91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

For our very first WORLD RECORD WEDNESDAY, Carlos broke this record:

See for yourself!

Mahoney getting down at the MONSTERS OF BUTT ROCK show, sponsored by BUTT ROCK 105!

Featuring POWERMAN 5000, STATIC-X, PUDDLE OF MUDD, FORIEGNER, AND BANG TANGO!

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5:30 a.m.

After teasing Carlos for his one-liner in the Grossmont College spot (”Grossmont is my college!”), Mat Diablo admitted that his Alma mater was far less impressive than a junior college. He called UNLV “a day care for overpriveledged kiddies burning through their parents money and strippers with babies.”

Mahoney forgot the beer for Beer for Breakfast. Thus, the segment will be replaced with a timeline-format journey through the life of Morrissey as presented by Mat Diablo.

Mat, renown regionalist*, reported that the state of Arizona committed suicide after Mahoney said he’d rather spend the entirety of his life in the Midwest than even fly over the dreary desert of our Eastern neighbor.

*A regionalist is essentially a racist, but the discrimination is seeded in what area of the United States someone was born, or grew up in, rather than skin color. Mat stereotypes people, usually from the Midwest, by lumping them all into unfitting, inaccurate portrayals of some askew version of the region that has no basis whatsoever–that is, other than his ignorance and undeserved hatred toward the region.

6 a.m.

Mahoney’s diet consists of foods you’d think could only be found at a carnival, or the bottom of a deep fryer.

Devotees will remember his attempt and completion of consuming 11,000 calories in seven or so hours.

So: he was dismayed when Mat told him about all of the press coverage and acclaim that Chip Franklin, the morning guy at KOGO talk radio, received for attempting (and failing) a 4,000 calorie challenge.

At first he thought Franklin must have ripped him off, but then everyone decided it was about as likely for him to have been listening to the 91X Morning Show as it would be for them to listen to him. (Never.)

Carlos wanted to call and challenge him to something. Then he realized that the two show’s buildings are attached, and he would probably just come over and yell at us.

So Mahoney challenged him to this: they will simply wait and see who dies first.

What’s on the Internet? http://greensingles.com/

MAN DATE (Mandate) VII: The Quickening or…

 More Suits and Cigars!

Join the guys at the Turf Club at the Del Mar Racetrack (again) tomorrow for another classy night with the 91X Morning Show! 

Not only will food and cigars be provided for your eating and smoking pleasure, but 91X wants to give you cash, use of an on-hand handicapper to make sure you win big, and valet parking so you can arrive in style!

A truly high-class affair, proper attire (suits and dresses) must be worn. Also, the copious amounts of alcohol that will be consumed require that all attendees be at least 21.

7 a.m.

Inspired by Mahoney’s tolerate-anything-for-a-hot-girl attitude, Mat wanted to find out what one little thing a girl, no matter her hotness level, would have to do to push him past his threshhold in a segment entitled:

Dealbreakers.

For Mahoney, arm hair is a dealbreaker. It weirds him out to no end if a girl’s arms are hairier than the Mahanimal himself.

Mat has broken up with a girl because she had this one barely noticable, yet creepy, baby tooth. Another ex could not, not dress like a stripper. Also, he can never handle the pressure of being someone’s first. (He had many more dealbreakers; he’d break up with people for a lot less than they do on Seinfeld.)

Carlos’ dealbreaker is when a girl’s favorite color is pink, or her phone or shirt is bedazzled.

Callers’ dealbreakers included Yankee fans, psychologists, and bad feet.

Pop Trash: Sean Penn is backing Nader, Matt Damon welcomes baby, Affleck knocked up Garner again, Jessica Simpson endorses beer, and Verne Troyer to star in reality TV show.

***It must be noted that Mahoney defended Spencer Pratt during pop trash. Shame.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST!

Today Mahoney vigorously drank Bear Republic Racer 5 IPA in order to provide you, the listener, with a thorough experience of beer for breakfast.

Racer 5 is an American Indian Pale Ale. Mat asked if that meant it was Native American. Mahoney just solemnly shook his head.

Mahoney is a self-proclaimed hophead. Its bold taste made him feel like

he had just been slapped in the face for making an inaproppriate comment to a woman about her ass.

Mat, however, said it tasted like bong water.

Mahoney smiled and admired the bottle filled with sweet liquid the color of sunshine.

Mat compared its scent to kimchi (a Korean dish of fermented cabbage.) Or the trays of sushi available for purchase at grocery stores and gas stations.

Racer 5 placed 5th in the IPA category in the last World Beer Cup.

Mahoney rated it a 4.3 of 5 on Mahoney’s Scale of Beer Supremacy.

Mat brought his guitar and Mahoney wrote a song to call Christy Taylor and sing her a birthday melody, but she would not answer her phone. So, Carlos began furiously calling her and leaving messages saying, “HELP!” and, “THERE’S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!”

She was not pleased. And subsequently refused to come on air.

9 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Tony Hawk called from a bus in the middle of a mountainous road in the Pacific Northwest to talk about this year’s Boom Boom Huck Jam, stopping in San Diego this Saturday.

Joining him on the excursion is his seven-week-old daughter. Mat asked what she’s into: breast-feeding and looking out the window. (Not so different than Mahoney.)

Mat asked Tony for his reaction to Andy MacDonald beating his record for number of skateboarding medals. Tony, true to form as a humble guy, said that he is really proud of him. He never regrets getting out of the game; and is glad to see the plethora of talent, both new and old, pushing the sport further than anyone thought possible.

Mat and Mahoney finally got a hold of (read: woke up) Christy Taylor, and sang her the song they haphazardly scraped together as a gift.

It was an interesting mix of hitting on her, sexual harrassment, and Mahoney’s phone number.

Mat also apologized for thinking she was from the Jersey Shore, and for telling her she looked hung over when she was completely sober.

Happy birthday, Christy!

-SS

This is by far the best and most useful website that we have ever featured on What’s on teh Internets.

Slydial.com

from CNN:

Slydial lets you connect directly with another person’s cell phone voice mail, bypassing the traditional ringing process that often results, sometimes disastrously, with someone picking up on the other end.

Users call (267) SLY-DIAL from either a cell phone or a landline and are prompted to enter another person’s cell phone number.

After playing a short advertisement — unless users pay a subscription fee or 15 cents per call to skip ads — Slydial puts callers directly into their target’s voice mail.

Recipients should then get a voice mail notification, and sometimes they will see a caller’s number show up as a missed call, too.

I am already hooked.