91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

5:30 a.m.

Mahoney was pissed at abusers of the Drunk Dial Line. 

He tried to check it last night around 11 in preparation for this morning’s show, but it was busy for an entire hour before he gave up. It was so frustrating sifting through painfully tedious messages from the same two dialers to get to the good stuff that Mahoney began to resent the public service in its entirety.

 

6 a.m.

Two callers, Mike and Lily, were both at the 3 a.m. screening of The Dark Knight. The projector cut out halfway through the screening; rage ensued.

Lily, a stripper/friend of the 91X Morning Show, tried to incite a riot and rally the underpaid workers.

Her friend just asked, “Wait, is that the end?”

 

Mahoney’s new pick-up line is, “I don’t have any friends.”

 

Drunk Dial Line!

Joel and Benji Madden have a triplet named Mat Diablo.

Redneck hatred.

Someone said to YouTube ‘San Diego dry hump.’

Someone finally used the DDL for its intended purpose.

Fatty likes ’shmoggles.’ Fatty does not like ’schmiglets.’

Mahoney’s balls called and begged him to play with them.

“Carlos Montoya, you are a biiiiitch.”

 

What’s on the Internet? http://www.couchsurfing.com/

 

Moose, a dreadlocked friend of the 91X Morning Show, auditioned on air to be the official morning show handicapper. He gave expert advice about who to bet on and how to bet on them at today’s first installment of 4 O’ Clock Fridays at the racetrack.

And then he added, “But you should never listen to a word I say.”

 

7 a.m. 

Nothing makes Mat more excited than when a celebrity discovers the Internet. Its like when your parents do.

A new company, GotVmail, decided to pay Gary Busey to babble about the company. Mat pointed out that in between his incoherent rambles, Busey is definitely wheezing.

Nothing sells a product like the indiscriminate sounds of an old crazy man having trouble breathing as he dispenses psycho-sage-like advice about nothing in particular.

“When life cracks your head, use a helmet.”

 

They also played audio from the former Comedy Central show I’m With Busey.

 

“Why are there always people screaming in the background when Gary Busey around?”

 

Mahoney’s penis called in to ask what the hell they were all talking about.

Check out some classic Busey here!

 

Pop Trash: Shreveport’s finest tase actors, Emmy nod for Silverman, Denise denied, Aniston’s monthy spending spree, and KD Lang is a chick?

 

Mat and Ruggy’s kickball team, 2 Balls 1 Cup, was shut out by the tutu-adorned The Pink Tacos in a completely emasculating and pathetic moment in the history of athletics. Epic fail.

 Mat’s performance was so bleak that he ended up benching himself.

 

8 a.m.

Ruggy came in to help you Get Your Yelp On in Del Mar in honor of the first installment of 4 O’ Clock Fridays today!

 

Where to get your Del Mar meal on:

En Fuego: Cougars galore!

Market: Sushi while you wait!

Brigantine: Swordfish tacos, but no peg-legged men.

Pizza Port: Drunk chicks and damn good pizza! 

Surf ‘N Saddle: Hot dudes serving drinks!

 

Where to get your event on:

San Diego Pride Party and Parade on University and Balboa Park

Pride Party at Tractor Room

The “Blow Him Away” fellatio and lap dance workshop at an undisclosed location

 

Where to get your groove on:

4 O’ Clock Friday with Gwen Stefani’s husband

The Dan Band @ House of Blues

Junkie XL @ Montage

Grand Ole Party@ The Casbah

The Sess @ Beauty Bar

 

Mat’s favorite Yelp thread of the week: “What makes homeless people horny?”

Visit Yelp.com for the list!

 

In other Yelp news, the 91X Morning Show is down another half a star. 2 stars. Ouch.

 

Mat announced that the Black Banana Cougars are opening for Homosexual Divorce at the racetrack for 4 O’ Clock Fridays.

 

Ruggy compared the Drunk Dial Line to a rainbow exploding from his penis.

 

9 a.m.

Mahoney’s balls called out the imposter balls that made an appearance on the drunk dial line. Then they fell down a well.

 

Carlos thanked Fatty for teaching him two new words: ’shmoggles’ and ’schmiglets.’ 

Sammi the Intern thanked Mat for missing band practice even though he and his brothers, Benji and Joel, have a show on Sunday.

Mahoney thanked Lily the stripper and the girl who offered him a place to sleep in PB when he’s drunk.

Mat thanked Lily the stripper’s friend that thought the movie had ended when the projector cut out an hour and a half into the flick.

 

-SS