91X Morning Show with Mat Diablo

5:30 a.m.

When Mat Diablo asked if anyone else missed Supermarket Sweep, Carlos asked if he was home-schooled.

 

David Hasselhoff joined Jay Leno in Space for a brief moment.

 

Mat tried to trade the gay community Star Jones for Eva Mendes. No deal.

 

Mat decided that he would redeem the “24 hours of Designated Driving” coupon Sammi the Intern gave him to either head to a bowling tournament in Vista, or hang with Fatty at Tumbleweed Junction in Anza. Stay tuned…

 

6 a.m. 

Mat asked Mahoney if he actually felt his balls shriveling up. Carlos compared it to your stomach shrinking if you don’t eat for awhile.

 

Mat tried to report, solemnly, that an 80-something year old man started a mini-demolition derby on Rosecrans yesterday, but a few giggles escaped.

 

 Mahoney said he believes that people are just trying to make a profit off of global warming. He disregarded a NASA scientist’s recent comments about global warming because the expert was a physicist, not a geologist.

(Somehow though, he considers himself a beer expert even though he is not a brewer.)

 

Mat said the only thing he based his opinion on is fact.

Most callers sided with Mahoney.

However, everyone agreed that a major problem surrounding the entire global warming debacle is the massive political agenda on both sides of it.

Carlos said everyone should just lock all of the smartest people in a room for a year, give them millions of dollars, and tell them to stay in there until they figure it out.

 

What’s on the Internet? http://cybernude.com/ 

 

 MAKE IT STOP! 1978 Edition

The caller that identified “Peg” by Steely Dan and yelled, “Make it stop!” won tickets to see the Padres battle the Mariners for 1978 Retro Night this Friday.

 

7 a.m.

What is more important to Shaq than his money, kids, and his IcyHot endorsement?

His badges.

 

 Apparently in his off-time he is an amateur police officer.

However, his rap-attack on Kobe Bryant led to his being stripped of his badge and fake-title in Phoenix, Arizona.

Now only L.A. and Miami are protected under Deputy Shaq.

Mat said he fears the inevitable criminal up-rise in Phoenix and encouraged everyone to boycott the doomed city.

 

“What can’t Shaq do?”

“Ride a rollercoaster without fear of decapitation.”

 

Pop Trash: A rift in the Hogan family, another Hogan on her own, Locklear locks herself up, and a Carlin comedy tribute.

 

8 a.m.

Inspired by the fact that recently President Bush essentially told the president of the Philipines that Philipine-Americans make great kitchen staff and Imus’ new elements of racism on the radio, Mat asked Mahoney if he ever really put his foot in his mouth.

Mahoney does all the time.

 

A caller had the tale of ultimate assh*lery.

He was a part of an adult softball league at a neighborhood park, and during one of the games a kid kept kicking a soccer ball onto the field. It became so irritating that he booted the ball yelled, “Get outta here, you’re adopted!”

An angry mother revealed that the child was, in fact, adopted and, until that moment, unaware that he was.

 

Mat told Mahoney, “If you’re awkward and she’s frigid, a Coldplay CD will not work wonders.”

 

Lorenzo Lamas and one of Dion Sanders’ suits have just been added to the Punk Rock ProAm!

 

9 a.m.

“Trying to teach kids not to have sex is like trying to put the toothpaste back into the tube once it’s been squeezed out.”

 

More Pop Trash: Bling king arrested in drug ring.

 

The Kottonmouth Kings interview went up in smoke after another no call, no show.

 

Mat made Mahoney sound like he was stuck in an air ventilation system.

 

Carlos thanked Mat for replacing Jay Leno From Space with Old Man Mahoney in Space.

Sammi the Intern thanked Shaq for protecting the people of Miami and L.A.

Mat thanked Dion Sanders’ suit for joining the Punk Rock ProAm.

Mahoney thanked Don Imas for making him feel like a better broadcaster (from space.)

 

-SS