91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

5:30 a.m.

Andrew Pinnock had to reschedule his interview, so Carlos offered to talk about his high school football days.

Mat, Mahoney and Carlos approved of Kevin Garnett’s championship “real talk.” Mat wondered when he would accomplish something great enough to thank everyone from his mama to his baby mama and yell, “top of the woooooooooorld!” Real talk.

Mahoney seductively showed Mat his “kickball socks.” Mat told him he rousingly raised his pant leg like an old movie star’s sillhouette behind a boudoir.

6 a.m.

 La Jolla seals’ collective fate sealed after another court ruling in favor of humans.

Mat invented a game after he learned that Preston eats PB and J for every meal, everyday. If Carlos could correctly identify every person Kevin Garnett thanked in an audio clip of his celebratory ramble, Mat would  give Preston five dollars and buy him lunch.

Unfortunately Carlos forgot P-Nut from 311, so Preston will go hungry for another day.

What’s on the Internet? http://bobbygoulet.blogspot.com/

Mahoney was outraged that a Vons clerk had the audacity to corner him at the checkout counter and ask him to make a contribution to charity. The cause was “prostate awareness.” Mahoney said, “No thank you, I am intimately aware of my prostate already.”

The two women in line, however, generously gave a few dollars.

Mahoney claimed he has been donating plenty of money to breast awareness on his own time and he is no more aware of a breast than before. This is, of course, referring to two specific breasts.

A caller admitted that he would be much more inclined to donate to these checkout charities if they shone a spotlight on him and announced to all the lady-shoppers that, “a nice-looking guy is doing a good deed at register four.” Shame.

7 a.m.

 Mahoney and Carlos were absolutely delighted to hear that Sinbad is playing the San Diego County Fair this evening.

Mahoney, starry-eyed and hopeful, wondered aloud if his man-crush Michael Turko would consider accompanying him to this ”can’t-miss” comedy show.

Mat pulled some strings to book an interview with President George W. Bush to discuss his upcoming memoir. Dubs told Mahoney that he is planning a pop-up account of his presidencey entitled, “George Bush: My Bad,” with a subtitle, “Not.”

The pop-up book will include a “book on tape” to satisfy the hunger of the public for new media.

He admitted Tom Clancy and Danielle Steele will ghostwrite the epic tale.

Pop Trash: Leno benefit shows, Benji and Paris will possibly procreate, and a Bob Marley sex tape.

Mat’s God-awful Jay Leno impression taunted Sammi the Intern relentlessly.

8 a.m.

P-Nut from 311 called in from his, “man-made version of nature” to chat with Mat.

P-Nut clarified that he is not an amateur botanist, just a card-carrying medicinal marijuana user.

Mat asked him what the deal is with stoners and basketball, but P-Nut did not have an answer. He just knew he loves basketball. Case and point.

P-Nut broke Mahoney’s heart when he told him that 311 has retired their Milk Challenge.

Join P-Nut, 311, Snoop DOGG and the entire snoop-a-delic band at Criket Wireless Ampitheatre on June 27!

New game!  Porn Star Name or My Little Pony?

For example, Cherry Treats… Porn star or pony?

… My Little Pony!

A contestant won tickets and meet-and-greet passes to Death Cab for Cutie at the SDSU Open Air Theatre after correctly differentiating three of the following children’s toys from adult-film stars.

Lucky Star: Male Porn Star from Pure Milk 2!

Love Melody: My Little Pony!

Green Eyes: Porn Star from Hispanic Heatwave!

Chocolate Delite: a soda-sippin’ My Little Pony!

Sweetie Pie: Porn Star from BreastMan’s American Butt Search!

Misty Rain: Porn Star from The XXX Files!

Honey Rose: Porn Star from Lethal Squirt!

9 a.m.

Mat’s new band, Homosexual Divorce, has been scheduled to fill the TBA spot on the 4 O’Clock Fridays concert calendar.

Kevin Garnett was given a new talk show on Sportscenter called, “Real Talk.” The premise is that he is showered with champagne while shouting thank-you’s at people.

Mat’s dad is trying to sell an $80,000 caboose on eBay.

It has no wheels, and weighs an immovable amount. Mat said that this is why there is nothing more dangerous than a group of well-to-do cowboys with enormous bank accounts and tiny agendas. (Note: Mat’s dad’s best friend recreationally flies an old, decommissioned military plane.)

The caboose, hailed by Mat’s dad as an authentic piece of Western history, is little more than a mobile home. Although, it’s not even mobile.

Buy it here!

Mat’s God-awful Jay Leno impression wouldn’t leave the Pop Trash segment alone. It was Leno in space, actually.

Carlos thanked the jackass that installed Mat’s voice-toy.

Sammi the Intern thanked Honey Rose and the  entire cast of Lethal Squirt.

Mat thanked P-Nut, Kevin Garnett, and the cast of Hispanic Heatwave.

Mahoney thanked ’sota, chi-town, v.b., socash, basswood, his baby mama, and his real mama.

-SS