91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

5:30 a.m.

Mat Diablo and Mahoney had an in depth conversation about–and investigation of–the Long John Silver’s franchise. It was certainly the longest anyone has talked about the eatery in quite some time, far longer than necessary as they have had no more than two patrons at a time (Mahoney on first dates) for the past 17 years or so.

 

6 a.m.

After watching the Republican National Convention last night, Mat came to fear Sarah Palin. The very idea of calling snow mobiles “snow machines” (as they do in Alaska) caused him more anxiety than the overwhelming devastation he suffers from thinking about the sheer massiveness of the entirety of the universe. (Devotees will recall that “universe anxiety” is number one on Mat’s alarmingly lengthy list of personal neuroses.)

But Mat wasn’t the only one disturbed by the Republicans last night.

P. Diddy, now referring to himself as Ciroc Obama, had a few things to say to John McCain about Ms. Palin in the 16th edition of his esteemed series of vlogs.

“Alaska!?” he asked incredulously. “ALASKA!?”

He then asked his Macbook what the reality of Alaska is. He wondered, “Are there even are any black people in Alaska? Do they have crackheads?” And so on.

To really drive his point home in the conclusion of this most professional of political commentaries, Diddy put it simply: “John McCain… you’re buggin’.”

 

Meanwhile, in a white-washed and scarcely furnished bachelor trap in Southern California, Mahoney had very different sentiments toward the new vice presidential candidate as he ”took it out” on the Republican National Convention.

Hey, at least he’s learning about the issues as he’s using up his tissues. Hi ho.

 

What’s on the Internet? http://postcard.fm/

 

Call it a Man Date, call it a party, WHATEVER!

This Friday at the High Dive, join the 91X Morning Show from 5 to 7 p.m. for a Chargers pep rally to start the season off right!

Get housed and feast on the newest menu item (Carlos’ balls) in the company of the Chargers girls!

 

7 a.m.

Harry O., the George Hamilton of 91X, has a personalized license plate that says: HARRYO (clever!)

Mat was inspired by the creativity a personalized license plate conveys and decided to invest in one of his own.

It now says 5LA5H (as in Slash 5) on his motorcycle’s plate. (Gay.)

To make matters worse, Mat admitted that he had one in high school that said BROCORE.

Mahoney called him out on his blatant douchebaggery. To be fair, MaHyundai won’t  even put a bumper sticker on his car.

(Sidenote: Mat revealed that he plans to put one that says, “Sucking dicks paid for this Hyundai!” on Mahoney’s ride.)

Carlos was embarrassed for Mat, and agreed that he would never ever personalize his plate.

Sammi the Intern called it a dealbreaker; but Mahoney pointed out that the fact the guy even has a car is the dealbreaker in her case.

A caller, Yoni, supported Mat as he has one that says, THE YONI. He said it’s the most manly thing someone can do.

Haley called in because her dad has one that says PHNNSUP (or “fins up,” as in the Jimmy buffett song.)

 

A few more jokes Mat made at Harry O.’s expense:

His tan is borderline radioactive.

He single-handedly keeps LA Looks in business.

 

Pop Trash: Duchovny in sex rehab, Spade’s new daughter, and Miley Cyrus is ballin’.

 

8 a.m.

BEER FOR BREAKFAST!

Brought to you this week by the High Dive

Barons of Austalia Extra Special Bitter is 4.7 percent alc by volume and $10.99 for a 6 pack.

Mahoney artlessly pointed out that is was not on sale.

He explained to the uninitiated that an Extra Special Bitter (ESB) is just a more agressive type of the bitter British version.

Mat deemed the extra bitterness of the beer appropriate for Mahoney and his ever-present cloud of despair.

everything i learned about beer i learned from keystone

While the sweet aroma of mixed floral scents and carmel evoked feelings of happiness for Mahoney, its overtone of sadness reminded Mat of divorce.

Mat immediately recognized the taste. It was vaguely similar to a kettle of tea he once made using Larry King’s dirty boxer shorts with sprinkles of incontinence.

Mahoney actually agreed because he heard that King has extremetly full-flavored balls!

Mahoney gave it a 3.1 out of 5 on Mahoney’s Beer Scale of Supremacy.

Mat, in honor of this ESB’s Australian-based brewery, translated the rating into the metric system: Infinity point seven divided by January out of Purple.

 

TONIGHT!

The most compelling faceoff in 91X Kickball history. Balls will fly. Heroes will fall.

Be there to witness Mat and Ruggy take on the rest of the 91X world this evening on Adams and 35th in North Park at 8 p.m.!

 

9 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Mat and Mahoney spoke to Dan Henderson about his fight this weekend in UFC 88!

He’s dropped twenty pounds and is ready to take on the guy whose name no one on this show can say.

He will be enlisting a few new fighting tactics to take on his huge opponent, calling on his more-spritely, but less-directly-aggressive, techniques from his Olympic wrestling experience to avoid getting taken down.

(He fell asleep a few times during the interview, let’s hope that doesn’t happen during the fight.)

Watch him this Saturday live from Atlanta! Or go train in his gym in Temecula. All are welcome.

 

 Carlos thanked Mat.

Sammi thanked Mat.

Mahoney thanked Dan.

Mat thanked Dan.

 

Holla back, marijuana.

 

-SS

5:30 a.m.

Mat Diablo returned from his Canadian excursion bearing gifts for all. He predicted that Sammi the Intern would be the most thrilled about her new knick-knacks, but told her that she would have to wait until later in the show to receive them.

Carlos shared that Sammi the Intern returned with a new tattoo. A giant sunflower on the top, right corner of her chest with script that reads, “Goodbye blue Monday.” Mat is the only one who got the reference, as he introduced her to the book it comes from earlier in the summer.

 

Devotees will recall that Mat and Ruggy play for the City League kickball team 2 Balls 1 Cup. Mahoney and Carlos, distraught from being excluded from the friendly neighborhood activity, set up a team of their own for the new season. Other players on the new franchise include Sammi the Intern, Rowley and Preston from Loudspeaker SD, and a slew of fellow 91Xers.

 

Mat predicted that Mahoney would take the entire season too seriously. Mahoney called Mat out for his passive aggressive trash talk.

Much more on this as the season unfolds…

 

6 a.m.

Drunk Dial Line!

Included:

“Is this 911? Is this 911? Please, there’s a crack in my butt.”; creepy James Lipton revealed that Mahoney is into beastiality; Mat is somehow responsible for someone’s girlfriend passing out; Fatty was shrooming with Cassy, Jacob, Seamus, Merrum, some dude they call number one, Butthole, Bin Leash and a schmoggle; another Anza resident dissed Fatty, but gave a shout out to Native Americans; “what what in by butt”; “Who the hell is Steve West? He sounds like my Grandpa.”; Fatty is not allowed back into the Anza casino until October 5; Carlos is a base hit, whatever that means; and an OB native weighed in on the vice presidential candidates (in a stoner, alcoholic, OB way) who provided the show’s new sign off, “Hollaback, marijuana.”

 

What’s on the Internet? http://vpilf.com/

 

Call it a Man Date, call it a party, WHATEVER!

This Friday at the High Dive, join the 91X Morning Show from 5 to 7 p.m. for a Chargers pep rally to start the season off right!

Get housed and feast on the newest menu item (Carlos’ balls) in the company of the Chargers girls!

 

7 a.m.

As Mat and Mahoney discussed their vlogs, Carlos was butt-hurt because he has never made one. His roommate doesn’t allow him to use the computer after 8 p.m. following an uncomfortable incident with questionable web material.

Diddy’s new vlog entitled, Gas Prices Are Too Mutha-fuckin’ High, describes the plight of his flight as he is forced to fly a commercial airline because he can’t afford gas for his jet. 

Mat’s favorite part was Diddy’s reason for flying so often:

 ”I’ve been having to fly back and forth to LA pursuing my acting career.”

 

After Diddy scoffed at the fact that he was on American Airlines (gasp), he gave a shout-out to his Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters.

Then he asked them (politely) to send him some oil for his jet.

 

Mat announced that the new sensation– A Fat Guy, A Baby, and Someone With Cancer– was just added to the Street Scene lineup.

 

 Pop Trash: Moore under fire after douchebag comment, man arrested for stealing Prince William pics, Ed McMahon’s house up for sale again, Fatone speaks out for Timberlake, Helen Mirren loves cocaine, and Hartnett accidentally stars in sex tape.

 

Mahoney said that Preston, the self-loathing muscle from Loudspeaker SD, is the only person at the station who makes him feel good about himself. It was the most depressing insult Preston will ever hear.

 

Mat gave Jackie from Chula Vista a pair of tickets to the Saturday edition of 2008 Street Scene.

 

8 a.m.

A listener emailed Mat to let him know that A Fat Guy, A Baby, and Someone With Cancer is playing with Tabernacle this Saturday at noon at the Imperial Beach Lion’s Club.

 

Mat claimed that Vancouver is the second-best city in North America. He was absolutely smitten with the city as it was he and his wife’s first vacation in two years that didn’t involve family, work, weddings, or radio.

Mat’s big accomplishments of the week: relaxation, hotel sex, and making it back across the American border.

Mahoney’s stay-cation accomplishments: he beat the video game Bioshock in three days, attended his first Charger game, and met a girl.

Although pleased that he met a ladyfriend, Mat marred it by pointing out that once again Mahoney is dating a she-version of Mat.

Can you say repressed man-crush?

 

Mahoney realized that this is the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with after she drank too much, passed out, woke up in her underwear and forgot Mahoney was even there. Ahh, young love.

 

And now for…

the presentation of gifts.

As per usual, when any member of the 91X Morning Show flees the city (s)he returns with trinkets for the rest of the crew.

Mat brought Mookie ”Mazel Tov” maracas– blue and white maracas with the star of David printed on them. He thought it was the perfect hybrid toy for all of the Jews in Southern California.

Sammi the Intern received a tote bag with a happy piece of bacon with his arm around his happy egg friend. Inside was a praying mantis glider, a Jesus-shaped nightlight to remind her of the pristine life she should be living, a Canadian flag and four glass eyeballs used on taxidermy animals.

Carlos received a pennant that said, “Bacon!”, a Canadian bumper sticker, and a dinosaur glider. The best part of the gift bundle was a mug that said “Carl,” since there are no Mexicans in Canada and nothing said Carlos.

Mahoney got a pennant that said, “Despair!” and a fine Cuban cigar.

Mahoney got Mat a Del Mar hat that they had gotten for free a few weeks ago and all seven King’s Quest games. (Nerds.)

 

9 a.m.

Pop Trash: Don LaFontaine passes away, Lindsay Lohan dedicated a song to Samantha Ronson, and Mahoney’s mom has the hots for Prince William.

 

Sammi the Intern thanked a fat guy, a baby, and someone with cancer.

Carlos thanked Mat for giving him a Carl mug.

Mahoney thanked Fatty.

 

Hollaback, marijuana.

 

-SS