91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

5:30 a.m.

Mat Diablo requested that neither Carlos nor Mahoney mention kickball until 7:15.

Mahoney said that idea was “gay.” When Mat asked why, Mahoney said he’d tell him at 7:15.

 

Mat was utterly delighted by the new NFL commercial featuring a song by Morrissey. Mahoney was utterly disgusted.

Sammi the Intern was, again, berated for donning Chicago Bears apparel in Chargers territory. She was told that if she dare wear anything Bears to the Chargers Pep Rally at the High Dive this evening, she would be hanging from the ceiling next to the Panthers pinata.

 

6 a.m.

Drunk Dial Line!

Included:

“We need to play beer pong, but you guys suck”; a douche left a girl at the bar; an Atreyu request; Fatty respects natives; a recon man ran to Mexico to “rehydrate” PB; we’re better than depressed people on 105.3; Mahoney is the king of 91X; a long list of expletives made it to the hall of fame; Mahoney is not just gay, but San Francisco gay; and a marijuana song made it into the hall of fame as well.

 

What’s on the Internet? http://www.thuleroadtrip.com/

 

Fatty called in to propose a Man Date. He will be allowed back into the casino in Anza on October 5, and wants 91X to join him in the celebration.

 

Things we learned from the conversation with Fatty:

He would suck a lot of inappropriate things if he could get paid for it.

The mayor of Anza is a goat named Opie.

A man sits on a red couch at the entrance to Anza and welcomes all passersby.

Fatty slept with a bearded woman.

 

7 a.m.

Kickball Recap

Team 2 Balls 1 Cup demolished team BAMF 12-0.

Mat, always a gracious winner, was disappointed in the poor sportsmanship of team BAMF– Mahoney and Carlos in particular.

He brought some special guests on the phone to talk about the games.

Ruggy explained what Mahoney was wearing–picture Ben Stiller’s character in Dodgeball if he were sponsored by Under Armor– while the rest of the team wore their designated purple jerseys.

Mat and Ruggy called out Carlos and Mahoney on all the trash talking they have been doing lately (and did not even come close to living up to.) But Carlos, in a delusional fit, kept claiming that his team won.

Team BAMF was renamed team Balls Are My Favorite.

Mat named Sammi the MVP for her performance and her good attitude. (She kicked the ball so hard her shoe flew off.)

He then pointed out that the problem with the team dynamic (or lack thereof) of team BAMF stems from the fact that their coach threatened to kill himself, and the manager claims to be the only good player on the team.

Ruggy agreed, Mahoney exploded.

Mahoney’s tantrum was a manic mix of poor sportsmanship, uproarious nonsense, and just good ol’ fashioned stubborn douchebaggery.

 

Sammi reluctantly revealed that she doesn’t like herself nor her teammates being represented by such poor sports. She told Carlos and Mahoney to learn their lessons, stop talking trash (i.e. shut the F up), and learn what they can from the veteran players.

Mahoney kicked her off the team immediately.

 

Pop Trash: Jamie Lynn Spears custody battle, other Spears will open VMAs, and Lohan declines Playboy offer.

 

 

8 a.m.

Ruggy came in to help you get your yelp on during happy hour around San Diego!

Where to get your early evening eat and drink on:

South Beach Bar and Grill in OB: Cheap food and drink, including the best fish tacos in town and root beer schnapps!

Wine Stealsin Point Loma: Sophisticated fun!

Costa Brava in PB: Tapas and sangria galore!

 

Where to get your event on:

ASR downtown

The 91X and Frightening Lightning Pep Rally @ the High Dive

Bob Dylan @ Qualcomm Concerts on the Green

Super Diamond @ Belly Up

Transfer @ Casbah

Fing @ Ken Club

Slightly Stoopid and Pepper @ OAT

Unwritten Law @ Wavehouse

John Lee Hooker JR @ Humphrey’s

CHARGERS GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

As usual, check out yelp.com to fill your social calendar with all the best that San Diego has to offer.

 

9 a.m.

You need to see this.

 

SPECIAL GUEST!

Mat and Mahoney spoke to Dan Stupp from MMA Junkie about the match-ups included in this weekend’s UFC 88.

 Mat snuck in a question about sportsmanship to prove what an ass Mahoney was being about the kickball game.

Stupp said that, from his experience, trash talking is usually reserved for those who know they are lacking the talent and skill actually necessary for the job at hand (or foot, in Mahoney’s case. Hi ho.)

Stupp agreed that Dan Henderson (local boy and guest on yesterday’s show) will definitely take his fight on Saturday.

Other picks included Franklin over Hamill, and Liddell over Evans. Mahoney agreed, and became enamored with Stupp. He spent the remainder of the interview with his lips affixed to Stupp’s underside.

 

ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Miles from Slightly Stoopid called in to talk about Saturday’s stop on the Tailgate 2008 Tour with Pepper and The Expendables at the SDSU Open Air Theater.

 

More Pop Trash: New Ghostbusters flick, Underwood calls Simpson fat, and see Slacker Uprising for free.

 

Carlos thanked Mat Diablo for teaching him humility.

Sammi thanked Mahoney for releasing her from Team BAMF as she’ll be better off as a free agent. She also thanked the bearded lady Fatty was talking about.

Mat and Mahoney thanked Opie, the goat mayor of Anza.

 

Holla back, marijuana.

 

-SS

5:30 a.m.

Mat Diablo returned from his Canadian excursion bearing gifts for all. He predicted that Sammi the Intern would be the most thrilled about her new knick-knacks, but told her that she would have to wait until later in the show to receive them.

Carlos shared that Sammi the Intern returned with a new tattoo. A giant sunflower on the top, right corner of her chest with script that reads, “Goodbye blue Monday.” Mat is the only one who got the reference, as he introduced her to the book it comes from earlier in the summer.

 

Devotees will recall that Mat and Ruggy play for the City League kickball team 2 Balls 1 Cup. Mahoney and Carlos, distraught from being excluded from the friendly neighborhood activity, set up a team of their own for the new season. Other players on the new franchise include Sammi the Intern, Rowley and Preston from Loudspeaker SD, and a slew of fellow 91Xers.

 

Mat predicted that Mahoney would take the entire season too seriously. Mahoney called Mat out for his passive aggressive trash talk.

Much more on this as the season unfolds…

 

6 a.m.

Drunk Dial Line!

Included:

“Is this 911? Is this 911? Please, there’s a crack in my butt.”; creepy James Lipton revealed that Mahoney is into beastiality; Mat is somehow responsible for someone’s girlfriend passing out; Fatty was shrooming with Cassy, Jacob, Seamus, Merrum, some dude they call number one, Butthole, Bin Leash and a schmoggle; another Anza resident dissed Fatty, but gave a shout out to Native Americans; “what what in by butt”; “Who the hell is Steve West? He sounds like my Grandpa.”; Fatty is not allowed back into the Anza casino until October 5; Carlos is a base hit, whatever that means; and an OB native weighed in on the vice presidential candidates (in a stoner, alcoholic, OB way) who provided the show’s new sign off, “Hollaback, marijuana.”

 

What’s on the Internet? http://vpilf.com/

 

Call it a Man Date, call it a party, WHATEVER!

This Friday at the High Dive, join the 91X Morning Show from 5 to 7 p.m. for a Chargers pep rally to start the season off right!

Get housed and feast on the newest menu item (Carlos’ balls) in the company of the Chargers girls!

 

7 a.m.

As Mat and Mahoney discussed their vlogs, Carlos was butt-hurt because he has never made one. His roommate doesn’t allow him to use the computer after 8 p.m. following an uncomfortable incident with questionable web material.

Diddy’s new vlog entitled, Gas Prices Are Too Mutha-fuckin’ High, describes the plight of his flight as he is forced to fly a commercial airline because he can’t afford gas for his jet. 

Mat’s favorite part was Diddy’s reason for flying so often:

 ”I’ve been having to fly back and forth to LA pursuing my acting career.”

 

After Diddy scoffed at the fact that he was on American Airlines (gasp), he gave a shout-out to his Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters.

Then he asked them (politely) to send him some oil for his jet.

 

Mat announced that the new sensation– A Fat Guy, A Baby, and Someone With Cancer– was just added to the Street Scene lineup.

 

 Pop Trash: Moore under fire after douchebag comment, man arrested for stealing Prince William pics, Ed McMahon’s house up for sale again, Fatone speaks out for Timberlake, Helen Mirren loves cocaine, and Hartnett accidentally stars in sex tape.

 

Mahoney said that Preston, the self-loathing muscle from Loudspeaker SD, is the only person at the station who makes him feel good about himself. It was the most depressing insult Preston will ever hear.

 

Mat gave Jackie from Chula Vista a pair of tickets to the Saturday edition of 2008 Street Scene.

 

8 a.m.

A listener emailed Mat to let him know that A Fat Guy, A Baby, and Someone With Cancer is playing with Tabernacle this Saturday at noon at the Imperial Beach Lion’s Club.

 

Mat claimed that Vancouver is the second-best city in North America. He was absolutely smitten with the city as it was he and his wife’s first vacation in two years that didn’t involve family, work, weddings, or radio.

Mat’s big accomplishments of the week: relaxation, hotel sex, and making it back across the American border.

Mahoney’s stay-cation accomplishments: he beat the video game Bioshock in three days, attended his first Charger game, and met a girl.

Although pleased that he met a ladyfriend, Mat marred it by pointing out that once again Mahoney is dating a she-version of Mat.

Can you say repressed man-crush?

 

Mahoney realized that this is the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with after she drank too much, passed out, woke up in her underwear and forgot Mahoney was even there. Ahh, young love.

 

And now for…

the presentation of gifts.

As per usual, when any member of the 91X Morning Show flees the city (s)he returns with trinkets for the rest of the crew.

Mat brought Mookie ”Mazel Tov” maracas– blue and white maracas with the star of David printed on them. He thought it was the perfect hybrid toy for all of the Jews in Southern California.

Sammi the Intern received a tote bag with a happy piece of bacon with his arm around his happy egg friend. Inside was a praying mantis glider, a Jesus-shaped nightlight to remind her of the pristine life she should be living, a Canadian flag and four glass eyeballs used on taxidermy animals.

Carlos received a pennant that said, “Bacon!”, a Canadian bumper sticker, and a dinosaur glider. The best part of the gift bundle was a mug that said “Carl,” since there are no Mexicans in Canada and nothing said Carlos.

Mahoney got a pennant that said, “Despair!” and a fine Cuban cigar.

Mahoney got Mat a Del Mar hat that they had gotten for free a few weeks ago and all seven King’s Quest games. (Nerds.)

 

9 a.m.

Pop Trash: Don LaFontaine passes away, Lindsay Lohan dedicated a song to Samantha Ronson, and Mahoney’s mom has the hots for Prince William.

 

Sammi the Intern thanked a fat guy, a baby, and someone with cancer.

Carlos thanked Mat for giving him a Carl mug.

Mahoney thanked Fatty.

 

Hollaback, marijuana.

 

-SS

5:30 a.m.

Mat Diablo and Sammi the Intern had to start the show alone as a tumbleweed danced through the deserted hallways of Finest City Broadcasting.

Mat was able to get a hold of Carlos five minutes before the show began and, although he was asleep all the way up in Solana Beach, he was on his way to the studio.

Mahoney, however, was completely M.I.A.

Since Mat had better things to do than repeatedly call Mahoney (i.e. host the show), he enlisted thehelp of the listeners of the 91X Morning Show to do so. After an ethical dilemma and consulting with numerous callers, Mat decided to reveal Mahoney’s cell phone number over the air– the very same punishment that Carlos had previously received. Sammi had suggested he give out his address, instead, to make the wake-up call live.

Mahoney was not pleased.

 

6 a.m.

Christy Taylor’s birthday party is what brought the 91X Morning Show to PB last night. While Mahoney and Preston made it to the party, Mat and Carlos refused to wait in such a ridiculous line at Moondoggie’s.

So Mat wanted to know what the hell happened last night that prohibited Mahoney from waking up and coming into work.

In a far-less-than-enthralling recap, his phone died.

When he turned it on again this morning, he had 80 missed calls and 77 text messages. Again, he was not pleased.

 

Drunk Dial Line!

Included:

Mat got Diablo’d in Spanish; another Imagination Song remix, “I’m on vacaaation…”; the guy from the future called to tell us that he has a message to deliver through 91X over the weekend; Carlos’ future wife called to tell him she will give him all the shampoo and conditioner in the world; a love-hate relationship with us; “Hey, answering maching, f*ck off!”; “Hi, I’m drunk and I want to bang bitches.”; someone who hates Adam Carolle (?) and B-rock Obama; someone waiting for his Breakfast Jack; Morrissey guy checked in; a guy was drunk enough to propose to his girlfriend and she was so excited she threw up all over him–he blamed beer for breakfast; and a birthday song for Christy.

 

7 a.m.

Mat didn’t want to give $1500 Premeir Club Pepsi 500 Nascar Nextel Cup tickets to any fair-weathered fans, hence

THE NASCAR RODEO!

The game: two contestants who are knowledgable in the world of Nascar would take one another on round robin style to name as many current drivers as they possibly can.

Samantha and Sean went head-to-head, back and forth for six rounds until Sean could name no more.

He should have known better than to take on a lil’ lady from Lakeside!

 

Pop Trash: Seinfeld to appear in Microsoft spots, Clooney buys new car for chick after a smash-up, Phelps makes out with Aussie swimmer, and rehab center linked to Dr. Drew investigated.

 

8 a.m.

Ruggy came in to help you Get Your Yelp On at patios and rooftops around San Diego!

Starlite on India: try the Starlite Mule and ask to be seated outside!

J Six on J Street: great rooftop Padres pre-party!

PECS on University and Georgia: happy hour from noon-8 p.m. daily!

Also: Triple Crown, Moonstone Lounge, South Beach Bar and Girll in OB, Wine Steals and Shakespeare’s Pub!

 

Where to get your event on:

Frank Black @ Del Mar

Broken Social Scene @ HOB

Joy Division night @ Tractor Room

Under the Influence of Giants @ Beauty Bar

Dave Matthews @ Cricket Wireless

SoCo Music Experience with Shark Attack, Buddy Akai, Kinky, the Black Keys and Common downtown

Hell on Heels burlesque @ Belly Up

A Hard Day’s Night @ Cinema Under the Stars

The Surf Dog Surf-a-Thon clinic @ Del Mar Beach

The Stay Classy End of Summer Fire Run from La Jolla to PB

Pink pancake breakfast hosted by Boobs on the Move in Del Mar

Lemon AID stand @ Bite in Hillcrest

As usual, check out yelp.com to fill your social calendar with all the best that San Diego has to offer.

 

Fatty called in live from Anza to brag about his brand new job at WalMart. With the aid of someone else’s urine, he peed his way past the drug test into the American workforce.

 

9 a.m.

Mat said that at the Wake and Bake Man Date, Carlos’ wet hair blowing in the wind on the boat made him look like one of the douches on the cover of a harlequin romance novel.

 

Mat replayed the birthday song the guys wrote and sang as a birthday present for Christy Taylor yesterday, in case you missed it!

 

More Pop Trash: Ryder ridin’ Green.

 

Steve West stole a gift intended for Mat. He then claimed it as his own, opened it, and ate it in front of him.

 

Carlos thanked Mahoney for showin’ up late.

Sammi thanked whoever it was that lent Fatty their urine so that he could get a job at WalMart.

Mahoney thanked the 121 people that called and texted him this morning.

Mat thanked Christy Taylor for being alive.

Steve West thanked Mat for the gift.

 

-SS

 

5:30 a.m.

Mahoney was pissed at abusers of the Drunk Dial Line. 

He tried to check it last night around 11 in preparation for this morning’s show, but it was busy for an entire hour before he gave up. It was so frustrating sifting through painfully tedious messages from the same two dialers to get to the good stuff that Mahoney began to resent the public service in its entirety.

 

6 a.m.

Two callers, Mike and Lily, were both at the 3 a.m. screening of The Dark Knight. The projector cut out halfway through the screening; rage ensued.

Lily, a stripper/friend of the 91X Morning Show, tried to incite a riot and rally the underpaid workers.

Her friend just asked, “Wait, is that the end?”

 

Mahoney’s new pick-up line is, “I don’t have any friends.”

 

Drunk Dial Line!

Joel and Benji Madden have a triplet named Mat Diablo.

Redneck hatred.

Someone said to YouTube ‘San Diego dry hump.’

Someone finally used the DDL for its intended purpose.

Fatty likes ’shmoggles.’ Fatty does not like ’schmiglets.’

Mahoney’s balls called and begged him to play with them.

“Carlos Montoya, you are a biiiiitch.”

 

What’s on the Internet? http://www.couchsurfing.com/

 

Moose, a dreadlocked friend of the 91X Morning Show, auditioned on air to be the official morning show handicapper. He gave expert advice about who to bet on and how to bet on them at today’s first installment of 4 O’ Clock Fridays at the racetrack.

And then he added, “But you should never listen to a word I say.”

 

7 a.m. 

Nothing makes Mat more excited than when a celebrity discovers the Internet. Its like when your parents do.

A new company, GotVmail, decided to pay Gary Busey to babble about the company. Mat pointed out that in between his incoherent rambles, Busey is definitely wheezing.

Nothing sells a product like the indiscriminate sounds of an old crazy man having trouble breathing as he dispenses psycho-sage-like advice about nothing in particular.

“When life cracks your head, use a helmet.”

 

They also played audio from the former Comedy Central show I’m With Busey.

 

“Why are there always people screaming in the background when Gary Busey around?”

 

Mahoney’s penis called in to ask what the hell they were all talking about.

Check out some classic Busey here!

 

Pop Trash: Shreveport’s finest tase actors, Emmy nod for Silverman, Denise denied, Aniston’s monthy spending spree, and KD Lang is a chick?

 

Mat and Ruggy’s kickball team, 2 Balls 1 Cup, was shut out by the tutu-adorned The Pink Tacos in a completely emasculating and pathetic moment in the history of athletics. Epic fail.

 Mat’s performance was so bleak that he ended up benching himself.

 

8 a.m.

Ruggy came in to help you Get Your Yelp On in Del Mar in honor of the first installment of 4 O’ Clock Fridays today!

 

Where to get your Del Mar meal on:

En Fuego: Cougars galore!

Market: Sushi while you wait!

Brigantine: Swordfish tacos, but no peg-legged men.

Pizza Port: Drunk chicks and damn good pizza! 

Surf ‘N Saddle: Hot dudes serving drinks!

 

Where to get your event on:

San Diego Pride Party and Parade on University and Balboa Park

Pride Party at Tractor Room

The “Blow Him Away” fellatio and lap dance workshop at an undisclosed location

 

Where to get your groove on:

4 O’ Clock Friday with Gwen Stefani’s husband

The Dan Band @ House of Blues

Junkie XL @ Montage

Grand Ole Party@ The Casbah

The Sess @ Beauty Bar

 

Mat’s favorite Yelp thread of the week: “What makes homeless people horny?”

Visit Yelp.com for the list!

 

In other Yelp news, the 91X Morning Show is down another half a star. 2 stars. Ouch.

 

Mat announced that the Black Banana Cougars are opening for Homosexual Divorce at the racetrack for 4 O’ Clock Fridays.

 

Ruggy compared the Drunk Dial Line to a rainbow exploding from his penis.

 

9 a.m.

Mahoney’s balls called out the imposter balls that made an appearance on the drunk dial line. Then they fell down a well.

 

Carlos thanked Fatty for teaching him two new words: ’shmoggles’ and ’schmiglets.’ 

Sammi the Intern thanked Mat for missing band practice even though he and his brothers, Benji and Joel, have a show on Sunday.

Mahoney thanked Lily the stripper and the girl who offered him a place to sleep in PB when he’s drunk.

Mat thanked Lily the stripper’s friend that thought the movie had ended when the projector cut out an hour and a half into the flick.

 

-SS