91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

5:30 a.m

Mat is an ass. It’s Bunk Bed Friday.

6 a.m.

DRUNK DIAL LINE!

Included:

Another victim of Love Hurts; Mat Diablo is hot; Informative Cookie Monster taught us about Abba Zabba; an Indian leprechaun is slappin’ da bass; Hank Hill wants Carlos to cut his hair; Rick James; Carlos is smarter than a Mexican graduate from Cal; too drunk to feel his dick; and Ruben Galvan is a national treasure.

What’s on the Internet?

Sammi’s contributions:

http://www.jellotime.com/

and

http://www.jellogallery.org/

and Mat’s:

http://justinelai.com/

THE 91X MORNING SHOW 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

Join us next Friday morning at the 7 10 Beach Club in PB for a FREE party honoring our first year on the air!

Can you believe it!?

Performances by Asher Roth and Iglu & Hartley will provide the soundtrack for a day of drunken celebration.

7 a.m.

Mario the Mexican Morrissey Fan recapped American Idol in 91 seconds.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Lou Ferrigno called in to talk about… stuff.

Fun facts we plucked from the awkwardness and present to you:

San Diego Comic Con is his favorite show of the year.

He really does have a statue of himself, although its smaller than the one in ‘I Love You, Man.’

He is NOT on Twitter because sometimes he has silly fans and doesn’t like the negativity.

He continues his carrer with motivational speaking and comedy.

He thinks no drugs are good for you, and HGH is no different.

The Incredible Lou Ferrigno.

Pop Trash: Paris Hilton gets proposed to, Earth Hour, Robert Pattison smells, and Padma Lakshmi does Carl’s Jr. commercial.

8 a.m.

GET YOUR YELP ON

with Ruggy!

Ruggy came in to help you get your yelp on at NEW PLACES around San Diego!

Where to get your debut on:

ALCHEMY in South Park: HUGE on mixology!

MUZITA in University Heights: Fancy Ethiopian food!

FRANKIE THE BULL’S BBQ in Linda Vista: Former Top Chef Contestant!

Where to get your event on:

Pint Night with Coronado Brewery @ Live Wire

Alternative Happy Hour @ Centro Cultural De la Raza in Balboa Park

Shark Attack @ On Broadway

Brett Dennen @ HOB

Mr. Tube and the Flying Objects @ Bar Pink

Earthless @ Casbah

Circa Now @ Ken Club

Bacon Brothers @ Hard Rock

South Park Walkabout

IndieFest V in North Park

Vince Vaughn Late Night Happy Hour @ Tractor Room

Walk the Walk Presents… in North Park

The Knee Highs @ Porter’s Pub UCSD

Which One’s Pink @ HOB

Hotel St. George @ Office Bar

Biohazard @ Canes

As usual, check out yelp.com to fill your social calendar with all the best that San Diego has to offer.

MORE DRUNK DIAL LINE!

Added:

We are all winners: we won the sperm-to-egg race.

9 a.m.

HOW’S YOUR MUTHA!

Cody’s bad luck has led to his parents catching him in the act a few times recently. He has, until today, avoided knowing about their sex life.

Cody confronted his mother, Kristen, using the “rip-the-band-aid-right-off” method to just ask her, straight up, when the last time her and his dad had sex.

Cody guessed it was Sunday, his dad’s frist day off in a week. It was Monday.

Thus, he won a Mountain High season pass.

When asked the last time Cody had sex, Kristen didn’t even want to guess. She vaguely mumbled that it was in the last three months. He said, “More than you know,” so she grounded him. 

Another touching family moment brought to you by the 91X Morning Show.

The guys love to reward the brand of awkward courage it takes to interrogate one’s mother about her sex life, so tune in until the next edition of…

HOW’S YOUR MUTHA!

More Pop Trash: Flo Rida wanted for killing a rabbit, T.I. sentenced to a year and a day, Shane McConky died, and Madonna adopts again.

WHAT DID YOU LEARN TODAY?

Lessons learned: Carlos ruled ass; Lou Ferrigno should not be allowed to talk, he should just turn green; and Mat learned quite a bit about bunk beds.

Carlos thanked Hot Pockets.

Preston thanked Mat’s medium-sized Motorhead shirt.

Sammi thanked Abba Zabba.

Mat thanked Lou Ferrigno and bunk beds.

Hollaback, marijuana.

-SS

 

 Standard Podcast: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

 

 Get Your Yelp On: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

 

 Drunk Dial: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

5:30 a.m.

Mat Diablo revealed that he turned one of his ex-girlfriends into a lesbian Scientologist who cut off all her hair, stopped wearing makeup and bought a Subaru.

How she told him:

“Hey, I’m munchin’.”

6 a.m.

Drunk Dial Line!

Included:

Boxing challenge for Mahoney; lunch ladies and man parts; Mahoney’s sex life; “Play Slightly Stoopid for the 50th time in an hour”; a pleased man says good morning; the Stoned and Connected With the Universe Dial Line; boobie lover; douchebag; and ”Denver Broncos, tell me how my ass tastes.”

When Mahoney got a little antsy in his pantsy, Carlos used a conch to summon the Mission Valley Sex Yeti. Mat heard her running down the freeway yelling, “A woman’s work is never done!”

What’s on the Internet? http://www.morecowbell.dj/

Mat had to give Sammi the Intern a Steely Dan Alarm Clock. Twice. He asked if she would prefer a Van Halen Eruption Alarm Clock. (No.)

 7 a.m.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Curtis Jackson, who you may know as 50 Cent, called in to talk about his new film with Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino, Righteous Kill, that opens today.

He described the flick as a gritty and smart psychological thriller.

To prepare for the role and avoid the intimidation that would inherently occur around Pacino and DeNiro, Jackson added an acting coach to his entourage.

Essentially, though, Mat and Mahoney had no idea what he was talking about throughout the entire interview.

Mahoney’s mom surprised him in the studio at the end of yesterday’s show to find him drunk at 8 a.m.

Then, when they made their way to his apartment, it was a complete disaster. The family waded through a wake of beer bottles and tear-splattered tissues only to find his bed in disarray. His mom investigated the scene and knew it had to have been the mark of the elusive Mission Valley Sex Yeti.

She proceeded to question Mahoney about the Yeti’s twisted call that has been plaguing the airwaves since Monday.

Then she set him up on a date that resulted in his having to explain the purpose of Astroglide to his mother.

After hearing about Mahoney’s series of uncomfortable events, Mat wondered about the most awkward moments other people have had with their parents.

Carlos once had to kick his mom’s “guest” out. He stomped up the stairs as a warning and pounded on the door demanding she come downstairs immediately. (What a hypocrite.)

Calls included gay pride shenanigans, sex ed, vibrators, bowel movements, drunk and naked roommates, and way too many naked grandparents.

Terry was awarded Metallica tickets and a new nickname for her description of her grandfather’s junk. Mat dubbed her “Old Balls.”

Pop Trash: Anderson tells Palin to suck it and Kanye arrested in airport.

8 a.m.

Ruggy came in to help you get your yelp on at bars that open at 6 a.m.!

Where to get your early buzz on:

Captain’s Quarters in Point Loma: Salty WWI vets!

West End in PB: No drunk is too drunk at this bar!

Silver Fox in PB: Happy hour from 6-10 a.m.!

Where to get your event on:

Korean Food Week

Ratatat @ HOB

Beer Olympics @ Aubergine

Ale Smith Night @ Sea Rocket

Intense Individual Party @ The Abby

Artwalk on the Bay

This American Life listening party @ The Office Bar

Chargers @ Broncos

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club @ HOB

Lady Dottie and the Diamonds @ Handlery Hotel

Surfrider’s annual Paddle for Clean Water in OB

As usual, check out yelp.com to fill your social calendar with all the best that San Diego has to offer.

Mahoney thought he was getting paid today. When he found out pay day is Monday, it put quite a damper on his plans for the Yeti this weekend.

Mat begged on behalf of Mahoney and Carlos, “What do you do when you’re broke in San Diego?”

Ruggy had a few suggestions for a date:

Take a romantic ride in the rear of Harry O.’s pick-up.

Play frisbee golf all day for $2.50.

Take her to the Harry Krishna Temple tonight for a free vegetarian buffet.

Buy a bottle of Popov and ride the trolley all over town.

Sit outside the drive-in and watch the movie without sound.

Bring her to Ruggy’s house to watch the hot dog eating competition from the 4th of July that he has recorded.

Tony called in with a brilliant idea: host a pot luck or a party. As soon as everyone arrives with arms full of food and booze, call the cops. The people will leave, but the booty will remain.

JoAnna suggested that his lady-Yeti pay this time.

91X’s own Nasty Nate works at Hustler. He told Mahoney to bring her into the store to pick up the marked-down $5 copy of Butt Blasters 4 and a bucket of popcorn.

9 a.m.

MAN DATE (Mandate) VIII: Beer for Breakfast… Live

The most ambitious mandate yet…

To celebrate Mahoney’s most recent feat–his own IPA being brewed at Rock Bottom Brewery (!!!)–the 91X Morning Show will broadcast Beer for Breakfast live next Thursday from Rock Bottom downtown!Mahoney’s IPA will be on tap, but everyone is also invited to watch him brew it from scratch.

Oh yeah and all the other beers in the brewery are fair game, as well (!!!!!!!)

As if an entire building of delicious beer and an excuse to get drunk at 6 a.m. was not enough, here’s a few more details about next Thursday:

The 91X Morning Show Breakfast Sandwich

The Muslims live and acoustic

Cold War Kids live and acoustic (!!!)

and Street Scene ticket giveaways every 15 minutes.

So join us for a live broadcast next Thursday from 6-10 a.m. at Rock Bottom Brewery downtown!

Mat declared Steve West the Papa Bear of the morning show.

 Carlos thanked Fitty Cent and the Mission Valley Sex Yeti conch.

Sammi thanked Nasty Nate and everyone in Butt Blasters 4.

Mahoney thanked Ruggy for all of his ideas and can’t wait to watch the hot dog competition on his DVR.

Mat thanked his lesbian Scientologist ex-girlfriend for inadvertently saving him from a life of trailers and baby daddies.

-SS

 

 Standard Podcast [51:17m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

 

 Get Your Yelp On With Ruggy [14:07m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

 

 Drunnk Dial Line Sept 12 [18:33m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

5:30 a.m.

Mat Diablo requested that neither Carlos nor Mahoney mention kickball until 7:15.

Mahoney said that idea was “gay.” When Mat asked why, Mahoney said he’d tell him at 7:15.

Mat was utterly delighted by the new NFL commercial featuring a song by Morrissey. Mahoney was utterly disgusted.

Sammi the Intern was, again, berated for donning Chicago Bears apparel in Chargers territory. She was told that if she dare wear anything Bears to the Chargers Pep Rally at the High Dive this evening, she would be hanging from the ceiling next to the Panthers pinata.

6 a.m.

Drunk Dial Line!

Included:

“We need to play beer pong, but you guys suck”; a douche left a girl at the bar; an Atreyu request; Fatty respects natives; a recon man ran to Mexico to “rehydrate” PB; we’re better than depressed people on 105.3; Mahoney is the king of 91X; a long list of expletives made it to the hall of fame; Mahoney is not just gay, but San Francisco gay; and a marijuana song made it into the hall of fame as well.

What’s on the Internet? http://www.thuleroadtrip.com/

Fatty called in to propose a Man Date. He will be allowed back into the casino in Anza on October 5, and wants 91X to join him in the celebration.

Things we learned from the conversation with Fatty:

He would suck a lot of inappropriate things if he could get paid for it.

The mayor of Anza is a goat named Opie.

A man sits on a red couch at the entrance to Anza and welcomes all passersby.

Fatty slept with a bearded woman.

7 a.m.

Kickball Recap

Team 2 Balls 1 Cup demolished team BAMF 12-0.

Mat, always a gracious winner, was disappointed in the poor sportsmanship of team BAMF– Mahoney and Carlos in particular.

He brought some special guests on the phone to talk about the games.

Ruggy explained what Mahoney was wearing–picture Ben Stiller’s character in Dodgeball if he were sponsored by Under Armor– while the rest of the team wore their designated purple jerseys.

Mat and Ruggy called out Carlos and Mahoney on all the trash talking they have been doing lately (and did not even come close to living up to.) But Carlos, in a delusional fit, kept claiming that his team won.

Team BAMF was renamed team Balls Are My Favorite.

Mat named Sammi the MVP for her performance and her good attitude. (She kicked the ball so hard her shoe flew off.)

He then pointed out that the problem with the team dynamic (or lack thereof) of team BAMF stems from the fact that their coach threatened to kill himself, and the manager claims to be the only good player on the team.

Ruggy agreed, Mahoney exploded.

Mahoney’s tantrum was a manic mix of poor sportsmanship, uproarious nonsense, and just good ol’ fashioned stubborn douchebaggery.

Sammi reluctantly revealed that she doesn’t like herself nor her teammates being represented by such poor sports. She told Carlos and Mahoney to learn their lessons, stop talking trash (i.e. shut the F up), and learn what they can from the veteran players.

Mahoney kicked her off the team immediately.

Pop Trash: Jamie Lynn Spears custody battle, other Spears will open VMAs, and Lohan declines Playboy offer.

8 a.m.

Ruggy came in to help you get your yelp on during happy hour around San Diego!

Where to get your early evening eat and drink on:

South Beach Bar and Grill in OB: Cheap food and drink, including the best fish tacos in town and root beer schnapps!

Wine Stealsin Point Loma: Sophisticated fun!

Costa Brava in PB: Tapas and sangria galore!

Where to get your event on:

ASR downtown

The 91X and Frightening Lightning Pep Rally @ the High Dive

Bob Dylan @ Qualcomm Concerts on the Green

Super Diamond @ Belly Up

Transfer @ Casbah

Fing @ Ken Club

Slightly Stoopid and Pepper @ OAT

Unwritten Law @ Wavehouse

John Lee Hooker JR @ Humphrey’s

CHARGERS GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As usual, check out yelp.com to fill your social calendar with all the best that San Diego has to offer.

9 a.m.

You need to see this.

SPECIAL GUEST!

Mat and Mahoney spoke to Dan Stupp from MMA Junkie about the match-ups included in this weekend’s UFC 88.

 Mat snuck in a question about sportsmanship to prove what an ass Mahoney was being about the kickball game.

Stupp said that, from his experience, trash talking is usually reserved for those who know they are lacking the talent and skill actually necessary for the job at hand (or foot, in Mahoney’s case. Hi ho.)

Stupp agreed that Dan Henderson (local boy and guest on yesterday’s show) will definitely take his fight on Saturday.

Other picks included Franklin over Hamill, and Liddell over Evans. Mahoney agreed, and became enamored with Stupp. He spent the remainder of the interview with his lips affixed to Stupp’s underside.

ANOTHER SPECIAL GUEST!

Miles from Slightly Stoopid called in to talk about Saturday’s stop on the Tailgate 2008 Tour with Pepper and The Expendables at the SDSU Open Air Theater.

More Pop Trash: New Ghostbusters flick, Underwood calls Simpson fat, and see Slacker Uprising for free.

Carlos thanked Mat Diablo for teaching him humility.

Sammi thanked Mahoney for releasing her from Team BAMF as she’ll be better off as a free agent. She also thanked the bearded lady Fatty was talking about.

Mat and Mahoney thanked Opie, the goat mayor of Anza.

Holla back, marijuana.

-SS

 

 Standard Podcast [33:59m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

5:30 a.m.

There has not been one day this week that the entire morning show has been on time.

Carlos was late for the second time this week and was not answering his phone. As punishment, Mat Diablo gave his cell phone number out on air. All of a sudden Sammi the Intern didn’t feel so bad about the Steely Dan Alarm Clock as it is not nearly as bad as the Compulsive Listener Constant Alarm Clock.

6 a.m.

When Carlos finally arrived he had 54 wake-up calls and an infinite amount of text messages. He certainly got Diablo’d.

Drunk Dial Line!

The Coalition to Bring Back Drunken Fatty called, then drunken Fatty miraculously returned.

Requests for sweet, sweet sax and 80s pop.

Someone who had been antiqued by Carlos called to promise revenge.

Fatty, in bed with a schmoggle.

Imaginaaaaaaaatioooooon.

A drunk chick from Vegas.

A PSA to warn the masses of the Beer Pong Herpes Outbreak.

 What’s on the Internet? http://totallyradshow.com/

 7 a.m.

At 7:10, Junior Seau was the first professional athlete to get Diablo’d after a zinger from Carlos.

Moose, handicapper to the stars, called in his picks for today’s races!

6th Race

1st: Little Boss Chick

2nd: Morning Frost

3rd: Unusually Hot

Moose said to put a dollar down on an exact-a-bet.

7th Race

1st: Lang Field

2nd: Dark Islander

3rd: All Man

Moose also said to bet against Awesome Jim, and play the three horses in an exact-a-box .

8th Race

1st: Lord Albion

2nd: Jamie

3rd: Smuggling Ado

“The name’s Moose, not Moses, so don’t listen to a word I say.”

“I can’t afford to live in a van, gas is too expensive.”

Carlos was already wearing a tie in preparation for the Mandate. So when he announced that he didn’t own one, Mat was confused. Carlos explained that he had to borrow one from Sammi.

Then it came out that Mahoney has his dad tie all of his ties, and keeps them knotted so he can just slip them on and off.

Pop Trash: Bale begs for privacy, Jolie and Pitt used IVF, Brooke doesn’t know sh*t, MTV doin’ the Time Warp again, CGI pubes, and Dustin Diamond writes about the bell.

A.C. Slater’s penis has dimples.

8 a.m.

Mahoney uncharacteristically made a high-minded reference at 8:12.

Ruggy came in to help you Get Your Yelp On during Comic Con weekend!

Where to get your “no dress code” on:

Basic: Connecticut style pizza, no cover, dogs allowed!

Fleetwood: Very chill, very good food, and two DJ rooms!

La Puerta: Mexican food until 1 a.m., free appetizer if you’re wearing a costume, and 100 types of tequila!

Where to get your event on:

Comic Con downtown

4 O’ Clock Fridays with Super Diamond

Cash’d Out @ The Ramona Theater

Bare Essentials Grand Opening @ UTC

The Aquabats @ HOB

Burlesque Show @ Brick by Brick

The Shining (midnight movie) @ The Ken Theater

Shark Attack & others for Jeepers (Comic Con after-party) @ 4th and B

Annual Record Show in Hillcrest

STP, Wolfmother, and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club @ Qualcomm Concerts on the Green

Coheed and Cambria @ Viejas

Everyone has that one great story; the one you tell time after time at parties and dinners, that is so ridiculous and unbelievable there is no way it could have been made up.

Today’s winner of sold-out Comic Con tickets was Angela who sent in this amazing tale:

A group of my girlfriends made plans to go to the “Thunder from Down Under” show in Vegas several years ago. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend the show but I was able to get all of the details.

The girls were sitting in the front row and throughout the show, several dancers entered the crowd and danced with various women. One dancer came up to one of my girlfriends and proceeded to gyrate in her face, wearing only a thong might I add. The evening was a blast and a great time was had by all.

However, about two days later my girlfriend noticed one of her eyes was red and swollen and proceeded to get worse. Upon seeing her doctor she was advised that her eye was infected because of a foreign object. That foreign object was a crab that apparently had been flung into her eye by the gyrating dancer.

I don’t know if there is a moral to this story other than maybe you should wear goggles when attending a male stripper show in Vegas.

There you have it, folks! A week’s worth of Comic-Con-worthy tales culminated with this installment of

the Greatest Story Ever Told.

9 a.m.

Alex, Dan, and Jeff from the Totally Rad Show came into the studio to talk about their plans for Comic Con this weekend.

Unfortunately, they forgot all the free swag they had to give away this evening and had to send Steve (the manservant) back to homebase to retrieve it.

“Steve is the glue that holds the show together.”

For the uninitiated, TRS is a jack-of-all-trades discussion-type show; the guys review and discuss movies, TV shows, video games and comics. Jeff described it as, “The View for dudes with awesome stuff.”

Essentially they just drink beer and talk about pop culture. (Hey, that’s what we do!)

Their excitement for the pan-Geek extravaganza was apparent in their demeanor and tone. Then Jeff and Mahoney talked about The Shield for five minutes.

Mat admitted that, unlike Mahoney, he was never into comic books growing up, but has recently gotten into the ever-popular “hipster underground graphic novel.”

The TRS guys could not agree with Mat in his love for The Chronicles of Riddick, but they were very polite about it.

“I like that you liked it.”

Check them out TODAY for a live edition of their show at Comic Con!

Carlos thanked the Imagination song guy.

Sammi thanked whoever named their horse Unusually Hot because she’s really rooting for him.

Mahoney thanked all the listeners that woke Carlos’ ass up and got him here this morning.

Mat thanked A.C. Slater’s Penis and its dimples.

-SS

5:30 a.m.

Mat Diablo told the band Boston that they are hurting America. And it’s time to stop.

Mat said that Carlos was responsible for the release of hostages from FARC rebels in Columbia yesterday. When asked how he convinced his people to end the captivity, he said he just sent them a text that said, “Chill.”

The guys speculated what John McCain looks like nude.

Mat and Carlos debated Texas geography.

6 a.m.

 Drunk Dial Line!

An awful George H. Bush impression.

A mountain lion being held as a pet in Lakeside.

A caller pleased with Monday’s Unwritten Law show.

A cover of Mat’s free-style.

Santa Clause took a bong rip and gave a shout out to, “North Avocado.”

“What the hell is wrong with you, Mahoney?”

Attention people on shrooms: We cannot tell you where you are, and we are not Poison Control.

Mustaches are over.

What’s on the Internet? http://www.everyscape.com/

Mat reported that watermelon has similar effects on a man to those of Viagra. Eat up this weekend, boys.

Mat asked everyone which celebrity they would invite to their 4th of July BBQ.

Carlos said the Hoff.

Mahoney chose Sam Eliot.

Mat would invite Morrissey, but he admitted it wouldn’t be fun.

Calls included Seth Rogen, Will Smith, Easy E, Dave Grohl, and Will Ferrell.

7 a.m.

Mahoney longingly drove through Bakersfield after he got word his penis had moved there.

Mat told the Padres, “Come on guys, I only have so many foreskins.”

Inspired by this week’s Citybeat, Mat wanted to help everyone beat the ban and exercise their right to booze on the beach on the 4th of July.

It used to be that if you’re drinking out of a water or Gatorade bottle on the beach, all you had to do was not make the bitter beer face. Be discreet, be drunk.

However, police officers have a new weapon to locate lushes this holiday weekend.

Mahoney asked if they trained groups of gerbils to jump out of their flashlights and find concealed alcohol on people.

A caller said he would gladly get a ticket, and pay $250 to see such a talented gerbil unit.

Unfortunately, the new alcohol detection system built into policemen’s flashlights only requires a quick wave in the direction of guilty parties to find and reprimand them.

Pop Trash: Troyer tape back on TMZ, messy Brinkley breakup, Japan’s new niche: elderly sex, and Fox is single.

8 a.m.

 Ruggy came in on behalf of Yelp a day early to help you Get Your Yelp On in time for the holiday weekend!

Where to avoid the beach madness:

Manchester Grand Hyatt downtown: not exactly open to the public, but it’s so big they don’t mind if you swim in their fantastic penis-shaped pool

Prospect Bar in La Jolla: second-floor bar, view of fireworks at the cove

The Renegade Bar in Lakeside: country-western dive bar with Jell-o shots

The Tubs on El Cajon: there’s always fireworks going off in there

Where to get your event on:

TNT at MOCA

The Drowning Men at Bar Pink Elephant

Boston at the San Diego County Fair

The Constantines at The Casbah

Buddy Akai at U31

KC and the Sunshine Band at the San Diego County Fair

Pee Wee’s Big Adventure midnight at Ken Cinema

Gaslamp Bar Tour

91X Loudspeaker SDshow with Pivit and Agent 51

Where to get your fireworks on:

The County Fair

SeaWorld

Embaracdero

Legoland

Bradley Park in San Marcos

Julian

Webb Park

And check out Ruggy in this month’s 944!

Mat and Mahoney discussed UFC 86: Jackson Vs. Griffin. They asked callers for the best places in SD to watch the fight without a cover. Suggestions included Miller’s Field and The Silver Fox in PB.

Mat and Mahoneymade a friendly wager. If Forrest Griffin wins, Mat will get to take a swing at the Sonata with a golf club. If Rampage Jackson wins, Mat will get a St. Louis Cardinals tattoo.

9 a.m.

Additions to the Drunk Dial Line!

A man seeking the smoothest of all saxophone solos.

A lost, cold man.

More Pop Trash: King of Popped collars?

Carlos thanked Mat for being in a better mood.

Mat thanked the fabulous and fierce man he sat next to at sushi last night who suggested that Mahoney change his name to Chlamydia Jones. He also thanked the alcohol-detecting gerbils and sweet sounds of saxophone.

Sammi the Intern thanked Mat for taking hers, as well as any and all of the back-ups she had. She would have thanked SDPD’s new Alcohol Detecting Gerbil Unit.

Mahoney thanked MacGyver for coming up with ways to elude the alcohol-detection gerbils.

-SS