5:30 a.m.
Mat Diablo was excited for “Sports” and “Pop Trash” because Mahoney broke his glasses and needs them to read.
Mahoney spent his night in the Star Trek Museum alone, without his glasses.
Mat speculated that you could never be teleported anywhere without at least getting cancer. When he saw teleportation on sci-fi shows as a kid, other children said, “Whoa, that’s cool!” Mat, however, said, “Whoa, that’s cancer.”
Mat was delighted when he heard that Travis from the Gym Class Heroes tattooed Hall on the top of his left hand, and Oates on his right.
6 a.m.
Carlos had the most awesome rock-star night ever at an MS benefit, rubbing elbows with the Chargers.
Meanwhile…
Mahoney had the ultimate nerd night. He broke his glasses on his way to the Star Trek Exhibition at the Air and Space Museum, where he was the only patron. After meandering around for a few hours, he headed home for some quality Chef Boyardee Ravioli. Next, he labeled and organized his pornography in preparation for an ex-girlfriend’s upcoming visit. For 45 minutes, he diligently separated the videos into categories by actress and theme. He then hid all of the files in his work folders.
Mat thought he had an equally, if not more, pathetic night. His wife went out to dinner with a friend, leaving him to his own devices. None of his friends answered their phones, and the ones who did wanted nothing to do with a dinner with Mat. He started watching TV, and couldn’t resist the lure of a Red Lobster commercial. So he went and ate-in by himself. The waitress asked him twice if he was waiting for another member of his party. There were four place settings, and they never took any of the extras away.
An all-around disappointing evening for everyone except Carlos.
What’s on the Internet? http://slydial.com/
“I’ve made a mixtape or two with Lifehouse on it.”
-Mahoney
Man Date (Mandate) V: Suits and Cigars
Join the 91X Morning Show at the Turf Club at the Del Mar Racetrack this Friday for the classiest Man Date yet!
Not only will food and cigars be provided for your eating and smoking pleasure, but 91X wants to give you cash and use of an on-hand handicapper to make sure you win big!
A truly classy affair, proper attire (suits and dresses) must be worn! Also, the copious amounts of alcohol that will be consumed require that all attendees be at least 21.
7 a.m.
The 91X Morning Show: fueled by string cheese and broken dreams.
The Padres Playoff Hopes checked in with Mahoney. Unfortunately, they are suffering from a wicked combination of leprosy, Polio, and AIDS.
NEW GAME!
Racehorse? Or Steven Seagal Movie?
Criminal Type: Racehorse!
Ticker: Steven Seagal Movie!
First Samurai: Racehorse!
Depth Charge: Racehorse!
Fit To Fight: Racehorse!
The two callers that could differentiate between the two won admission to the Man Date, and all the fabulous luxuries that accompany it!
Pop Trash: Locklear leaves rehab, Pitt takes legal action against pictures, cancelled Sitcom causes coronary problems, more bang for your buck with Vaughn, McConaughey ‘got tribal on it,’ and Megan Fox’s tough life as the sexiest woman alive.
Glenn Howerton and Charlie Day from It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia called in to talk about abortion jokes, Comic Con, and the next season of the show.
When asked which learning disabilities Charlie has (on the show), Charlie responded that although he is not quite literate, his biggest challenge is that he doesn’t have the ability to learn.
Glenn, who plays Dennis Reynolds, commented on the show’s budget. Although the show receives more money as its fan base and viewership continues to grow exponentially, the budget shrinks as the actors pocket the difference.
If you haven’t seen the show yet, you need to watch it. It is fully endorsed by both Mat Diablo and Sammi the Intern.
8 a.m.
BEER FOR BREAKFAST!
Today the gang sampled the tastes of the motherland: Hobgoblin Imported Dark English Ale.
It was the second beer out of a can featured on the show (along with the Fourth of July edition with PBR.)
The ale is 5.2 alcohol by volume and served in a pint (In the colonies, we call that a Tall Boy.)
A notable quotable from Mat, “Look at me, I’m drinking your fancy beer out of a paper bag.”
Mahoney wanted everyone to know he spent $10.99 on a 4-pack, and that it was not on sale.
He then commented on the dark red hue and golden mahogany highlights of the beer.
Mat compared it to the toilet water in a port-o-potty.
Mahoney said it smells of toffee. Mat said it smells of Estelle Getty’s corpse.
Or moth balls and Worther’s Original.
Or Velvetta Cheese by the Slice.
Basically, it tasted like a 7-layer burrito (minus 6 layers.)
Mahoney disagreed, noting that its subtle taste is fruity with a bit of a bitter finish and hints of caramel and chocolate.
However, Mahoney thought it was overpriced, in a can (unacceptable), and the unofficial beer of halloween, so he refused to drink it again. He laughed at it. What an elitist.
Mat said it tasted of raisins and dead people.
Mahoney gave it a 2.6 of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.
Everyone has that one great story; the one you tell time after time at parties and dinners, that is so ridiculous and unbelievable there is no way it could have been made up.
Today’s winner of sold-out Comic Con tickets was Matthew who sent in this amazing tale:
My story begins at a party around 9:00 in the Palm Springs area. The party was just like any other, when my friend Craig started talking about getting revenge on a previous employer of his. He recently left a valet job at a hotel that was very upscale. One of his many plans was to steal some of the decorations they had out front. Because they were upscale these decorations were real life Flamingos. So, overhearing this idea that could have just become another joke at a party I stood up and with determination said “lets go”. Some of my friends didn’t think we would do it which made me want to do it more. Three other people joined us on are mission making a solid team. Just like an Ocean’s 11 movie, we all had our specialties. Craig knew the surroundings, so he showed us where to go and how to get there. TJ lived on a ranch so we depended on him to rope us a Flamingo. Cameron was still stoned from the party which made him paranoid and a pretty good look out man. Scott and I were if anything the muscle and the brains of the operation. We show up at the hotel around 10:30 p.m. park in the back and make our way to the front. The birds and surroundings were quiet untill we made our way in. Entering the shallow and rancid water TJ, Craig , Scott and I approached the frightened flamingos and started our plan. We had people on all sides to give us the best chance for a catch. They ran all over making the strangest noises. There were also giant geese hissing at us with their wings and chest flaring and my drunken friend just laughing at them. Dirty, wet and cold, but still determined I took the net we purchased at Wal*Mart just a few minutes ago, I threw it down and held on tight. We got one! TJ the rodeo king knew exactly what to do. He picked up the legs, held down the head and held on as we left the scene of the crime. Our mission was complete and our feathered friend spent a night swimming in my pool and was returned the next day after we found out we had no idea how to take care of a flamingo.
If you think you have the Greatest Story Ever Told, email it to morningshow@91x.com to win sold-out Comic Con tickets!
9 a.m.
Drunk Dial Line!
Sober Fatty was allowed on the drunk dial line.
“What the f#%k, you call and no one even picks up the phone?”
Isn’t it a little early to drink to the Chargers in the Superbowl?
Carlos called when he’s late for work and couldn’t find his damn keys.
Mustache Meatballs.
Mahoney’s Balls’ Southern Cousin called to tell them they have Southern cousins.
Carlos is a vagina because he won’t cut his hair and join the Armed Forces.
More Pop Trash: Hannah Montana wake-up call.
Carlos thanked the dude that said if he has long hair, he’s a terrorist.
Sammi the Intern thanked Chef Boyardee for making sure Mahoney doesn’t have to organize his porn on an empty stomach.
Mat thanked It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
Mahoney thanked the guy who dressed up for Jury Duty in a wife beater, bandana, and short shorts. He then thanked pornography.
-SS
Standard Podcast [30:42m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download
