Peace Out Sex Yeti
5:30 a.m.
Mat announced that the Japanese government is attempting to shut down the vending machines that sell the used panties of school girls.
It was a particularly difficult story for Mat to report on as he hates the word “panties.”
As the seeds of free alcohol were planted and sowed at the company Christmas party last night, Mahoney and Carlos reaped a bountiful harvest of succulent blackmail.
6 a.m.
The conversation returned to the Christmas party. There was dancing. There was singing. Jagger from Magic 92.5 had a particularly loud vest. Preston was in rare form.
But Mat noticed something odd.
Mahoney rolled up with no one but Carlos and a coffee table in his car. So where was the Sex Yeti?
Apparently two nights ago the unthinkable happened. They broke up. Well, they were never really going out… but whatever it was ended.
Mahoney was upset. He handled his grief by watching the Ultimate Fighter, blasting Otown, eating Jack in the Box eggrolls, and intermittently crying and masturbating.
After the tears had dried up and enough eggrolls were firmly planted in his stomach, Mahoney had an epiphany: all the money he had been saving up to spend on an extravagant Christmas present could be spent on other, better things.
Obviously Mat was curious as to the amount of money in this fund.
Mahoney was planning to spend $1200 on something from Tiffany’s for a 20-year-old girl he had been somewhat dating for four months.
“All i have is inappropriately expensive gifts and my hairy, paunchy body.”
Goodbye Sex Yeti, we barely knew ye.
Mat asked Kenyatta, our resident expert on all things, if Kiefer Sutherland is gay (as was alleged yesterday).
He said no. And so the rumor has been put to rest.
What’s on the Internet? http://hoodthong.com/
7 a.m.
HOW’S YOUR MUTHA!
Everybody’s favorite (and most uncomfortable) game on the 91X Morning Show made its triumphant return this morning.
On the line: tickets to the Chargers game TONIGHT against the Raiders.
Laurie had to ask her Moroccan mother, Stella, when the last time she was intimate with her boyfriend Danny.
Laurie guessed two weeks ago. When Stella answered correctly very quickly, Mat and Mahoney became suspicious.
Instead of calling shenanigans and depriving Laurie’s 17-year-old daughter of her first football game, Mat made Laurie ask Stella how it was.
“Oh, it was very good baby!”
Another touching family moment brought to you by the 91X Morning Show.
The guys love to reward the brand of awkward courage it takes to interrogate one’s mother about her sex life, so tune in until the next edition of…
HOW’S YOUR MUTHA!
Pop Trash: Ryan Bader made it into the finals (yay!), YouTube to crack down on sexy content, Prop 8 musical, and Kelly Ripa is still with hubby.
8 a.m.
Today Mahoney reviewed Santa’s Private Reserve from Rogue Ales.
Mat complained about seasonal beer because he wants it year round. Mahoney offered to teach him how to cellar it, but Mat snubbed him. There is no room in his cellar because it is packed with wine and caviar. And his manservant sleeps on an area rug in there.
The beer was $13.99 per 6-pack. It was not on sale. Mahoney spent a grand total of $31.26 on all the beer for today.
Mat, Carlos, and Sammi all waited patiently for Mahoney to say the phrase that pays. It was the one sentence description on the bottle, “Reddish-copper in color with a roasty malt flavor and a hoppy, sprucey finish.”
At first he described the color as an amber hue.
They moved on to smell
While Carlos smelled a Christmas fire, Mat was assaulted in the face by a bunch of yeast. He said it smelled like the sweatshirt Carlos was wearing that he admitted to never washing in the 3-year tenure of ownership.
Mahoney said the soothing taste goes well with Otown.
Mahoney went on to drown his Yeti-loss sorrow in the brew, noting all the similar aspects of it that he seeks in a prospective mate.
Some examples: sweet, full-bodied, not too heavy, not too light, and a good mouth feel.
“Like the last bowl of porridge.”
Mahoney also noted that he felt like he was running naked through a wintery pine forest before he rated it a 4.3665 of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.
Mat said that there was no one more haggard than Preston when he walked in this morning.
Mahoney said Preston was in good spirits last night at the Christmas party, Preston said that good spirits were in him.
He looked like Nick Nolte’s mugshot.
And from the party, he smuggled an entire tray of sandwiches.
The conversation returned to Jagger’s vest once again. This time Mat said he noticed the vest leave 15 minutes after Jagger did. It hopped in a cab and took off to Deja Vu.
SPECIAL GUEST!
Ryan Bader of the Ultimate Fighter called in to discuss his epic win last night.
He described Juni’s most recent shenanigans in the house; this time the guys gathered to decide if they wanted to vote him off the show.
But Dana White said, “This ain’t survivor. Don’t vote him off, beat him off… that didn’t sound right.”
Mat commented that the hardest jobs in television has to be those of the censors on that show.
Mahoney told Bader that after last night’s fight against Marshall, there is no doubt in his mind that he will be the ultimate fighter.
Mat asked Bader if he felt like he just made out with a girl.
He also asked Mahoney if his jaw was sore.
Bader also spoke on the Efrain fight, and couldn’t contain his excitement for the LIVE finale on December 13!
Preston thanked the bushes out front for catching his puke.
Sammi thanked Santa for his private reserve.
Mat thanked the Sex Yeti for four months of great radio, and Jagger’s vest for making it rain at the Hustler Club last night.
-SS
