6 a.m.

Mat scoured the ‘net for the very best Criagslist ads.

There he found a request for a small crocheted robot, bikini car wash employees, and a plea to roaches to stop shitting in the fridge.

Then Mat checked in with fmylife.com to make Sammi feel better about blowing it this morning.

(She was 40 minutes late after trying to get her keys out of her locked car until 3:30 this morning.)

What’s on the Internet?

http://www.nin.com/strobelight/

and

http://iparklikeanidiot.com/

and

http://twitter.com/thatsournewband

SPECIAL GUESTS!

The Jens from the Padres came in to talk about Opening Day!

Mat called them out for their new “Sonoran Dog.”

 ”No. No, Jen. That’s a Tijuana street dog. Don’t make it sound fancy!”

It was Jen G.’s birthday and she brought US presents. What a sweetheart.

Sammi offered her the day-old Mexican pastries that they left out overnight, but she politely declined.

She will be coming to OUR birthday tomorrow with the Pad Squad, by the way. Just throwing that out there.

Everyone that attends Opening Day will receive a hat with the 40th Anniversary logo. Snazzy.

The Jens also reminded everyone that they instituted Friday Friarworks!

Saturday, get an Adrian Gonzalez long sleeve tee.

And Sunday, Padres pillowcases!

Sunday is also Fan Day, when you can watch the guys work out. Mmm. Get some.

The 91X Morning Show will be giving away AM/PM All You Can Eat Seats for Opening Day at our live birthday broadcast tomorrow morning!

THE 91X MORNING SHOW 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

Join us TOMORROW MORNING at the 7 10 Beach Club in PB for a FREE party honoring our first year on the air!

Can you believe it!?

Performances by Asher Roth and Iglu & Hartley will provide the soundtrack for a day of drunken celebration.

 Celebrity Guests Confirmed Thus Far: Sam the Cooking Guy, Ahmed Ahmed, The Pad Squad, Abby from a galaxy far far away, and many more!

 7 a.m.

ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

City Council Member Todd Gloria came in to inject the 91X Morning Show with a dose of political awareness.

Mat and Gloria had met before. Mat was almost the first naked person to answer the door while Gloria was (literally) hitting the campaign trails going door to door.

Gloria admitted that it’s not an accident all his favorite restaurants are in his district.

Mat humbly asked if Gloria would be the show’s official political correspondent. He enthusiastically accepted.

The 30-year-old accomplished councilman in a snazzy suit made the 29-year-old nose ring-wearing radio host with a beer gut feel a bit inadequate.

Mat asked Gloria some hard-hitting questions:

Q: Are we broke as hell?

Gloria explained the serious budget challenges that the city faces. He invited Mat up to Viejas this afternoon to try to remedy that.

Q: If the $43 million deficit led to a proposal to close down numerous libraries and rec centers around San Diego, then what should we expect from a $60 million deficit?

A: Additional closures, rolling brown outs, layoffs. All bad news.

Q: Are we out of water?

A: This is much more problematic than the budget situation as people can get by without a rec center, but not without water.

San Diego is in a prolonged drought and Gloria is currently trying to figure out a way to institute restrictions on water use.

Mat made a note to remind Mayor Sanders to stop watering his driveway.

Gloria praised Sanders for observing the “yellow mellow, brown down” policy.

Mat praised Carlos for recycling his bong water. He’s also been drinking more beer and showering once a week with 4 people to preserve water. Kudos, lil’ buddy!

Pop Trash: Kid Rock, Vince Neil, and Steven Seagal all honorary sheriffs; Heidi Montag claimed she was pregnant; Dane Cook and Twilight hoax; and movies that should be in 3-d.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Amy Granite, a freelance writer and booze enthusiast, came in as this week’s beer ambassador.

Granite is a self-proclaimed “Triple Whore,” or a big fan of Belgian Triples.

BUT she brought in Ballast Point’s Victory at Sea Coffee Vanilla Imperial Porter, almost the opposite of what she usually drinks.

Victory is a limited release brew that can be extremely hard to find!

Granite would not reveal her sources, but DID say that Friday night Hamilton’s is tapping their last Victory keg.

Ballast Point teamed up with Caffe Calabria, a North Park roasting house, to blend beer and coffee in one magical bomber.

Victory usually goes for $18 at Torrenado, and $13 at Hamilton’s. That’s how fancy it is.

Granite explained that, in addition to the coffee and vanilla flavors, the roasted malts taste like cereal. Thus, the perfect breakfast beer.

Mat thought it tasted like the first time he got to 2nd base. It was with a young girl named Samantha who wore a lot of “If you like Clinique Happy…”. She tasted like perfume, but he was touching boob.

The beer was a little bitter but did indeed taste like victory.

Fun fact: Martha Stewart’s favorite chocolate is in the beer!

Mat noticed that after a sip of Victory, Sammi transformed from a dead Janis Joplin into a young Joan Jett.

It reminded Sammi of The Onion. It’s kind of grown up because you’re reading a newspaper, but it’s completely satirical. Just like it’s grown up because you’re drinking coffee, but it’s still a beer.

Granite’s parting words: “San Diego, good morning! Go get your beer.”

Email beer@91x.com if you want to come in!

And gear up for our Home Brew Challenge.

Joe Rogan blew us off. He’s probably at breakfast with Richard Greico and Carson Daly just laughin’ it up.

9 a.m.

COLLECT CALL RODEO

The 91X Morning Show plucked collect calling out of obscuity and reappropriated it as their very own prize line!

The game:

Call us collect.

Use the three seconds given to state your name to shout something hilarrrrrrious.

If you’re our favorite and you’re funny, we’ll accept the call and you win!

If not, you helped feed Carrot Top.

Here’s what was yelled:

I got an insider tip on (cut off)

BAM! Amurrica.

America! Fuck yeah! (DON’T SWEAR!)

Naked chicks and lotsa weed…

I’m drinking Slim Fast.

(inaudible gibberish about Mary Poppins and Cotijas?)

Go Padres.

Hey Carlos, take my call you panhandler.

Chicks with dicks.

Joe Rogan.

Want some of my love juice?

Believe it or not my kid looks up to you.

Had a baby, it’s a boy.

Carson Daly.

Mat gave up and gave the 311 tickets to the guy that said, ”Hollaback, marijuana.”

So regress to 1998, and dial down the middle. That’s why they call it a pay phone, it pays to call! Hi ho.

By the way this game came about because Abby, Carlos’ grandmother, called his mom collect to pick her up from Costco.

YET ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Joe Rogan called in from Nashville and redeemed himself.

He’ll be here on Saturday playing the House of Blues!

Mat asked Rogan what he thinks of Ryan Bader.

Rogan said he saw even more of Bader’s raw talent in his unanimous decicion victory over Carmelo Marrero last night.

They also chatted about Dan Henderson, who will be joining the 91X Morning Show periodically throughout the next season of the Ultimate Fighter to talk about Team America. Rogan said he is one of the toughest dudes on the planet, hands down. Like someone in an old Western movie.

Once at a show Rogan told a crazy drunk heckler that Dan Henderson was going to fuck his wife while he holds the guy down.

Henderson said, “Why would I hold him down when I can stare him down.”

Rogan now has a little baby girl that taught made him much more aware of how deeply you can love someone.

Then he went on one of his famous diatribes about psyhedelics.

Keep an eye out for Rogan’s hour-long comedy special on Spike in June!

Carlos thanked the French-speaking Nazi.

Preston thanked Cory Feldman for drinking Slim Fast.

Sammi thanked her mom for calling her at 5:49 a.m. and asking why she’s not at work.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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 Joe Rogan: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

5:30 a.m.

Mat said Sammi smelled like a distillery. She only got an hour of sleep.

Mat predicted either Sammi would be hilarious today, or you wouldn’t hear a peep out of her.

Mat only got four hours of rest. Asleep, burrito in belly, he dreamt the greatest song in the world.

Unfortunately he forgot everything except the lyric, “This is our band.”

Mat saw Sam the Cooking Guy out and about last night dressed head to toe in Fubu with frosted tips and Oakley’s.

He was jealous of all the attention Sam was getting, and pouted when Sam failed to notice that they were standing right next to one another for 45 minutes before Sam the Cooking God said hello.

We love him.

Sammi mumbled about Drumline and manatees before announcing she has to go to the DMV today.

 6 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Bo Burnham, the 18-year-old comical musician or musical comedian, called in to talk about his special on Comedy Central tomorrow night.

Mat asked if the offensive nature of his humor is acceptable due to his delivery or to his boyish good looks.

He attributed it to his boyish good looks because then people can just say, “Oh, he’s a kid, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Mat asked what it was like to be one of the most subscribed to people on YouTube.

Burnham replied existentially, “What does subscribed even mean?”

He dismissed the honor as somewhat meaningless as all his subscribers aren’t necessarily people. They could be cyborgs or just one guy with a bunch of accounts.

Burnham said it’s easy to become a YouTube sensation. It just takes a lot of luck and a complete lack of dignity.

Watch his Comedy Central special tomorrow at 11 p.m. if you like word play and a dude who’s just “a little bit goofy.”

And keep an eye out for the musical he is writing with Judd Apatow.

Mat played one of his songs for everyone called “Love Is.”

What’s on the Internet?

Post a question for President Obama here.

and

http://100waystokillapeep.blogspot.com/

7 a.m.

 ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Jim Gaffigan called in to talk about his upcoming Comedy Central Special and, of course, Hot Pockets.

Gaffigan promised it will be as controversial as ever as he tackles hard-hitting issues and taboo topics like bacon, ketchup, and bowling.

He said he’s so offensive that half the crowd typically walks out of the room as soon as he enters.

Mat told him that he needs to always rock a beard to which he replied, “Girl, I hear you.”

His brief history lesson taught us that Vikings went to Ireland and partied it up, leaving him with pale skin and blondish red hair.

Sammi asked him about a MySpace message she received from him when she first created an account way back in high school.

He personally wrote a note and sent her a friend request because she had “manatees” listed under her Interests. At the time he said he was simply seeking out anyone who shared his Interest in manatees.

Gaffigan says that technology is moving way too rapidly for him. For example, he only uses his Twitter to tell people that he loves diarrhea.

Check out his special “King Baby” Sunday at 9 p.m. on Comedy Central!

Pop Trash: The Shins tour, ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ trailer (!!!!!!!), Sean Penn and Nat Portman, Three Stooges movie, and a man calls 911 after his estranged wife handcuffs herself to him.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Finally, a boisterous crew in to enjoy some brew!

Mark, Brandon and Nate from Oceanside Ale Works came in to share their beer and laughs with us.

The brewer, GM, and lead brewer, respectively, presented Mat with a 91X tap handle made of wood from the original Oceanside pier.

It was to make up for Brandon’s P1 Army tattoo.

Two of the brewers are school teachers. Brandon is one of Mark’s ex-students.

The guys got into the brewing biz almost accidentally.

“It was a hobby that spun way out of control.”

They said life’s easy when you’re doing what you love and get to drink on the job. (Sounds familiar.)

The gang reviewed Oceanside Ale Works’ American Strong Ale. The 9.2% beer was originally a mistake.

Mark said if we drank it right when its done fermenting without letting it age, it would taste like jet fuel.

But we didn’t, so it didn’t.

They planned on making it a seasonal ale, but locals began sitting at the door shaking their pint glasses chanting, “I need the strong ale!”

Carlos compared it to the pot o’ gold at the end of a drunken rainbow.

Mat compared it to a tranny… and it made sense.

She’s smooth and sultry and then BAM! There’s an Adam’s apple.

Sammi said it tasted like the California Dream. It had the savory flavor of everything she imagined about and moved out here for.

Find Oceanside Ale Works all around the tri-city area from Four Seasons to P’s and Q’s.

Keep an eye out for their upcoming Cactus Cream Ale!

And visit the tasting hours on Fridays and Saturdays for $4.

Email beer@91x.com if you want to come in!

And gear up for our Home Brew Challenge.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 13TH GRADER?

Carlos is pretty, but is he smart?

Carlos, the 91X Morning Show’s resident 13th grader, and Javier, a Mexican Cal grad who wanted to take on the Colombian Dark Lord in a battle of the Latin races, went head to head in a battle of knowledge.

Mat’s wife put the game together for today so it was super-hard because she’s super-smart.

The questions:

Name the primary colors.
What’s the denominator in 1/5?
What’s the formula to find the area of a circle?
In Greek (not Roman) mythology, who is the god of the Sea?
A triangle that has three unequal sides is what kind of triangle?
What year did Neil Armstrong land on the moon?
Who wrote “Catcher in the Rye?”
Name the capital of Washington.
How long did the war of 1812 last?
Who painted the Mona Lisa?

Javier went first, answering only 2 correctly.

Sammi was, again, the only one who believed that Carlos would break his losing streak today.

AND HE DID!

He was on fire.

Mat snuck Javier the tickets to Offspring and Alkaline Trio while Carlos was gloating.

9 a.m.

 YET ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Scott from Stay Classy returned for a Yelp-like segment to get people involved with important causes.

Get Your Karma On?

Today: Wild & Scenic Environmental Film Festival @ Gaslamp 15.

Free beer and wine!

March 27: Pre-party for Elemental Experience @ Stingaree.

April 2: Engineers Without Borders Wine to Water Fundraiser @ Airport Lounge.

The more wine you drink, the more water you provide for those in need!

And don’t forget to get your tickets to Elemental Experience!

More Pop Trash: Blink 182 at a recent photoshoot, and Blender mag closes.

Carlos thanked himself.

Preston thanked OAW and The Farside.

Sammi thanked Jim Gaffigan for sharing her love of manatees.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

5:30 a.m.

Mat described the dreaded Fog Hobo for 20 minutes over eerie music. His menacing laugh plagued the airwaves and .

He warned that the Fog Hobo has no remorse, especially for incautious drivers.

James Earl Jones recited the alphabet.

6 a.m.

Mat was raised on a strict diet of granola, non-sugar cereal, and PBS; therefore he missed out on a lot of the classic movies he should have seen millions of times as a kid.

He described some of the films that he has still never seen, and had a contestant guess what the hell he was trying to describe.

John knew enough about these classics to make sense of Mat’s ramblings (The Goonies, Dirty Dancing, and War Games), and thus won tickets to Jane’s Addiction and NIN.

What’s on the Internet?

Milwaukee Bucks’ locker room becomes a “No Twitter” zone.

And, http://ciscofatty.com/.

7 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

John Hamburg, director of the new flick “I Love You, Man” called in to talk about it before we venture out on the I Love You Mandate tonight for the premiere!

Hamburg was also the writer and director of a little movie called “Along Came Polly” during which he introduced the term “sharted” to the world.

He worries that will be his legacy.

“I Love You, Man” has been praised for it’s brand of “inside joke” humor as it just sounds like the kind of jokes you make constantly within your group of friends. 

Weird nicknames, for instance, are a fundamental basis of bromance. Paul Rudd’s character repeatedly attempts to give Jason Segel a nickname, but consistently fails miserably.

Also in the film: a masturbation station. Apparently this was inspired by a real life encounter. He was scouting a location for “Along Came Polly” when he stumbled upon this chair in the corner of the house placed conveniently in front of a giant TV with nothing around but a bottle of lotion.

Hamburg told Mat that the scene in “I Love You, Man” in which Segel gives a toast at an engagement party is his favorite scene he’s ever written.

Still not convinced? John Favro has a Jew fro.

If you want to come see it FO FREE tonight then head on down to The Field on 5th for some drinks with us starting at 5. Then we’ll head a block over to Gaslamp 15 to watch it. We have the entire theater to ourselves.

Pop Trash: Bob Barker porn, Kenley Collins attacked fiance with cat, Alexis Grace booted off American Idol, Kanye West could go to jail, and Natasha Richardson died.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Lauren from Lagunitas Brewing came in to share their new brew: Hop Stoopid.

Mat mentioned that Lauren has paid a visit before when she dropped off a batch of their Cuppochino Stout a few months ago.

Mat called it, “Sparks, but classy as hell.”

Lauren suggested we take some of the leftover bottles and make Cuppochino Stout milkshakes and floats.

Hop Stoopid is new to SD. Lauren brought 22 oz. bottles of the west-coast style IPA.

Mat pointed out that, damn, this chick knows about beer. And that’s hot.

FYI: Mat learned that IBU stood for International Bittering Unit.

Lauren told everyone not to be shy when asking for beer samples at a bar. No one knew that was even a possibility.

Mat is afraid to even order beer at a bar because he is only semi-literate. He hates when snobby bartenders with curly mustaches look down upon him. So he drinks Long Island Ice Teas.

Want to try today’s brew? It’s the Lagunitas with a green label and a richety old barn.

Carlos said it was like licking a pinecone.

It smelled like a head shop and maked your tongue feel like it has a flannel shirt on.

Join Lagunitas at El Dorado Cocktail Lounge on Monday the 23rd in support of the San Diego Food Bank. For each canned food item you bring, you get one ticket for a $1 Lagunitas beer. (Get up to four!)

Want to join Beer for Breakfast next week? Email beer@91x.com with your beer experiences and why YOU should host the segment!

Bill O’Reilly wrote a fictional novel entitled, “Those Who Trespass.”

It follows a scorned journalist whose nemeses include a ”powerful bitch” named Hilary and a “fatty” named Martin Moore.

He also narrated his own audiobook which provided some excellent audio from the sex scenes in the book. They generated some yearnings within lil’ Sammi and the two had a conversation not suitable for young audiences.

9 a.m.

ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Dr. Drew called in (for a few minutes) to talk about his new book. 

It chronicles the narcissism he found inherent in many celebrities through a series of questionnaires of the various guests he’s had on Loveline over the years.

Drew explained that narcissism is not egotism. Instead it is a more primitive emotion that evokes emptiness and shame, a need to keep others around them, and deep-seeded envy.

 Not all narcissism is bad, he explained, but can often be a source of creative energy and inspiration.

Drew shared that Frankie Muniz is not a narcissit while Corolla and Robin Quivers are! 

More Pop Trash: Chris Brown and Rihanna are dunzo, volcano, Britney restraining order, and “Two and a Half Men” renewed.

Sammi and Mat broke out into a rendition of Mr. Big’s “To Be With You.”

It got weird. And awesome.

Lessons learned: Sammi can rock the Mike when it comes to Mr. Big, Mat has been playing too much “Battle of the Sexes – The Board Game” because there are no other places on earth you would hear the words “bodice ripper” or “strumpet,” and Carlos’ dad has a cock on his Twitter profile.

Carlos thanked Mat for making him afraid of fog.

Preston thanked Carlos for comparing Chrissy Russo to a balcony.

Sammi thanked Bill O’Reilly for spicing up her morning.

Mat thanked Sammi for her sexy responses to Billy O.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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5:30 a.m.

Mat reported on a Maryland woman who was injured in a sex toy accident.

(Sammi said she always forgets about Maryland.)

A man apparently placed a sex toy over a saber saw blade to use on his girlfriend. The saw cut through the blade, among other things.

Carlos made the report extra-awkward by playing random, jaunty tunes any time there was the slightest pause.

 6 a.m.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 13TH GRADER?

Carlos is pretty, but is he smart?

Carlos, the 91X Morning Show’s resident 13th grader, and Rob, an Imperial Beach native who is unfamiliar with Tabernacle, went head to head in a battle of knowledge.

Preston put the game together for today, including 12 questions (instead of the usual 10) for some reason.

Since no one noticed for quite some time, it proved that Preston is not smarter than himself. And everyone is smarter than the 91x Morning Show.

The questions:

What is Michaelangelo’s most famous sculpture named?

What language is spoken by the most people in the world as their primary language?

Spell “Colombia.”

How many ounces of weed are in two pounds?

If you’re an hour and 52 minutes late to work, how many minutes late are you?

Locate the ARTICLE in this sentence:  “I live in the basement of my mom’s house.”

What is the capital of Texas?

Who is the oldest President elected into office?

Sodium chloride is also commonly known as what?

What is Beethoven’s first name?

What is the planet closest to the sun?

How many Supreme Court Justices are there?

Rob went first, answering an impressive eight of twelve correctly.

Sammi was the only one who believed that Carlos would break his losing streak today, and thought he would at least get seven.

He did extremely well, answering six of twelve correctly. Unfortunately, he remained completely defeated (as in, the exact opposite of “undefeated”).

Thus, Rob was awarded tickets to the World Baseball Classic!

What’s on the Internet? http://www.mint.com/

7 a.m.

Mat mistook the movie “The Untouchables” for Keanu Reeves’ “The Replacements.” For shame, Diablo.

 BREAKIN’ HEARTS, TAKIN’ NAMES

After scouring the dirty corners of Craigslist for your entertainment, Mat found this gem:

“girl who dumped me over the phone at 1:30am – m4w

Date: 2009-01-18, 1:57AM PST

In retrospect, it would have been more fun to play along, but I was a bit too groggy to think fast. Oh well, next time a wrong number breaks up with me, I’ll be ready.

Give me a call if you want to practice dumping guys, I guess my number’s probably in your phone now. Try to call before 10 though.”

Sammi decided to try this scenario out on an unexpecting stranger since we ran out of friends to play Making Plans/Canceling Plans with.

She called Carlos’ friend (with whom he had previously made plans and canceled them), and broke up with him.

(This was the guy that was really down for a sex party at Carlos’ mom’s house.)

His reaction was priceless.

He told her she sounded fiesty, and repeatedly suggested they not end things before they’ve even had a chance to begin.

But she couldn’t forgive the fact that he renegged on his promised to go to her little sister’s dance recital and ditched her at Olive Garden even after she delivered her end of the deal (a taboo sex act).

Tune in next time for BREAKIN’ HEARTS/TAKIN’ NAMES!

Pop Trash: Jo Bros on South Park, Cramer vs. Stewart 2k9 TONIGHT, Joaquin Phoenix rap brawl, Daft Punk set to do Tron 2.0 soundtrack, and Bristol Palin and fiance split.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Tony and David from Airdale Brewing Company came in to share their new brew: the Airdale Dark and Stormy Imperial Stout.

Actually, all their brews are relatively new as they have only been around for seven months.

The two banded together after they discovered their mutual love of beer.

“Hmm, why not open up a company that makes beer?”

Brilliant.

I don’t know how to bring this up subtly… they brought in a keg!

It was certainly an eye opener for a breakfast beer. At nine and a half percent alcohol, some may say it is the wrong way to start your day.

But not the degenerates that make up the 91X Morning Show!

Carlos would pour it on his pancakes. Sammi would pour it in her cereal. Mat just poured it down his throat.

The magic in the beer lied in the fact that it has less sugar than most beers with higher alcohol contents. And less sugar = less hangover.

You can find Airdale’s at Cask Room downtown, Porter’s Pub at UCSD, and the Local on 4th and C, and many other local institutions. 

Mat pointed out that there is no excuse to not drink local beer at this point. Because this beer is delish.

Airdale has a huge spectrum of styles and versions of beer, according to Tony. Just try it!

Tony and David’s preferred local beers are, respectively, Green Flash’s 30th Street, and Pizza Port’s Wipeout IPA.

Carson Daly was supposed to come on to talk about Proposition 317, but his handlers blew us off. Instead, Sammi pretended to be Daly while Mat gave Pennywise tickets to vsrioud sob stories. Everyone argued. It was one of the better freestyle segments so check it out below!

9 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Tim Lee, the Power Point Comedian, came in to talk about his show Saturday night up in Carlsbad.

Lee, a PhD of some sort of science, utilizes slides and power points to make jokes.

For example, he’ll compare the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle to peeing in the right place.

He’s also working on a script about an awkward scientist that learns to meet women by studying animals–the part he was born to play.

Mat made a great point, “If the scientists are laughing, then America laughs with them.”

Check out his website here, or see him LIVE at Carlsbad Village Theatre on Saturday!

Pop Trash: Family Guy causes controversy, and Prince books three-night gig on Leno.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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5:30 a.m.

Mat’s hair is going Obama gray, Preston’s is going Scott Stapp gay.

The gang tried out one of their newest brain babies: Argupedia.

Basically Mat used Wikipedia to defend B-Z List celebrities. This morning he sounded like he knew everything there is to know about Jennie Garth, Carrot Top, and Dalf Lungren.

If he stayed fired up about the topic without stumbling for a minute and a half, he won. If not… well nothing really happened.

(The details of the game will most likely just work themselves out.)

6 a.m.

Doctors in LA and NYC plan to allow expectant parents to “design” their babies through genetic modification. There are certain ethical questions raised by this sort of careless, superficial use of science.

Parents could ostensibly aesthetically alter their babies by choosing eye color, hair color, and other aspects that tend to be most beautiful when they occur naturally.

Sammi gave the example of a friend in high school with two different color eyes. If planned, it would not have the same interesting, unique beauty as his natural “flaw.”

Carlos, of course, was in favor. He thought he could make his kids better looking so they could go farther in life.

He seemed to miss the point that the child would still look like him and the mother, but with whatever eye color he chose. It would probably look unnatural, if anything.

Preston opposed as he never agrees with messing with natural selection.

Someone pointed out that children would become the great boob debate:”Is your kid fake or real?”

Love your kids, man. Love natural beauty, man. Love your flaws, man. They’re only yours

What’s on the Internet? http://pornstartweets.com/

7 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Russell brand called in from his bed in LA to talk about his Comedy Central special: Russell Brand in New York City!

Devotees will remember that Brand was one of the very first guests on the 91X Morning Show.

He reiterated his stance on animal anarchy and encouraged zoo personnel to lock all the animals in one cage and see if any new species emerge.

Brand also taught Mat that the C-word in Britain is used to insult men, rather than the misogynistic connotation it has here.

It can also be used the following way in both countries, according to brand, “I would like to put my P-word in your C-word.”

Mat asked what Brand thought of the new Morrissey record.

He explained that he is contractually bound by his adolescent love for the man to be positive on all Morrissey fronts.

His stand up, premiering this Sunday at 10 p.m. on Comedy Central, is made up mostly of personal anecdotes and the humorous side of death threats.

Brand explained to Mat that death threats are just ridiculous.

“Why even the threat? Just get out there and do the death.”

Brand used to have a radio show with the esteemed British journalist Johnathon Ross. That is, until they left a message on Andrew Sachs’ answering machine informing him that Brand banged his granddaughter.

Then they left a handful of subsequent messages to apologize (which only made things worse).

 Brand said the sex wasn’t worth losing his job, but the joke was.

He left Mat with his newest breeding idea: giraffe + eagle.

He apologized to America for threatening to mar a symbol of Amurrica and changed it to a giraffe + condor.

If you still don’t know who I’m talking about, Brand was “Aldous Snow” in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and the host of the 2008 VMAs.

His exciting life is cataloged in his award-winning and bestselling autobiography, My Booky Wook, that is finally coming over to the States.

Also catch him in a new Judd Apatow vehicle, Get Him to the Greek, with Jonah Hill.

Pop Trash: Wayne Coyne has a beef with the Arcade Fire, Martha Stweart and Ludacris have lunch, twelebrities,  Deuce McAllister files for bankruptcy protection, and Britney Spears starts Circus tour in Nawleans.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST!

Ryan, Beer Ambassador of Karl Strauss, came in to be the sacrificial lamb for the new Beer for Breakfast format.

Basically YOU are the reviewer! Email morningshow@91x.com if you think you can give a legit review while we all drink and make fun of what you say.

You’ll get to join us in the fabulous 91X studio for a rousing round of breakfast beer and public debauchery.

So today Ryan brought in Karl Strauss’ Tower Ten IPA for everyone to review!

The brew is brand new, and has not been released in bottles yet.

Mat like this because it made him feel like he was drinking something “excluuuuuuuusive.”

It WILL be available in bottles in a matter of weeks, and is destined to become one of Karl Strauss’ core beers. That is, it will be available year round!

Ryan brought in two bags of hops (that looked like weed) and gave them to Mat and Sammi to smell.

They were in pellet form. Ryan explained that the dry form is cleaner and easier to measure.

Mat and Sammi then ate some hops and immediately regretted it.

They were forced to chug their beers to wash it down.

After that, Ryan decided to tell them they probably shouldn’t have eaten them because they provide the bitterness.

They were stuck in places Mat and Sammi didn’t want them.

The American IPA was 6.5% alcohol, and cost Ryan 1 cent to bring in.

Carlos compared the taste to a tea bag, and everyone made immature jokes.

Ryan tried to explain the process of dry hopping, but Mat knew it all to well. That’s all he did in high school. Zing.

Tower Ten is a golden orange/amber shade.

It smelled of flowers, nature, and grapefruit.

It’s a very easy beer to drink, and is acceptable with every meal of the day– especially Thai and Indian food because it settles the spice.

Preston called it the “‘whole wheat’ of beers.”

Mat chose Tower Ten as the official beer he would want to drink and throw on himself in the middle of a marathon.

Ryan described the lingering effect of this beer. Your burps make you drunk again.

Sammi said you burp a tree.

Carlos said it tasted like Yosemite.

Everyone agreed it tasted like a glorious camping trip.

Ryan rated it a biased 6 of 5 on an as-of-yet undetermined scale of supremacy.

9 a.m.

Michael McDonald came onshore and into the studio to serenade Art with his versions of Jimmy Eat World songs.

Art correctly identified “Lucky Denver Mint” and “You’re new Aesthetic” and won tickets to the unbelievabley sold out JEW show tomorrow night at the HOB during which they will play the entirety of the album Clarity.

Both of the braks about Michael McDonald were some of the oddest and most awesome in the 91X Morning Show’s history. I suggest you listen below if you missed them. Mikey had to be sedated.

Carlos thanked Russell brand for the gireagle.

Sammi thanked Carlos for having the good sense to bring in a tranq gun.

Mat thanked Mikey McD before he was swallowed by him.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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Rising Moon Spring Ale

Full Moon Spring Ale has 5.4% ABV. Served from a 12oz Brown Bottle, Full Moon Pale Ale was brewed on an unknown date. The beer was purchased at BevMo in Mission Valley on February 26^th 2009 at 7:25 p.m. It was priced at $7.99 for a six pack…I spent a grand total of $17.43…..it WAS NOT on sale.

Proper Glassware: A Pint Glass or a Standard Beer Mug.

Serve @: 40-45°F

Look: This beer poured nicely. It’s a flushed copper with ample 2 fingers of fizzy beige head that left some little lacing behind.

Smell: No overpowering aromas jump out at first. It has a muddled sweet scent. It has faint notes of malt, lime, and spices that round out the nose of this brew. For being a spring ale I expected the hops to be a little more prevalent.

Taste: The taste consisted of a slightly sweet caramel and malt with some mild lime notes, Rising moon has somewhat of a dry yeasty finish.

Feel: Rising Moon has a light to medium body without much carbonation.

Drinkability: Not an everyday drinker for me. I prefer beers with a little more alcohol bite This would make a good beer for a gathering for people who aren’t your typical craft beer drinkers.

Food pairing recommendations: Grilled Cheese Burgers, Hot Dogs, or Brats.

 3.25 out of 5 on the Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy

5:30 a.m.

Mat declared Zima the “Crystal Pepsi” of beer.

Sammi couldn’t figure out if she had to throw up, or was just hungry, so she decided to just make fun of Carlos’ bedroom and the two Bud Lights he keeps in his mini fridge to change the subject.

6 a.m.

Sara Barone, some chick, wrote a book called “People Are Unappealing.”

In it, she reveals that Michael Stipe is a terrible tipper.

Apparently he and his entourage wandered into the restaurant she works at, made them stay open five hours late, smoked inside, and ordered $2000 worth of food.

The restaurant paid for it, and Stipe left NO tip.

Amy, a masseuse at Hotel Del had a coworker that massaged David Hasselhoff.

He tipped her with an 8 by 10 autographed glossy photo.

Another caller encountered the bass player from P.O.D. while working at FedEx/Kinko’s who subsequently smoked him out and then “hooked him up” with some beef jerky. Best tip ever.

Another guy served some of the St. Louis Rams who rang up a $750 bill. Even though they left a measly $35 dollar tip, he was starstruck enough not to care.

A Pedicab driver came across Wee Man and Jack Nicholson (not at the same time) in his line of work. Nicholson is a great tipper, while Wee Man tips relative to his size.

What’s on the Internet?

http://tacomap.com/

and

http://howtobakeapotato.com/

and

http://islostarepeat.com/

and Carlos’ pick:

http://n.ethz.ch/~stadleja/

oh, and,

http://weneedmorelemonpledge.com/

7 a.m.

ABBY FROM A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY

Grandma Abby, Carlos’ grandmother, called in to aid 91X listeners with love and sex advice.

She is single-handedly in charge of the esteemed Art Center of the senior home in Carlsbad.

Recently a legal US citizen, Abby is wise beyond her years in all facets of life from her years of extraordinary experience.

She is a poet, a writer, a lover, and even had her own radio show back in the day.

By request, the segment was dubbed “Abby from a galaxy far far away.” (Well, Colombia.)

She began with a topical joke:

“Due to the rising cost in electricity, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.”

Dave had a question for her.He asked how to get his girlfriend in the mood.

She told him to give her some flowers, play some beautiful beautiful music, be understanding, and then he will have a wonderful time.

She also warned him not to contradict her. Once in awhile he has to listen to her, too.

The music she suggested: Bolero.

It was beautiful advice from a beautiful woman.

And, as usual, she left us with a joke:

“What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?”

“It made him wet his plants.”

Listen in for next time we check in with our Colombian sweetheart.

Pop Trash: Jerry Seinfeld to host reality show, Holly Madison and Chris Angel split up, T.I. is asking Martha Stewart for prison advice, Pylon guitarist dies unexpectedly, final Harry Potter movie announced, and Samuel Jackson to play Nick Fury.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST!

Today the gang reviewed Rising Moon from Blue Moon Brewing Co.’s Spring seasonal collection.

The brew is 5.4 percent alcohol.

It cost $7.99 from BevMo Mission Valley. Mahoney spent a total of $17.49 on beer for this morning.

It was NOT on sale.

Carlos read the label and declared it tasted like lime (…because that’s what it says on the label.)

He compared it to Squirt with booze, but Sammi thought it tasted like chapstick.

To be fair though, Sammi didn’t want to participate in beer for breakfast today.

She had beer for dinner last night.

The last food she ate was a bite of Preston’s PB and J after the show yesterday morning.

Mahoney described the honey hue while Sammi said the beers always looks brown… because she looks through the bottles.

Mahoney was pleased by the ample, fizzy head.

Mat was pleased by the scent. He compared it to a skank’s white leather pants on Hinders tour bus.

Carlos disagreed saying it smelled more like talc powder.

Sammi tasted gingerbread, but noone else did.

Mahoney said that could possibly be from all the yeast.

Mahoney described to mouth feel. The beer’s light to medium body, did not have as much carbonation as he had hoped thus, he rated it a meager 3.15 of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.

STD Medication? Or Character From the Neverending Story?

SUPRAX… STD Med!

ARTAX… Character!

CAIRON… Character!

ALDARA… STD Med!

Jeff knew enough about both to differntiate between the two. Thus, he was awarded tickets to Rise Against and Mountain High lift tickets!

9 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Justin Ecsh of the Bacon Salt Enterprise called in to discuss the rapid success of their newest product: Baconaise!

He hopes that someday their condiment line will be as big as Tabasco.

Devotees will remember that the 91X Morning Show is solely responsible for their success as they appeared FIRST on our show in January 2008

Needless to say, we are big fans of bacon and all bacon-related products.

They even distributed a limited edition bacon flavored chapstick.

And cheddar/Bacon Salt injected hot dogs!

And keep an eye out for Bacon Salt flavored sunflower seeds by Bigs!

Support their dreams of releasing a salad dressing. Buy Bacon Salt.

“Bacon will never go out of style.”

More Pop Trash: Slumdog kids get new houses, Stevie Wonder honored at the White House, and Drew Barrymore wants Jennifer Aniston to dump John Mayer.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?

Lessons learned: Sammi got her “JUGs” in Catholic school, go online to bake a potato, and a sandwich in every beer means it makes a good lunch.

Carlos thanked Mat for letting him know that Zima is the Crystal Pepsi of beer.

Sammi thanked Abby for her newest party joke.

Mahoney thanked Bacon Salt.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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 Beer For Breakfast [17:39m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

5:30 a.m.

The gang chose sides in the Chris Brown/Rihanna debacle.

To everyone’s delight, Mat read aloud from Hip Hop Weekly (the hip hop version of US Weekly).

Sammi pointed out that there were 14 exclamation marks on the cover of the magazine even though there were only five headlines. Win!

MAN DATE (Mandate) XII: Breaking World Records

The World Record Appreciation Society from URDB.org has been throwing record-breaking parties in Brooklyn for quite some time now.

The powers that be at URDB heard about the west coast chapter started by the 91X Morning Show, and is coming all the way out to break some SoCal records at a live broadcast from the House of Blues TOMORROW morning!

Mat, Mahoney, and Carlos all currently hold records as previously featured on World Record Wednesdays.

Don’t you think it’s time you accomplished something great?

What record do you want to break?

Email your ideas to morningshow@91x.com or call 570-191X and join us TOMORROW at the House of Blues for a record-breaking party and live broadcast!

91 cent beer when you buy a breakfast burrito, yo!

And live music from the Brandy Alexander.

AND PRIZES GALORE!

6 a.m.

DRUNK DIAL LINE!

Included:

Birthday song request for Sammi; robot thinks Carlos looks like an Indian woman and hearts Sammi; Randy’s at the office; hollaback, Mountain High; a poem about crack; Carlos isn’t gay, he’s gorgeous; someone super excited about Transformers 2; if you’re a boy you need to man up; and Jimmy Eat World remix about the 91X Morning Show.

What’s on the Internet? http://go-girl.com/

7 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Rob Dyrdek called in to talk about his Fantasty Factory and new show on MTV!

He sounded stoned, but doesn’t smoke. It was just the lingering effects of a recent Vegas trip.

Mat expressed his jealousy and told Dyrdek he’s headed to Reno for his big weekend.

Dyrdek was supportive, “Hey man, its a recession.”

Mat and Dyrdek discussed Dyrdek’s 21 world records as Mat told him about some of ours. (His were a bit more impressive.)

Now he hangs out in his giant warehouse that he turned into his Fantasy Factory complete with anything anyone could ever imagine.

Once he was having a little Saturday afternoon get together and the cops showed.

All of a sudden there were a bunch of blue uniforms flying across the warehouse on the zip line.

He thinks his own show is insane, which always makes for good TV.

Often during filming he thought, “What am I doing? I’m going to kill this guy!”

He keeps a gang of naysayers around just so he can disappoint them when he goes through with all his crazy ideas.

His assistant wants to be on TV so bad, so he blurs his face on every episode. Just to crush his dreams repeatedly. Awesome.

What can you expect from Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasty Factory?

One episode features him and Drama being intentially attacked by sharks. They yell at the sharks. They even have an underwater argument.

Dyrdek said there’s no more bizarre a feeling than waiting for a shark to attack you.

He also bought the tennis ball cannon from the original American Gladiators. And made it mobile.

Oh, and he has a gangsta rapping receptionist.

Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory: Sunday nights at 9 on MTV. Watch it.

Pop Trash: Man Date 12, Tracy Morgan’s fish tank on fire, Tony Rock gets a DUI, Futurama back, NPH to play the Flash, K Fed and Bone Thugs, and Adam Carolla fired from CBS.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Today the guys and girl reviewed Dixie Blackened Voodoo Lager from New Orleans in honor of Mardi gras.

No wait… it says on the bottle its from Wisconsin, as Carlos pointed out.

Nasty Nate explained that it used to be in New Orleans, but had to be relocated after Katrina.

Voodoo is 5 percent alcohol by volume.

It was purchased at the Mission Valley BevMo for $9.99 a 6 pack. Mahoney spent a whopping $22.68 on beer yesterday. It was not on sale.

Voodoo is best served out of a flute or pilsner glass.

The color: a strong mahogany with light crimson hues.

Mat took a sip and was instantly transformed from Catholic to Wiccan.

Preston compared it to Galic literature. It was Beowulf in a bottle.

Sammi said it smelled like goth kids.

Mat agreed and took a giant whiff of what seemed to be the inside of vinyl pants with belts and zippers.

Carlos said it tasted like bong water.

It was not as pleasant as Mahoney hoped, because it was almost watered down.

Sammi compared the brew to the movie “The Craft,” and would pair it with an Ann Rice novel.

Mahoney rated it a meager 2.7 of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.

The Stay Classy guys returned as promised to announce the lineup of their Elemental Experience festival in Mission Bay Park May 2.

Oh,and they brought beer. Rad.

To reiterate : all proceeds are going to the Stay Classy Foundation’s efforts to build a San Diego shelter for homeless youth.

THE LINEUP:

Jay Nash!

Pete and Jay!

Dirty Sweet!

Bassnectar!

Mason Jennings!

Pinback!

Matisyahu!

Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Sorry about all the !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’s. I’ve been reading Hip Hop Weekly.)

9 a.m.

ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Matt Kenseth, 2009 Daytona 500 winner, called in to talk about his big win and his participation in the Auto Club 500 in Fontana this weekend.

He won the Daytona 500 after starting 39th… in his back up car.

He was surprised by the NASCAR fan base in San Fran.

That’s pretty much all I got from that interview as Mat had absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

Then Mat made him feel uncomfortable about liking Three Doors Down.

More Pop Trash: Lily Allen BFFs with LiLo, and Madonna wants to be in New Moon.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY?

Lessons learned: Beer can taste like an epic poem, 50 Cent and Rick Ross have a beef worthy of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, and Tracy Morgan is an idiot when it comes to fish.

Carlos thanked Mahoney for blurring out his face tomorrow.

Preston thanked Hustler for providing Chrissy Russo with her wardrobe.

Sammi thanked Rob Dyrdek’s blurry-faced friend.

Mahoney thanked Sammi for stealing his “thanks.”

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

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5:30 a.m.

Preston’s Dream Girl emailed Sammi again:

“I wanted set the record straight and let everyone know that I am definitely real, live in San Diego, and do not have a goddamn FUPA.  But for the sake of good humor, here’s a little gift for Carlos.”

Rad. Yay for Depreston!

6 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Mat: Sammi, where do you go when you need to find out what the weather is?

Sammi: Outside.

Zing.

The answer he was actually looking for was “Chrissy Russo on Fox 5!”

Chrissy Russo called in between “weather on the 5’s” to chat with the guys about nothing in particular.

Her bubbly demeanor enchanted Carlos, Mat and Mahoney.

Carlos lost it when she said she had a Snuggie.

She giggled about her miniskirt on Monday, and the rumors of the 91X Morning Show’s “Chrissy Russo Doppler 5000.”

When Mat told her to lay off the conservative pantsuits as they make our show (and mornings) mundane,she giggled.

And she giggled throughout her in depth Padres report, “Those guys are great, great, great!”

Carlos called her out for rejecting his invitation to a Wolfmother concert three years ago.

She didn’t remember.

He asked her out again, and she completely avoided even giving him an answer. He assumed it was a “not a chance, buddy.”

Chrissy Russo then hopped on the back of a studly non-smoker’s motorcycle and headed off into the sunset over the Coronado Bridge and out of Carlos’ grasp.

Aww.

What’s on the Internet? http://www.fmylife.com/

7 a.m.

FEATURED GRAMMY INTERVIEWS

Dr. Drew is doing the lord’s work.

Mat spoke to him at the Grammy’s about his new show, Sober House.

The show follows some of the people from Celebrity Rehab as they try to live… soberly… in a house.

Guess the name speaks for itself.

Also on the show is Andy Dick, Mary Carey, and Stephen Adler.

Dr. Drew revealed that Andy Dick used to beat his Bitches, by the way.

He once stabbed his guitarist in the thigh with a pencil for striking the wrong chord.

Mat spoke to Stephen Adler too. Adler actually met Dick (haha, met Dick) in a Pascadena rehab center and brought him onto Sober House.

Mary Carey was interviewed as well. Both Adler and Carey’s sponsors hung out too!

“Bitch, f***, c***, whore.”

Eloquently put, Ms. Carey.

Pop Trash: Limp Bizkit reforming, Courtney Love and Mickey Rourke, Jay-Z enraged by news of Rihanna, Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman, Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams engaged, Pioneer done, and Twestival.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST

Today the guys reviewed Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat. Sammi had to drink PBR because she’s allergic to blueberries. If consumed, she would “Willy Wonka” it and turn into a giant blueberry. Boo hoo.

Join the 91X Morning Show tomorrow night at the High Dive for the inaugural edition of Friday Night Pints!

Brewmaster Paul Segura of Karl Strauss will be there to chat it up and debut his new brew the Saison.

It cost $8.99 per 6 pack. It was NOT on sale.

Mahoney even ventured out of Mission Valley all the way to College Area to buy it.

The color was a blond cloudy golden yellow with slight copper hues and a creamy bubbly head.

Mahoney commmented on the heavy white lacing creeping down his glass.

He smelled the beer and was immediately smacked in the nose with a giant blueberry.

Mat thought it smelled like Limited Too and Lisa Frank. And Fruity Pebbles

Mat made everybody picture him hobbling around, naked, with only boat shoes on drinking fruit-infused beer.

Mahoney suggested this as an ample Valentine’s Day brew for men who are trying to get their ladies to drink beer.

Carlos said it tastes like Aerosmith.

Sammi imagined it tastes like a trip to the hospital.

The blueberry flavor and carbonation dance on your tongue, and it is not as creamy as it looks.

Although he could enjoy it on a sunny afternoon, Mahoney said that this beer is primarily for non-beer drinkers.

Drink it with Lemon Chicken, yo.

Mahoney rated it a mediocre 3.15 of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.

ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A 13TH GRADER?

Carlos is pretty, but is he smart?

Carlos, the 91X Morning Show’s resident 13th grader, and Haley, a Coldplay Superfan and Mesa student, went head to head in a battle of knowledge.

The questions:

Spell the word “Amateur.”

What state is Mount Rushmore in?

What is the Capital of Mexico?

What is the highest mountain in North America?

What is 13 x 12?

Name the current and the two previous Governors of California.

Who is commonly credited as being the first man to circumnavigate the Earth?

Who invented Peanut Butter?
What is the smallest state in the US by population?
Use this phrase in a sentence “Scott Free.”

Hayley went first, answering six of ten correctly.

Carlos answered four correctly. In his defense, he threw the game because she loved Coldplay so much.

Thus, she was awarded SECOND ROW tickets to see Coldplay!

****************Something happened to the blog after the show. Sorry the 9 a.m. hour is nonexistent.

 

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 Deanna Lorraine [17:41m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

5:30 a.m.

Mat asked Mahoney if he had any residual sugar shakes from his 52 second consumption of a Baskin Robbins Large Chocolate Oreo Milkshake.

After a brief exodus after yesterday’s show, he felt fine.

Preston happened to be in the bathroom during said exodus (as he follows everyone into the bathroom), and reported that it sounded like Mahoney put an animal in a wood chipper.

Everyone knows that Mat thinks the funniest thing in the world is tow trucks towing other tow trucks, but yesterday something even better happened: a high speed chase involving a U-Haul.

Mat thought that the Internet did a much better job at covering the chase than the TV reporters did as he followed an entertaining “What’s in the U-Haul?” feed on Twitter.

A Gas Tank Rodeo contestant called in to revel in his victory as he sputtered and rolled into a gas station after a day-and-a-half long round.

6 a.m.

Mat wondered, as many people do, if Cal Worthington is still alive.

Carlos said he’s been a hologram since the 80s.

Cal was born on November 27, 1920.

Four people swore he’s alive, one said there’s no way.

Mat remembered first seeing the commercial when he was 8. Even then he thought, “That’s the oldest guy I’ve ever seen.”

A caller sure that he has passed said that at the bottom of the commercials it says, “Celebrity Impersonator.”

There was only one way to know for sure. Mat punched Cal’s info into DeathClock.com

According to the site, he passed away on Wednesday, November 20, 1991.

Either way, Cal Worthington and King Stahlman are badasses. Pussy Cow.

What’s on the Internet?

http://calworthington.com/

7 a.m.

NASCAR RODEO!

Mat didn’t want to give Sprint Cup tickets to any fair-weathered fans, hence

THE NASCAR RODEO!

The game: two contestants knowledgeable in the world of Nascar would take one another on round robin style to name as many current Sprint Cup drivers as they possibly can.

Jennifer and David went head-to-head for three rounds until she could name no more.

Since Jennifer’s performance was unremarkable, David took on (and defeated!) another challenger, Dave, for 7 rounds.

Dave should have known better than to take on a Georgia man!

So: David was awarded tickets to the Auto Club 500!

Pop Trash: Mickey Rourke NOT wrestling, Aniston refuses Playboy, maybe baby Obama, Hefner doesn’t miss exes, Skynyrd keyboardist dies, and Ted Haggard speaks.

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST!

Saluting our friends in the great state of Baja California, Mahoney chose to review Cucapa Obscura!

Cucapa claims to be one of first microbreweries south of the border.

The Obscura is 4.5 percent alcohol by volume.

It was purchased at BevMo Mission Valley for $8.99 a 6 pack. It was not on sale.

Mahoney spent $32 on today’s beer!

Obscura produced a 2 inch thick off-tan head when poured into a pint glass, but Mahoney said it was the fastest he’s seen head go down in his entire life.

Mahoney gazed through his glass at the siniter burnt mahagony shade of the ale.

Mat told Mahoney about the special mineral content that is used to brew it.

Preston said it smelled like a Bon Jovi concert.

Sammi thought of an armadillo.

Mahoney said that, even though it is brewed in Mexico, it is one of the best tasting American Brown Ales he’s had. Everyone agreed.

Sammi said it tastes like holding hands across the border.

Mahoney agrred, citing the pleasant mouth feel that goes down without effort.

Mahoney would pair it with a reheated California burrito from La Posta.

Or Carne Asada Fries from Super Sergios.

Mahoney rated it a slightly racist 4.3 of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.

MAT DIABLO’S CRUCIAL LISTS

Top 5 things in Mahoney’s refrigerator unit.

(AKA The ONLY things in his fridge.)

5. Spongebob Squarepants Pushpops

4. Frozen Bags of Snickers

3. Three Cases of Coke

2. A Case of Budweiser

1. Biggest Bag of Frozen Corn Dogs

Bonus items: sadness, mustard, and sour cream.

9 a.m.

Dave Farra of MMAfix.com called in to talk about this weekend’s UFC 94.

Dave corrected Mat, noting that he is from MMAeruption.org and only called in to talk about Stephen Boner.

Mat was happy to hear that MMA Fix has an entire section devoted to UFC gambling action.

Farra agreed that any amount of money increases the fun because you are literally invested in the fight.

UFC 94

Location: Las Vegas
Venue: MGM Grand Garden Arena
Broadcast: Pay Per View

MAIN CARD

• Welterweight champ Georges St. Pierre vs. lightweight champ B.J. Penn (for welterweight title)
• Lyoto Machida vs. Thiago Silva
• Stephan Bonnar vs. Jon Jones
• Karo Parisyan vs. Dong Hyun Kim
• Nate Diaz vs. Clay Guida

PRELIMINARY CARD

• Jon Fitch vs. Akihiro Gono
• Manny Gamburyan vs. Thiago Tavares
• John Howard vs. Chris Wilson
• Jake O’Brien vs. Christian Wellisch
• Matt Arroyo vs. Dan Cramer

Mahoney called the GSP/B.J. fight an epic battle of champions. Farra agreed.

The odds are 2 to 1 in favor of GSP.

Farra thinks that BJ has just been talking a lot of trash to psyche out GSP and try to get a mental edge instead of just standing and fighting his fight.

Farra’s rule: Never ever bet against GSP.

In other fights: the odds are in Silva’s favor, Bonnars been out of the game for 15 months, Parisyan is a talented douche, and Diaz can take a punch or eleven.

Farra thought it was a travesty that the Fitch fight was not put on the Main Card.

Apparently he pissed off Dana White involving something with a UFC video game.

Catch UFC 94 on PPV this Saturday!

More Pop Trash: Porn version of The Office, Jessica Simpson is wearing mom jeans, Tony Romo cheated on her, and the Superbowl refs were announced.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN?

Lessons learned: Carlos doesn’t understand the term “Good Riddance,” mini Snickers make great ice cubes, King Stahlman would kick the crap out of Cowboy Cal, and it’s not “pussy cow.”

Carlos thanked Cal Worthington Dodge: the poor man’s Disneyland.

Preston thanked Mahoney’s fridge.

Sammi thanked Walmart’s Jumbo Bag O Corn Dogs.

Mahoney thanked Cucapa for the best American Ale ever made in Mexico.

Mat thanked the fine citizens of Baja California.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS