sammi said she always forgets about Maryland.)

A man apparently placed a sex toy over a saber saw blade to use on his girlfriend. The saw cut through the blade, among other things.

Carlos made the report extra-awkward by playing random, jaunty tunes any time there was the slightest pause.

 6 a.m.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 13TH GRADER?

Carlos is pretty, but is he smart?

Carlos, the 91X Morning Show’s resident 13th grader, and Rob, an Imperial Beach native who is unfamiliar with Tabernacle, went head to head in a battle of knowledge.

Preston put the game together for today, including 12 questions (instead of the usual 10) for some reason.

Since no one noticed for quite some time, it proved that Preston is not smarter than himself. And everyone is smarter than the 91x Morning Show.

The questions:

What is Michaelangelo’s most famous sculpture named?

What language is spoken by the most people in the world as their primary language?

Spell “Colombia.”

How many ounces of weed are in two pounds?

If you’re an hour and 52 minutes late to work, how many minutes late are you?

Locate the ARTICLE in this sentence:  “I live in the basement of my mom’s house.”

What is the capital of Texas?

Who is the oldest President elected into office?

Sodium chloride is also commonly known as what?

What is Beethoven’s first name?

What is the planet closest to the sun?

How many Supreme Court Justices are there?

Rob went first, answering an impressive eight of twelve correctly.

Sammi was the only one who believed that Carlos would break his losing streak today, and thought he would at least get seven.

He did extremely well, answering six of twelve correctly. Unfortunately, he remained completely defeated (as in, the exact opposite of “undefeated”).

Thus, Rob was awarded tickets to the World Baseball Classic!

What’s on the Internet? http://www.mint.com/

7 a.m.

Mat mistook the movie “The Untouchables” for Keanu Reeves’ “The Replacements.” For shame, Diablo.

 BREAKIN’ HEARTS, TAKIN’ NAMES

After scouring the dirty corners of Craigslist for your entertainment, Mat found this gem:

“girl who dumped me over the phone at 1:30am – m4w

Date: 2009-01-18, 1:57AM PST

In retrospect, it would have been more fun to play along, but I was a bit too groggy to think fast. Oh well, next time a wrong number breaks up with me, I’ll be ready.

Give me a call if you want to practice dumping guys, I guess my number’s probably in your phone now. Try to call before 10 though.”

Sammi decided to try this scenario out on an unexpecting stranger since we ran out of friends to play Making Plans/Canceling Plans with.

She called Carlos’ friend (with whom he had previously made plans and canceled them), and broke up with him.

(This was the guy that was really down for a sex party at Carlos’ mom’s house.)

His reaction was priceless.

He told her she sounded fiesty, and repeatedly suggested they not end things before they’ve even had a chance to begin.

But she couldn’t forgive the fact that he renegged on his promised to go to her little sister’s dance recital and ditched her at Olive Garden even after she delivered her end of the deal (a taboo sex act).

Tune in next time for BREAKIN’ HEARTS/TAKIN’ NAMES!

Pop Trash: Jo Bros on South Park, Cramer vs. Stewart 2k9 TONIGHT, Joaquin Phoenix rap brawl, Daft Punk set to do Tron 2.0 soundtrack, and Bristol Palin and fiance split.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Tony and David from Airdale Brewing Company came in to share their new brew: the Airdale Dark and Stormy Imperial Stout.

Actually, all their brews are relatively new as they have only been around for seven months.

The two banded together after they discovered their mutual love of beer.

“Hmm, why not open up a company that makes beer?”

Brilliant.

I don’t know how to bring this up subtly… they brought in a keg!

It was certainly an eye opener for a breakfast beer. At nine and a half percent alcohol, some may say it is the wrong way to start your day.

But not the degenerates that make up the 91X Morning Show!

Carlos would pour it on his pancakes. Sammi would pour it in her cereal. Mat just poured it down his throat.

The magic in the beer lied in the fact that it has less sugar than most beers with higher alcohol contents. And less sugar = less hangover.

You can find Airdale’s at Cask Room downtown, Porter’s Pub at UCSD, and the Local on 4th and C, and many other local institutions. 

Mat pointed out that there is no excuse to not drink local beer at this point. Because this beer is delish.

Airdale has a huge spectrum of styles and versions of beer, according to Tony. Just try it!

Tony and David’s preferred local beers are, respectively, Green Flash’s 30th Street, and Pizza Port’s Wipeout IPA.

Carson Daly was supposed to come on to talk about Proposition 317, but his handlers blew us off. Instead, Sammi pretended to be Daly while Mat gave Pennywise tickets to vsrioud sob stories. Everyone argued. It was one of the better freestyle segments so check it out below!

9 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Tim Lee, the Power Point Comedian, came in to talk about his show Saturday night up in Carlsbad.

Lee, a PhD of some sort of science, utilizes slides and power points to make jokes.

For example, he’ll compare the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle to peeing in the right place.

He’s also working on a script about an awkward scientist that learns to meet women by studying animals–the part he was born to play.

Mat made a great point, “If the scientists are laughing, then America laughs with them.”

Check out his website here, or see him LIVE at Carlsbad Village Theatre on Saturday!

Pop Trash: Family Guy causes controversy, and Prince books three-night gig on Leno.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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5:30 a.m.

Last Friday we broke an “s load” of world records at the House of Blues.

Included: Carlos reclaimed his fish sandwich record, Sammi paid the most compliments in a minute, Mat performed the longest, “Shhhhhh,” the most Hindu push ups done by a Forrest Gump impersonator, the most binder clips attached to a face, most giraffe tattoos on a shoulder,and many more!

Mat looked like he aged three years since Friday because of this weekend’s trip to Reno with his buddies.

6 a.m.

Mat admitted that he is afraid of the comet that will be visible tonight because he thinks it will shower space garbage upon him.

DRUNK DIAL LINE!

Included:

No more back-handed compliments; Six Hour Energy; Spanish lessons with Captain Morgan; Anchorman quote; international call from Japan; most Slankets worn in one minute; thanks for Friday; tummy sticks; a disgruntled drunk is asked to leave the bar; drunk dial number on Wikipedia; surfin’ birds; and Mat’s daughter calls from the future to ask him to not be a douchebag while she’s growing up.

What’s on the Internet? Nerdy Internet Game.

1. Click “Random Article” on Wikipedia for your band name.

2. Click on “Random Quotations” on QuotationsPage.com for your album name.

3. Click “Random Pictures” on Flickr.com for your album art.

7 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Chrissy Russo called in to talk about the camera that aims directly down the front of her shirt.

She cordially invited the guys to broadcast live from her show some time.

She even offered access to her private liquor cabinet!

If it does happen, Russo and Sammi are going to do a special bikini weather report.

Before she left, she offered in depth insight into tonight’s weather: It may rain, and it may be cloudy. But maybe not.

Pop Trash: Oscars happened, Conan’s final show, Internet gambling made legal, smash doll, gossip site defends Rihanna pic, and the Razzies.

MAN DATE (Mandate) XIII: Ditch Day with the 91X Morning Show

This Friday join the 91X Morning Show at Mountain High for a day packed with snowboarding and music and hot cocoa and marshmallows and mittens and more!

Winners and invitees will be presented with Mountain High lift tickets while the morning show broadcasts live from the lodge.

The dudes from Carolina Liar will be hanging out in the lodge and provide attendees with a nice, warm, fuzzy acoustic set.

There will also be a free Shiny Toy Guns concert on the mountain later in the afternoon!

Win your way in all this week!

8 a.m.

The guys recapped the Oscars.

Basically Ben Stiller had a huge beard and wasn’t funny, and Will Smith said, “Boom goes the dynamite.”

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 13TH GRADER?

Carlos is pretty, but is he smart?

Carlos, the 91X Morning Show’s resident 13th grader, and Devin, a former J.C. student (for a month and a half), went head to head in a battle of knowledge.

The questions:

Where does Silk come from?

What is the largest lake in North America?

Who did America fight in the Revolutionary War?

What is 108 divided by 9 ?

Who is the only person to hold both the US Vice Presidency and the US Presidency but was never elected to either office?

Who is the only African American to hold to position of Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff?
True or False: More water vapor is held in cool air than in warm air?
Who is the current with Queen of England?
What state is nickname is “The Silver State”?
True or False: James K. Polk served as a President before Abraham Lincoln?

Devin went first, answering one of ten correctly. And it was a lucky guess.

Carlos answered one as well.

Mat gave them both one freebie when they answered “Elizabeth” instead of “Elizabeth II,” so they tied at two.

Two as in, “Two more world beaters.”

Thus, she was awarded tickets to the Rise Against & Rancid show, not even on sale yet!

9 a.m.

More Pop Trash: Nicole Richie expecting again, and Battlestar Galactica movie.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY?

Lessons learned: The guys will gladly demoralize Chrissy Russo’s Mega Map, and the comet is moving backwards thanks to space magic.

Carlos thanked Space Garbage.

Sammi thanked Peter Fonda.

Mahoney thanked Mat’s future daughter.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

5:30 a.m.

Preston’s Dream Girl emailed Sammi again:

“I wanted set the record straight and let everyone know that I am definitely real, live in San Diego, and do not have a goddamn FUPA.  But for the sake of good humor, here’s a little gift for Carlos.”

Rad. Yay for Depreston!

6 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Mat: Sammi, where do you go when you need to find out what the weather is?

Sammi: Outside.

Zing.

The answer he was actually looking for was “Chrissy Russo on Fox 5!”

Chrissy Russo called in between “weather on the 5’s” to chat with the guys about nothing in particular.

Her bubbly demeanor enchanted Carlos, Mat and Mahoney.

Carlos lost it when she said she had a Snuggie.

She giggled about her miniskirt on Monday, and the rumors of the 91X Morning Show’s “Chrissy Russo Doppler 5000.”

When Mat told her to lay off the conservative pantsuits as they make our show (and mornings) mundane,she giggled.

And she giggled throughout her in depth Padres report, “Those guys are great, great, great!”

Carlos called her out for rejecting his invitation to a Wolfmother concert three years ago.

She didn’t remember.

He asked her out again, and she completely avoided even giving him an answer. He assumed it was a “not a chance, buddy.”

Chrissy Russo then hopped on the back of a studly non-smoker’s motorcycle and headed off into the sunset over the Coronado Bridge and out of Carlos’ grasp.

Aww.

What’s on the Internet? http://www.fmylife.com/

7 a.m.

FEATURED GRAMMY INTERVIEWS

Dr. Drew is doing the lord’s work.

Mat spoke to him at the Grammy’s about his new show, Sober House.

The show follows some of the people from Celebrity Rehab as they try to live… soberly… in a house.

Guess the name speaks for itself.

Also on the show is Andy Dick, Mary Carey, and Stephen Adler.

Dr. Drew revealed that Andy Dick used to beat his Bitches, by the way.

He once stabbed his guitarist in the thigh with a pencil for striking the wrong chord.

Mat spoke to Stephen Adler too. Adler actually met Dick (haha, met Dick) in a Pascadena rehab center and brought him onto Sober House.

Mary Carey was interviewed as well. Both Adler and Carey’s sponsors hung out too!

“Bitch, f***, c***, whore.”

Eloquently put, Ms. Carey.

Pop Trash: Limp Bizkit reforming, Courtney Love and Mickey Rourke, Jay-Z enraged by news of Rihanna, Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman, Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams engaged, Pioneer done, and Twestival.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Today the guys reviewed Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat. Sammi had to drink PBR because she’s allergic to blueberries. If consumed, she would “Willy Wonka” it and turn into a giant blueberry. Boo hoo.

Join the 91X Morning Show tomorrow night at the High Dive for the inaugural edition of Friday Night Pints!

Brewmaster Paul Segura of Karl Strauss will be there to chat it up and debut his new brew the Saison.

It cost $8.99 per 6 pack. It was NOT on sale.

Mahoney even ventured out of Mission Valley all the way to College Area to buy it.

The color was a blond cloudy golden yellow with slight copper hues and a creamy bubbly head.

Mahoney commmented on the heavy white lacing creeping down his glass.

He smelled the beer and was immediately smacked in the nose with a giant blueberry.

Mat thought it smelled like Limited Too and Lisa Frank. And Fruity Pebbles

Mat made everybody picture him hobbling around, naked, with only boat shoes on drinking fruit-infused beer.

Mahoney suggested this as an ample Valentine’s Day brew for men who are trying to get their ladies to drink beer.

Carlos said it tastes like Aerosmith.

Sammi imagined it tastes like a trip to the hospital.

The blueberry flavor and carbonation dance on your tongue, and it is not as creamy as it looks.

Although he could enjoy it on a sunny afternoon, Mahoney said that this beer is primarily for non-beer drinkers.

Drink it with Lemon Chicken, yo.

Mahoney rated it a mediocre 3.15 of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 13TH GRADER?

Carlos is pretty, but is he smart?

Carlos, the 91X Morning Show’s resident 13th grader, and Haley, a Coldplay Superfan and Mesa student, went head to head in a battle of knowledge.

The questions:

Spell the word “Amateur.”

What state is Mount Rushmore in?

What is the Capital of Mexico?

What is the highest mountain in North America?

What is 13 x 12?

Name the current and the two previous Governors of California.

Who is commonly credited as being the first man to circumnavigate the Earth?

Who invented Peanut Butter?
What is the smallest state in the US by population?
Use this phrase in a sentence “Scott Free.”

Hayley went first, answering six of ten correctly.

Carlos answered four correctly. In his defense, he threw the game because she loved Coldplay so much.

Thus, she was awarded SECOND ROW tickets to see Coldplay!

****************Something happened to the blog after the show. Sorry the 9 a.m. hour is nonexistent.

 

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5:30 a.m.

Mat proudly announced that the 91X team is in first place in the VAVi bowling league!

(No thanks to him.)

Turns out that, while Sammi and Carlos kicked ass, Mat bowled like a turd.

In his defense, it was only his fifth time bowling. Ever.

Balls were thrown, beers were had, fun ensued.

Mat, buzzed, left East Village Tavern and Bowl last night with a mission: Carne Asada Fries.

Thus, this morning he is playing La Posta Rodeo.

Mahoney raved about the site of his most recent late night carne endeavor called Super Sergio’s.

Carlos refers to his most frequented carne distributor as “Filth.”

A caller claimed that the best Carne Asada Fries can be found south of the 805 on Imperial. Although he did not know the name of the establishment, he said it’s easy to get to. Just find the yellow barrel.

The discussion continued as a handful of callers attempted to assist Mahoney in his quest to locate the elusive barrel on a google map. But no one knew anything about it other than the fact that it’s a barrel with great Carne Asada Fries.

Carlos, offended by Mat’s mockery of North County, told Mat to go eat some more “No on Prop 8″ Mexican food.

Mat said he would love to have another big gay burrito in his mouth.

6 a.m.

Mat debuted a new segment entitled,

THE SAMMI AND PRESTON SHOW!

(The theme song is borrowed from the awesome old cartoon “Doug.”)

It came about when Mark L. Walberg (not the Mark Wahlberg you would immediately think of) called in and needed to be interviewed by someone. Carlos had booked him solely on the basis that he was the badass Mark Wahlberg, but never cancelled when he found out otherwise.

So, Mat made Sammi and Preston conduct the interview.

They didn’t know anything about the man, his career, or his general existence when they began. Nor did they know anything about him when they were finished.

Listen to the painfully awkward first installment on the podcast below!

And stay tuned as they conduct all of the B and C list interviews that nobody else wants to do from now on.

What’s on the Internet? http://askaurinal.com/

SPECIAL GUEST!

Zabrocki, surf reporter to the stars, came in to talk about ASR!

He said that he is really excited about this year’s festivities as the ASR powers that be are taking the party into the streets!

In other words, in the down economy everyone is spending less money on the convention and more on the parties downtown.

One party in particular is the Surfshop.com and Primo Beer party at Bareback Grill downtown. Zabrocki likes the grill as they offer a lot of eco-friendly food, the sponsors are huge supporters of the Surfrider Foundation, and all the new surf videos will be premiered there tomorrow night.

Even the bigger companies like Billabong are reeling in the showmanship a little bit. Zabrocki said that, rumor has it, the convention will be more business-oriented before everyone takes to the streets of downtown to party.

Zabrocki’s day job as an environmental planner and consultant has him very excited about the steps Obama is already taking to improve the condition of the environment.

He (and Obama) reminded everyone to get out and volunteer! Take part in the nation coming together to make a difference.

Need an opportunity to do so? The Surfrider Foundation is having an OB beach clean up this weekend!

Check out ASR info here!

7 a.m.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 13TH GRADER?

Carlos is pretty, but is he smart?

Carlos, the 91X Morning Show’s resident 13th grader, and Shannon, a 28-year-old Uriah Faber fan from PB and a Cuyamaca grad, went head to head in a battle of knowledge.

The questions:

What current city used to be known as Constantinople?

What was the exact date and year the “Declaration of Independence” was signed?

True or False Washington State was named after George Washington.

Name 3 of the 5 Great Lakes.

What is 63 + 47?

What is the state capital of Nevada?

How long did the “100 Years’ War Last”?

Who was the 44th President of the United States?

How many quarts are in a gallon?

On the Periodic Table What Element is ‘Fe’?

Shannon went first, answering four of ten correctly.

Carlos answered three correctly. As expected, he was a sore loser and yelled around about Carson being the same as Carson City.

Sammi pointed out that, no, you cannot just say half of a name. No one calls him Carl.

Thus, Shannon was awarded tickets to the WEC fight at San Diego Sports Arena this Sunday!

Pop Trash: Oscar nods, Jodie Sweetin snorts again, Michael Cera holds up Arrested Development movie, and Eva Mendes is the most desirable woman.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST!

Today Mahoney reviewed Karl Strauss’ Belgian Brown Ale.

Chris, a sales rep from the company, sat in on the review. Oh and he brought lots of beer.

Mahoney discovered (after extensive research) that Karl Strauss mada a special edition “Jeff & Jer” beer.

Mat called him out since everybody knows they don’t even drink beer. They drink the blood of their interns to stay young and verile.

Mahoney poured the ale from a large brown growler into a pint glass. He suggested it be served in a goblet, and Mat and Carlos proceeded to make fun of his medieval-loving, nerdy tendencies.

Mahoney paid NOTHING for the beer as it was brought in by Chris. He was happy about that.

The color was that of fine leatherbound books and leather furnitur. The kind of rich antiques that are only found in the castle of Jeff and Jer.

Mahoney said that Carlos gives more than ample head.

Sammi said the brew smelled of waffles.

Mat said it smelled of anis. Mahoney asked if that is near the taint.

“No, it’s near the nutmeg.”

The Brown Belgian Ale is made of all natural hops, barley, yeast… and waffles.

Mahoney got a full nose of toasted malts.

He then tasted the beer from his mustache.

Mahoney said that, yes, if a beer can still be good after spending 5 minutes in his mustache, it’s a great beer.

“Ah yes, the 5 minute mustache rule.”

The high point of Mahoney’s year was the Karl Strauss Beach to Brewery Festival. It is all he talks about. Still.

He ate pepperoni and beer for breakfast.

Mahoney rated it a McRib-worthy 4.45 of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.

MAT DIABLO’S CRUCIAL LISTS

Top 5 Most Awesome Things in Sammi’s House

5. All the paintings of naked women

4. Ninja Turtles Couch

3. The bar

2. Mckenzie

1. Framed poster of Michael Jordan in his signature “Air Jordan” dunking pose in front of an epic lightning bolt

9 a.m.

Richard Greico snubbed the 91X Morning Show.

So Mat just talked about him, figuring it would be just as good, if not better, than an actual interview.

Richard Greico film? or Gay Porn?

It Was Me or Him… Greico!

Sinbad: The Battle of the Dark Knights… Greico!

Sexual Predator… Greico!

Dead Easy… Greico!

Mutual Needs… Greico!

Rebel Run… Greico!

Against the Law… Greico!

Nice.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY?

Everyone learned that Mahoney likes hanging out at truck stops.

Carlos thanked himself for booking flaky guests.

Preston thanked his mom.

Sammi thanked McKenzie.

Mahoney thanked Vaquero’s.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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5:30 a.m.

Carlos took a personal stand for Nickelback.

He said that, head to head, he would kill himself less slowly to Nickelback if he had to listen to them or Morrissey on loop.

OPENING REMARKS

A monster truck rally is no excuse to blow off your mother’s 50 birthday (which is exactly what Mahoney is doing this weekend).

Carlos tried to make Mahoney feel bad about this even though he is the one selling all of his mother’s furniture behind her back.

6 a.m.

DRUNK DIAL LINE!

Included:

Carlos’ Conflict Resolution Program; Douchebag Morning Show Guy makes fun of Mat Diablo and his douchebag tattoo; Sammi’s best friend makes Preston regret his existence; thank God we reach the IE; leave Mat alone even though he is an aging hipster; how to be an intern on the show; and the only thing to do with a million dollars is two chicks at one time.

What’s on the Internet?

http://dogswithcones.com/

and

http://urdb.org/

Carlos will attempt to break one of these records later in the show. Stay tuned…

Monster Truck? Or Super Villain?

Quakemaster… Super Villain!

Rainbow Raider… Super Villain!

Rammunition… Monster Truck!

Major Diasaster… Super Villain!

El Torro Loco… Monster Truck!

Gary could correctly differentiate between the two and won tickets to MONSTER JAM this weekend at the Q!

7 a.m.

Carlos broke the world record for most pictures of fish sandwiches viewed in one minute.

Mahoney held and flipped a stack of stills of various fish sandwiches while Carlos yelled the word “FISH” every time he saw one. The old record, 25, was surpassed and more than doubled at 62 by THE Carlos Montoya.

Break your own records at http://urdb.org/!

And keep an eye out for footage of Carlos’ marvelous feat on the VIDEO page of the 91X Morning Show website.

Pop Trash: Man sold daughter for meat and beer, Cherry Jones has gall bladder surgery, Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith to remake ‘Karate Kid’, Patrick Swayze doing well in hospital, dog nearly killed by Wiimote, and Backstreet Boy Howie to be a dad.

8 a.m.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 13TH GRADER?

Carlos is pretty, but is he smart?

Carlos, the 91X Morning Show’s resident 13th grader, and Fernie, a 30-year-old high school grad, went head to head in a battle of knowledge.

The questions:

How many states made up the U.S. when it was first settled?

What was George Washington’s wife’s name?

What is 34 plus 73?

Who invented the lightbulb?

What is the state capital of Illinois?

What landmark did the Mayflower land on?

Which branch of government does the president belong to?

Who’s on the dime?

What is 56 divided by 8?

What was the first capital of the U.S.?

Fernie went first, kicking off the game with a phrase everyone was pleased to learn: “Let’s Dunk This Monkey.”

He answered four of ten correctly.

Carlos answered four as well, but after careful inspection Mahoney revealed that Carlos had CHEATED!

So not only did he only tie with the contestant, but it was illegitimate.

For shame, Carlos.

Thus, Fernie was awarded tickets to the WEC fight at San Diego Sports Arena on January 25!

MORE DRUNK DIAL LINE!

Added:

A Braylon-Edwards-esque impression of Mat’s Mountain High promo.

9 a.m.

Jeff Cannata from the Totally Rad Show called in from his iPhone to talk about their 2008 recap and what’s next in the world of movies, video games, and TV.

The TRS guys didn’t attend the entirety of the Consumer Electronic Show because they were busy filming their Totally Live Show: the absolute best of 2008.

The prestigious “Best Movie” award was presented to “The Wrestler.”

The best video game? Left For Dead.

The highlight of what the guys did take away from CES was six minutes of 3-D Star Wars presented by Sony.

Jeff also made his bold prediction that OLED will make LCD and Plasma obsolute in the near future.

He is anxiously awaiting the arrival of the LG Watch/Phone to the United States, although he has not heard even the slightest news of plans to do so.

He gushed about how amazing Netflix is while his phone reception creeped in and out of audible levels.

Finally, Jeff spread the word (and his excitement) about a new Star Wars Force Trainer toy to be released for $100 or so in the near future.

Apparently it harnessess your brainpower to move things or choke poeple with your mind!

Check out Jeff and his fellow lovers of geek culture at TotallyRadShow.com

More Pop Trash: McRibs are back and Prison Break is canceled.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY?

The most valuable lesson from today: How to properly dunk a monkey.

Carlos thanked the world.

Preston thanked Carlos for making Miss South Carolina look like Stephen Hawking.

Sammi thanked Roosevelt for inventing the lightbulb.

Mahoney thankedNickelback for being superior only to Morrissey.

Mat thanked the rest of the show for making him feel like a failure.

-SS

 

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